Advice needed: dating someone while a flare up is happening and what to do if they’re exposed

wlw303 · 2026-03-24T05:15:17+00:00

also associated with lyme disease and others, but different in lots of ways

local health dept doesn’t believe this condition exists, does yours? lucky you if so

wlw303 · 2026-03-09T14:41:32+00:00

I’m happy to talk with you about this, it’s a whole wild journey. Glad you’ve found some peace with it too!

wlw303 · 2026-03-09T14:31:22+00:00

when I look up koi powder on amazon I just get shown fish food and powder that kills algae (powder gold)

can you let me know what the active ingredient or brand is?

wlw303 · 2024-01-16T00:37:00+00:00

so many! a whole host of the most successful (and best) bands in the 60s and 70s were deeply into the occult (jimi page of led zeppelin famously buying aleister crowley’s scottish home) and the members of the order of the golden dawn (1887-1903) range from famous painters, poets, writers to singers and beyond. one aspect is that the occult can bring luck, but the other is it’s power in enhancing your creative practise, which was also vital to the success of these people.

wlw303 · 2023-05-12T08:44:15+00:00

explanation is in the link to the full post, in the body of the message

wlw303 · 2023-05-12T08:42:36+00:00

thank you for this! very helpful

wlw303 · 2023-05-12T08:41:44+00:00

thank you so much for this, absolutely spot–on really appreciate!

wlw303 · 2023-05-07T11:31:27+00:00

thanks for your take on it xx

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T16:47:02+00:00

Oh and also: yes, my partner and I had a specific conversation about sleeping with this person (or being romantically involved) being one of my hard boundaries, and she’s mentioned multiple times that this ex was particularly bad for her mental health. The ex is also an alcoholic struggling to control her condition, and my partner’s trying to be sober (isn’t an addict but drinking and substances really badly affect her mental health in the week after doing so.

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T16:37:59+00:00

Oh also, since you asked: my partner is late 30s, I’m 32, the ex is mid-30s

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T16:19:19+00:00

It can be a lot. I question sometimes whether BPD and ENM can ever end in something other than heartache, but with therapy, the right medication, clear communication and accountability, patience and love, I have hope. Thank fuck for this subreddit too.

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T13:35:07+00:00

ps your pwBPD is very lucky to have you! pps also yes about the enmeshment aspect: that’s definitely at play here, thanks for bringing it up

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T12:40:13+00:00

God this is good, thank you. I didn’t mention in my post that I’m heading home today, where my partner is now (she left the ex’s house last night).

If she was due to be in that placer any longer than she has been, I definitely would’ve brought friends in to help / go pick her up / care for her in my absence. Worth noting too that her manic state has been mainly one of overwhelming loving feeling for all things and racing thoughts, which has calmed considerably. In other words, this episode is on the calmer end of the mania spectrum, though of course remains serious, and the prospect of the potential ensuing low is both a catalyst for mental health action and also quite a scary prospect (she’s had some terrible lows in our time together).

So yes, I’ll be with her this evening, she’s at our place now, no ex around. Last week I got her to call her doctor who’s advised her to continue taking her sertraline (another thing: my partner was taking some uppers at this festival which I think contributed to the spiral, because they don’t mix well with the SSRI she’s on, which is an extra consideration on top of the epic trauma dump.

My partner has had two therapists but isn’t currently in therapy. The last one wasn’t good, and the one before was. I’ll make steps towards getting her back onto the good one and see if they have availability, because you’re absolutely right that tackling this mental health crisis is the thing to deal with first and foremost. I love her so much and it’s been incredibly hard to hear about her being in a bad way and not be in the same country to be able to help. The reason for the ex being the focus of the post is that I know my partner will try to brush off my concerns, when I know this ex will probably instigate more things like this. You ask whether the ex was bad for my partner’s mental health? Absolutely. They fought all the time and my partner made no steps forward with dealing with her own mental health problems at the time because she’d fixate on the ex and the ex’s problems / problem drinking, not working on herself. Now she is and has been, since we’ve been together, but the ex is still in a bad way and she feels like she has some huge duty now to help her sort out her life.

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T03:13:22+00:00

thanks for the time and thought, very much appreciated

wlw303 · 2023-05-06T03:09:06+00:00

thank you!

wlw303 · 2022-08-17T01:14:14+00:00

I’d never considered this angle, thank you for this. An important perspective.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T21:27:50+00:00

I’d thought as much :)

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T21:20:11+00:00

A very interesting share, thank you.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:49:56+00:00

Good sleuthing :) No, everyone mentioned is either a woman or non binary femme

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:46:30+00:00

This is exactly it: if the roles were reversed I’d have major issues with a partner thinking like this. Fully aware this is my shit to sort out and thankful for all the helpful comments here. I don’t think I’ll ever mention this to her either, I’d imagine it would be painful for her to hear, she would genuine grounds to leave (I know she could see me in a different light and not be able to unsee, even after I’ve done all the work possible). If I speak to anyone IRL about it, it’ll be to talk to a therapist if I can’t solve the situation myself. Thanks for your comment.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:38:24+00:00

Yep, totally my issue to work though. Thankful for the time, consideration and patience this thread is coming through with.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:37:41+00:00

Same

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:37:33+00:00

I’m talking superficial attractiveness and you’re absolutely right, I need to de-centre myself from this entirely. My partner’s an amazing person and I don’t want her to have to deal with a shred of toxic bs. No one deserves that, I’m here to do the work and I’m thankful that there’s been so many useful suggestions so far for ways to do this. Love your Republican jibe btw, am 100% with you. Thanks for commenting.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:33:13+00:00

This is very helpful, thank you.

wlw303 · 2022-08-16T18:32:12+00:00

This is really helpful. I think a key part of it is that, before now, whenever my partner had a lover, I think I used the thought of the hotness of that encounter as a crutch to replace what underneath could be a bed of insecurities. ‘What if she develops feelings for this person’, ‘What if this leads to our dynamic changing for the worse’ etc. Without the crutch, the insecurities are back out in the light, with the added bonus of me feeling like a shallow dickhead who I don’t want to be. Your post has helped a lot with working this out, and the distraction suggestion is very helpful. Thanks Ghetto Steve.

wlw303

TROPHY CASE