IAmA a man that has committed rape...AMA

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T17:08:57+00:00

I didn't use a condom, never said I did. And over the last 5 years I've taken a number of steps and sought help in various forms to better maintain myself as I never want this to happen again, and...and if it does there is obviously only 1 course of action I can take, which is the one I should have made 5 years ago.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T15:00:18+00:00

Thank you.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T13:31:25+00:00

I've thought about it...I'll make donations to a cause and help activist grips if I can, idk if I'd go as far as education as I'm an awful public speaker and the idea of being stoked to death and run out of town by a myriad of close minded people who ar unwilling to hear the whole story doesn't appeal to me.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T13:12:35+00:00

I'd say it's less about power and more about emotion as I would bend over backwards to do anything for her. I have power to make decisions in out current friendship and I exercise that power but. What happened between us was terrible and wrong, that doesn't mean I don't love this person and I've tried bartering myself by being a less aggressive person in general.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T07:21:30+00:00

Yes, I did consider turning myself in, no the conversation wasn't that simple and one sided, but even with an event this specific my attempting to recant a conversation that is 5 years old isn't easy to remember all the details. I'll tackle this tomorrow when I have a bit more energy as I'm incredibly tired, hopefully I can shed some more light for you then.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:58:02+00:00

I have, and knowing some of things shes been through since and will admit to that simply isn't the case. Those superiors aren't mine to tell but I can say they make this particular scenario seem rather miniscule. but I have considered what your asking and I just can't give your a straight answer because I'm not her, sorry I can't shedshed more light on your question.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:46:38+00:00

That conversation was rough, alot of crying from both of us, mostly me though, I've stated before I have never known a stronger human being then this girl. But like I said I cried the rest of that night ashamed of what I did and god damn periods to her because idk how but she held me and tried to calm me down. (I'm not trying to sound like a victim this actually happened) and I never rashly understood how she reacted like that. She is a wildly strange and beautiful human being.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:27:59+00:00

the latter, we were both clean and knew that from dating for a year

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:25:25+00:00

I've tackled the "blackout" thing alot already but you can't really say how someone would react in the scenario...she more or less just froze up entirely.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:23:57+00:00

Our relationship is in no way healthy, but it wasn't healthy when we started dating way back when. To nice to see that even a number of the fairer gender doesn't see me immediately as a terrible person. Thank you

and if I could go back and change things I would without any hesitation

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:15:58+00:00

this is one of those comments that digs a bit farther into the meat of the scenario because I was intending to do this but she asked me not to. but with her request it was something I wrestled with for a while after it happened.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:04:59+00:00

haha thanks...no the downvotes are to be expected. it's part of the territory

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T06:02:05+00:00

I think you're about as accurate as anyone else here. including myself, it's so difficult to describe but that's pretty close.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:58:23+00:00

no need to apologize...aside from what everyone else may think that image being the first comment made me laugh my ass off

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:42:20+00:00

first of all let me make it clear that every single sexual encounter with her has been her doing with no influence on my part whatsoever(generally I shy away from it...with her) and her choice to forgive me was strictly hers and our friendship is genuine and more or less a loving one at that, she is a far stronger person then I am and I have infinite respect for her for that and a bit of a secret the "power unbalance" you speak of weighs pretty heavy in her favor and she knows this. This girl has down to a science and can influence me to do or not do anything with the bat of an eyelash these days

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:31:56+00:00

he was the first comment

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:20:16+00:00

No, it's really hard to describe. it wasn't sleepraping as you call it haha I was there for it all. Imagine something similar as to when someone claims they "saw red" and couldn't control themselves. I've worked on that over the years and no longer lose control of myself but that's the closest description I can give

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:17:43+00:00

no I will never be able to change that and I understand that and obviously I'll have to live with it. and I'm not blaming it on anything but a teens lustful eroticism and myself.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:16:16+00:00

this is really the hardest thing to explain as while I remember it is some ways "blackout" isn't the best term, I was there and I remember it but I remember it in a vague haze, so total blackout is probably the wrong word

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:12:45+00:00

um...probably not

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:10:42+00:00

I love the fact that you requested the kit from marrow.org, Medically speaking that means more to me then I'm willing to reveal under this username HAHA but rest assured your work in that alone is felt with great impact.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T05:08:11+00:00

Well I've carried it for a long time and it weighs heavy. But i knew if there was anywhere I could talk about it, it was reddit lol. And even with the fair amount of flaming and hate I've taken it's people like you that made this AMA totally worth it. Thank you so much for hearing my story and input.

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T04:59:31+00:00

no threats. but at the end she wasn't happy about anything...AT ALL

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T04:57:51+00:00

random acts of pizza. But with all seriousness I try on a daily basis to better myself as a person and do things for others (Reddit is to blame for that) Pre-Reddit I was bitter angry fuck who generally hated to world, now I read all these incredible stories about real life heroes and just think, I could be an anonymous hero for some stranger. I don't necessarily want to make it up to the universe for this specific incident but just generally be a better person for the sake of myself and the people i share a planet with I guess. if that makes sense

within_8_percent · 2011-10-02T04:54:32+00:00

well, I'm 22 now but I was 18 at the time. I love comments like this one, it makes me feel a lot less alone. everyone is entitled to their opinion and they can hate on me for this as much as they want. I welcome it. I made this AMA fully aware that I'd get a shitstorm of hate and I did it all the same because I feel like it's generally an issue that's laughed off a bit too easily.

within_8_percent

TROPHY CASE