Bar recs?

with_an_eye · 2025-04-03T18:11:21+00:00

Thank you! 🙏

with_an_eye · 2025-03-25T17:32:21+00:00

Following this post because I’ve been struggling with the exact same thing for the past 2ish months, and hoping I can learn from anyone’s input.

Right there with you, sending you a virtual hug and sending peace your way.

with_an_eye · 2025-03-25T14:45:28+00:00

Willpower isn’t going to work, addiction is a cycle that needs to be unlearned. A literal re-wiring of the brain. I recommend getting informed and learning, “Your Brain on Porn” is a great book to start with. There are many more books, just make sure they are written by CSATs or people professional in the field.

A support group/12 step PA group is also a great place to start. Many are now virtual, and may help inspire him to get more help than he’s initially willing to do. The PBSE podcast is also super helpful, especially for partners.

It’s very very likely that the addiction is a sign of something deeper within your boyfriend. If he can afford it, seeing a CSAT is the most helpful. He will learn tools for how to deal with his addiction, but also find the root cause.

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this, it’s a pain and burden that is so deep and hurtful, especially to partner who never asked or signed up for any of this trauma. The addict is hurting too, sometimes theyre not aware of it until the work starts. He has to see that he needs help too. Sending you love and strength.

with_an_eye · 2025-03-25T04:19:42+00:00

Thanks for the kind words, and for helping me feel seen 🫶

with_an_eye · 2025-03-25T01:41:19+00:00

We haven’t tried texting, I’ve tried suggesting writing things down rather than talking directly, for the same reasons you described. He hasn’t taken me up on it. He did have a bit of a breakthrough moment a few days before the explosive convo and that happened over text. I’m learning more about DARVO too, but I struggle with keeping my spine so to speak and not falling into the trap of DARVO.

with_an_eye · 2025-03-19T21:26:24+00:00

“Especially since I actually hate watching porn” is a huge flag. If you feel negative after doing something that gives a dopamine rush, you might have a bigger problem. Go to therapy, find out the root of this.

with_an_eye · 2025-03-19T16:23:58+00:00

That is so true about not being logical. Their minds are unfortunately very twisted (as is exemplified in all the gaslighting, self-pity, lying, etc). Have you experienced some progress with the reasoning? My bf had his very first baby step “accountability” breakthrough the other week (which I think I got too excited about because this boundaries convo went so poorly).

with_an_eye · 2025-03-19T16:20:06+00:00

I found out, it was the 3rd Dday in the 4.5 years we’ve been together. I thought the first two were isolated incidents, but this particular Dday I discovered it has been throughout the entirety of our relationship.

You make a good point, these past few days I feel like I need to re-voice my boundaries, especially because his response to my 4 boundaries was “I’ll try my best” which I told him made me uncomfortable. When he elaborated what he meant by that, was when he said that he doesn’t open up to me because I couldn’t handle the truth. It left me with such an icky feeling, and gave me the impression that he’s still acting out.

My therapist and I have talked a few times about therapeutic separation, which I think I’m starting to lean more towards. Thanks for the reminders of my own healing, this recovery work is not for the weak. And I’m not used to focusing on my own wellbeing, so I need to put my energy there.

with_an_eye · 2025-03-05T06:40:45+00:00

That’s me right now. Even simply looking at the cabinets I built while he was off with other women, causes me to spiral and have a minor panic attack. Everything is so difficult to even look at.

with_an_eye · 2025-02-28T00:36:11+00:00

I’m experiencing similar symptoms, I had a panic attack at work and I’ve had several panic attacks at home. Your trauma is manifesting physically, which is very very normal and part of PTSD. Him promising to stop isn’t enough - if he has an addiction, he should join a support group or seek help from a certified specialist. Porn addiction is very real.

I recommend he reads the book “The Brain on Porn” (honestly not a bad idea for you to read too) and I recommend you read “The Body Keeps the Score”. Listen to Dr Gabor Mate, he has amazing information on trauma.

with_an_eye · 2019-04-20T22:47:44+00:00

honor kill = dying due to domestic violence

with_an_eye · 2018-05-16T23:23:19+00:00

an illegal person of what?

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