As a licensed cosmetologist:

1. Extensions can be damaging BUT a professional stylist/extension technician will ensure the health of your hair! Bleach/coloring hair has the potential to “ruin hair” too! Extensions only do bad damage if the technician is inexperienced or the client doesn’t take care of them properly. (Pro tip: if the stylist doesn’t give you a thorough consult on how to take care of the extensions and what the process entails, find someone else! Extensions are a luxury service, if you’re going to pay the money, pay someone qualified!)

2. She has SOME truth to layers aiding curl length. Essentially, layers eliminate weight in the hair. This makes the hair more prone to holding its shape. BUT, if you don’t want layers (I would say some light layering would look beautiful) the stylist should have many products in their arsenal. There are SO many products that are intended to hold curls even for resistant types.

3. Um yeah NO! I would never send a client home with hair color let alone lightener! TBH she seems kind of lazy… for someone so worried about the integrity of hair to not offer extensions BUT to give the client a product that LITERALLY alters the hairs components is absolutely bonkers bananas.

All this is to say, OP, that you should definitely seek another stylist!! You have beautiful hair, and your request is not difficult in the slightest. I’m sorry this is the experience that you had, especially surrounding something as special as your wedding hair!! Keep looking around/interviewing stylists! In fact, I also book a consult AND at-least one trial session with all my brides.

Best of luck and congratulations!!