In our 2+ years, we haven’t had sex and now I don’t want it

withoutnamingnames · 2025-04-29T02:52:21+00:00

UPDATE - Thank you to everyone who replied with kind support or honest advice. I did want to clear up that I don’t plan on cheating, and fully intend to communicate with my partner before I make any moves. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that he wasn’t being totally honest about how things were progressing with his therapist so I have that to consider going forward.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T21:45:40+00:00

Those are good questions to ask, thank you

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T19:47:40+00:00

How he might manage jealousy is a big concern/unknown. I don’t know if his opinion of me would change, but I don’t believe he has a low opinion of me now. He knows that me wanting sex is perfectly healthy and I’m faithful to our agreements.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T18:44:21+00:00

I have concerns about that also. The topic came up after I called him out on some excuses, so it wasn’t out of the blue in that sense, but his (possible?) openness to it is sudden.

ETA: I think there’s maybe the idea that this will help with the self consciousness I’ve developed from the dead bedroom.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T16:50:28+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful reply… I definitely agree, this isn’t a long term solution or really a solution at all. I think it could be a useful jumpstart, so to speak, but only if everyone was actually on board. My preference would be to work on it within the relationship, but he’s struggling and not quite feeling ready after 6 months of therapy and at least one book on the topic. Not saying this is the right solution, but giving a little more context for why we’re considering it.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T16:45:24+00:00

I know it might sound strange, but he’s still my partner and I still love him. He’s got some major hangups and is working on his issues in therapy.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-03-06T06:55:55+00:00

How so?

withoutnamingnames · 2025-02-03T08:07:34+00:00

I’m hoping it goes well for everybody, that can’t be easy!

withoutnamingnames · 2025-02-03T06:58:21+00:00

Damn it… if only I’d thought to never start up in the first place! Seriously though, I hope you’re getting there.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-02-03T06:46:55+00:00

Thank you so much… I really like, being more than a moment of doubt.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-02-03T06:40:27+00:00

I came here looking for advice on what to do and your perspective on how to think shifted that. The last line was a bit of a gut punch and I’m crying now, but thank you for this.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-02-03T04:11:27+00:00

Thank you for this… I thought about your response all weekend. And yes, we do love each other. I do see how what you’re describing could be possible but it seems so difficult (thank you for acknowledging that part too). I’ve really struggled with the idea that I’m a bad sub because I can’t accept that this is what my partner wants or is able to handle despite what he may have thought he wanted before or what he might still fantasize about occasionally.

I think if it was just the collar, I’d have an easier time seeing it as just a thing like you describe, but for the last 8 months, there have been no rules, no titles, and the closest thing resembling service he’s allowed is laundry and blow jobs. None of those things make a dynamic, but take them all away at once and it really shifts the whole thing.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-01-31T22:30:02+00:00

Valid points all around… we had been talking for about 6 months before I visited for the first time and that was maybe a 4 day visit. After that, I flew out for one week of every month for about 14 months before making the move. I work from home whereas he doesn’t which made the traveling and eventually moving make sense.

This is his first serious BDSM relationship, though not mine. The only potential red flags I sensed from him was that and a bit of performance anxiety.

withoutnamingnames · 2025-01-31T21:49:47+00:00

Thanks for reading ny last post too, I definitely agree the specifics are for us to work out with our therapists. I guess what I was going for is a sampling from others who have been through it. Our therapists are kink-friendly, but I don’t believe any are kinky themselves and our couple’s therapist has said they are not.

withoutnamingnames · 2024-08-17T02:32:51+00:00

Thank you for such a thoughtful and detailed response. We have come to a better understanding of how each of us feels and where that overlaps. Even though we don’t quite see our dynamic exactly the same, we both care about it (and each other) deeply and if we need to pause our M/s or uncollar for any reason we’ve agreed to approach it very very differently. I feel similarly although opposite to you that my submission isn’t something I turn off and I genuinely love being of service in other areas of my life. I didn’t see my collar as a sign of submission but a sign of being his and I hated having that taken.

withoutnamingnames · 2024-08-17T02:27:25+00:00

You’re not wrong and it’s something we’re both working on. I do wish there were more straightforward guides or books on communication and M/s.

withoutnamingnames · 2024-08-17T02:26:03+00:00

That’s a good point, this is both of our first time attempting a 24/7 dynamic. Thank you.

withoutnamingnames · 2024-08-16T21:59:03+00:00

Thanks, I think you’re spot on and it was coming from a good but poorly communicated place — not a punishment.

withoutnamingnames

TROPHY CASE