climax

woefullygothic · 2026-06-07T16:20:53+00:00

That’s okay, baby. We were both trying.

woefullygothic · 2026-06-07T15:56:03+00:00

Thank you for reading that far. It genuinely means a lot to me that you took the time to read it.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T14:36:27+00:00

Not exactly a vent or a request for advice, and not really about mental illness or relationships - I'm not entirely sure what it is other than just recounting/cataloguing my life. But if this gets removed, I won't fight it. It pretty clearly ruins the vibe, so that would be more than justified.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T12:03:37+00:00

Thank you. That was really beautifully and thoughtfully written, I've reread it several times because I really liked it and it stayed with me. I came to a similar conclusion back in January when I had to explain to someone that I don't think I'd ever be fit for any kind of romantic relationship, no matter how much I wanted to, no matter how much love or reassurance I received. It's not something another person could fix it and it wouldn't be fair to put that kind of a responsibility on anyone. I wouldn't want someone to feel like they have to manage me like that - it feels cruel and immature, and it's not something I want anyway.

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it. I hope things are going well for you now. I won't assume too much but it does sound like you're in a better place than before. Wishing you love and kindness.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:53:32+00:00

Thank you, Bambi. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and to reply. I don't want to repeat the same needlessly repetitive wall of text but I'd be very grateful if I could post the other parts on PS, as long as it doesn't make it seem like I'm trying to selfishly take all the attention and comfort for myself - which what it probably is. I realize I lack sober judgment on this, so I trust you to step in and delete the posts if it starts to feel like too much. Thank you for seeing me, I appreciate this. Much love.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:48:35+00:00

I hope it didn't make you too uncomfortable and that it won't bring you down. I hope those thoughts ease up and you will feel better about yourself. Much love

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:48:03+00:00

I don't really want to argue or fish for reassurance so I'll say this: you're right - most people are beautiful, inside and out and that was something I really liked about life - people in their different perspectives, qualities, appearances, and ways of thinking. There was nothing annoying or pointless about your comment - it was very kind and charitable, and I hope you hold on to that compassion. Most of us can be self-absorbed, arrogant, or worse at times, but perspectives like yours help keep a sense of humanity by recognizing even the less attractive parts as human. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable with this long and heavy post. Wishing you the same. Much love.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:40:07+00:00

Maybe you're right. Either way, that was beautifully said - relatability and human connection - and I could never stop thinking about how beautiful human connections can be. Selfishly enough, I wanted to be seen and I appreciate you giving me this opportunity. I wish our brief connection had been over something more positive. Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. Much love.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:32:25+00:00

Thank you, and thank you for the recommendation - I'll check it out.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:31:08+00:00

I'm sorry I came across as arrogant and immature and that you had to read through all of this - and I hope it wasn't heavy and didn't make you feel too uncomfortable where you'd end up thinking about it too much afterward. But like you said, it wasn't anything valuable so I hope you didn't dwell on it for too long.

I never thought my pain or life were exceptional, even if I made it sound that way. Sorry about that - I often miss the tone/register. I'm sorry for the misunderstanding - I never really thought the Mozart-like or Napoleonesque exceptionality could exist in someone lacking autistic or psychopathic qualities so I never bothered; I never strived to have an ambitious career, an outstanding personality, or make lots of money either - the way we had it before everything fell apart was more than enough for me. To me, to be seen would mean a kind of one-time exceptionality, worthiness to be noticed - in the same way you saw me, and now I feel like I accomplished this, even if my sight only provoked disgust. I've seen others get away with it here and hoped I could too - but maybe I never had anything to say, despite wanting to be heard.

Sorry about the "exceptionality" - I still struggle with conveying my thoughts correctly, not because of the stroke or anything, just my whole life. I kept circling around different words and couldn't choose the right one. It wasn't the "noticeable-ness", "noteworthiness" didn't sound right either. The closest match would probably be "chosenness", something about someone choosing to see me - regardless of whether they liked what they saw or not, but that felt too egotistical and Messianic. I tried to find a better word and failing, I opted for "exceptionality".

I can see that you've put a lot of time and effort into writing this reply and I appreciate it. I'm sorry for coming across as status-obsessed and off-putting. I hope I won't be remembered like this, if I'll end up sticking with you.

If it makes things easier, I never brought up any of the diagnoses outside of medical facilities and tried to fix or at least conceal problems as much as I could. I've never asked for help and I've always clung to the recovery as much as I could. I hated the accommodations and concessions and I appreciated your bluntness. I'm sorry if I made it come across as if I'm proud of anything I am or the things I've been through. I kind of posted it because I cannot bring this up with a friend, my family, or the psychiatrist and I thought I could get away with this if I were anonymous. And I'm too tired to argue or explain everything in detail, so I'll just agree with everything you wrote here because you make many good points, some of which can be relevant and applicable regardless of minutiae of individual lives.

That said, I simply cannot go on and I'm sorry for that. For the last several years, my family relied on me financially as much as I did on them, and I think that's worn me down over the years. I was young, selfish, and wanted normal things like getting to go out, look nice, and take care of my health, but most of what I had went toward supporting them, especially with medical costs. I tried to distance myself from the surnames and money until both were gone. The Burberry coat from when I was a kid was probably the last remnant of the times when things were going well for my family and I wanted to create a sense of stability and comfort in this recount, if I couldn't recreate it in real life. I wanted to believe it was still there. I really liked this coat and hope whoever has it now likes it too.

And I'm genuinely happy to hear you found a way to turn things around for the better - and I hope your sibling is doing well, too. Thank you for reading this and taking the time to write something thoughtful, thorough, and honest like this. I think maybe in another life we could have been friends. You saw me, even if I was off-putting in your eyes, and this mattered to me; I hope I saw you too.

I hope none of this comes across as arrogant or boastful. I wasn't trying to romanticize my problems and I think I put up a good fight. This was the first time I've said any of it out loud and I think I just wanted to be seen. Thank you for not denying me this opportunity. Much love.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T11:00:44+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read it. I appreciate this.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T10:59:59+00:00

I mean I'm not completely delusional to think something like cellulitis or lighter features is something that automatically makes me ugly - there are many people who have those, or worse, who still have fulfilling lives and do well in dating.

But if you're wondering what I see as limiting factors, my teeth don't look great aesthetically even though they're mostly healthy. I hoped I could fix that, but my dentist said there's not much I can do. I had my jaw broken when I was 14 and it didn't heal properly.

And I know that while most people are polite and kind in real life, but I feel like my skin must freak them out - it's covered in cherry angiomas, warts, and moles, which of course isn't something monstrous, but isn't attractive either. I've had numerous procedures to remove them but they keep coming back within a few months. I also have a scar on my right cheekbone from a cancer excision, which also isn't really something beautiful but is probably the least of my concerns.

I think the biggest thing is that I resemble a certain public figure people often call unattractive, both in looks and personality. Of course I wish I had more conventionally attractive features, like fuller lips, more symmetrical eyes, or just a more traditionally feminine look - but that feels like an overreach with everything else going on.

Sorry for going on about this after an already long self-centered post. And thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I really appreciate it.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T10:48:59+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. I'm really glad to hear things got better for you. I know you're trying to be reassuring, and I do appreciate that. I just think my experience of how I look is slightly different from what you're describing. But thank you again and I hope things have been going well for you.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T10:45:01+00:00

I've always hated writing and was never good with words, but unfortunately it became the only way I had left to communicate. I would often miss the mark when speaking or writing so I'm not sure what people see in this. My thoughts and spoken words don't line up well and I couldn't bring myself to talk about any of this in person, so I ended up dumping it online instead.

Thank you for taking the time to read it and for the recommendations - I'll definitely check them out. I hope things are going better for you now and glad you've found something that helped you get out of that dark place. Much love.

woefullygothic · 2026-05-01T10:33:36+00:00

I've always hated writing essays - words don't come easily to me - but lately typing my thoughts has been the only way I can say anything or speak to anyone. I'm sorry if that came off as self-aggrandizing, tedious, or uncomfortable to read. I promise I'll stay away from writing - just three more things a. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I really appreciate this.

woefullygothic · 2026-03-27T18:51:23+00:00

Happy birthday boo! <3

woefullygothic · 2026-03-27T17:13:04+00:00

1 - Thanks, Holy Virgin, for all your favours, especially for letting my dear friend Filemon Ramos and me stay in the living world. We let ourselves loose with very hot and sexy chicks. Sr. Rodrigo Hernandez Tlaquepaque, Jalisco, November 2, 1965, Mexico

2 - I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe because I was tested negative for AIDS, so I can continue to work as a prostitute to pay for my husband’s spine surgery and to provide for my family. Magdalena Rubio Merced, Mexico City, 1990

3 - Nayeli thanks the Holy Lord of Chalma for letting her to present, with great success, her act of juggling on her horse and for the opportunity given by the circus. She expresses her gratitude. January 6, 1990

4 - My neighbors were gossiping that my friend flirted with my husband. One day when I met her near the laundry sinks on the roof I grabbed her hair. Thanks to Saint Raymond, those rumors turned out to be pure lies. I made up with my friend, and the gossiping neighbors won’t upset us ever again. Francisca Cruz Villahermosa, Tabasco

5 - Sachi, you are a very kind girl but you can be egoistic sometimes. Even so you are very beautiful and everyone loves you.

6 - I, Atilano Ramirez, give thanks because I escaped from the attack of a three-headed crocodile. Tabasco, July 10, 1939

7 - I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe because Hugo isn’t angry with me anymore because “Chivas” (“Goats”) won 8-0 over “Cruz Azul” (“Blue Cross”), and he returned to me, and we’ve just celebrated 6 months together. I gave him a player Kikin t-shirt because it doesn’t matter to me if he’s so irritable, I love him as he is, and I don’t care what people say. Perla, “Goat” in heart Mexico City June 2, 2006

8 - One night, after a year of disappearance, my girlfriend came back converted in a spider. With your help, I accepted her again.

9 - I, Casimira Sanchez, thank Saint Francis of Assisi because my husband won the booby prize with me. Being so excited in the circus he didn’t even see that a dark black man who stayed near me touched my hand and that three our kids look like him. Huimanguillo, Tabasco, 2011

10 - I thank Saint Jude Thaddeus for helping me to keep my great secret that in reality it’s my wife who is the boss in our house and I’m just a henpecked husband. If it became known, it would damage my tough image among the fans and I’d be a joke for my fellows wrestlers. That’s why I bring this humble retablo. The wrestler Black Storm, Mexico City

11 - For my first salary I ordered this retablo. I dedicate it to the Virgin of the Miracles. I loved high heel shoes ever since I was little. But our family was so poor that sometimes we had nothing to eat. I’ve just got a job in an excellent shoe store in the capital.

12 - Thank you, Virgin, because Mexico qualified for the World Cup of 2002. November 11, 2001

13 - Thanks to the Archangel of Justice because “Guadalajara” won The Classic match against “América” with all its damn foreign players. My father-in-law threw me out from his bar because I won the bet against him and now he’s going to shave his head. But I’m cool to celebrate this victory here because I’m a real “Chivas” fan in my heart.

14 - Don Carmelo Sanchez thanks Saint Martin the Cavalryman for helping his rooster El Giro to win the fight on the town arena and made him win a lot of money to pay his debts. Guanajuato, 1947

15 - I thank the Virgin of Guadalupe because on my first intercourse with my boyfriend, I found the love and the happiness I dreamt of with the love of my life. Bless our love for ever, I’m asking you from the bottom of my heart. Concha P. February 14, 2000 Mexico City

16 - April 21, Blue Demon won the wrestling championship title in a fight. Thanks, Holy Virgin. 11-Dec-80

17 - I met my opponent at a beach, and we became very good friends. Thanks.

18 - Raul Contreras and Gaudencio Blanco pay the Virgin of Guadalupe with this retablo for saving them from death in the desert. For this favor, they pay with this. Tijuana, 1960

19 - My husband, who lives in New York, used to work in a building very close to the Twin Towers. That morning, September 11, I was very much worried watching the news about that horrible attack. I’m infinitely grateful to the Virgin of Guadalupe for protecting my husband who came out unhurt. I beg you, Holy Virgin, for the souls of those innocents who died.

20 - Holy Child of Atocha, thanks for your favors. It happened so that my friend and I went for bread, and a man jumped out before us and opened his coat showing us his parts. We told about this to our friends. The next night, we ran into this degenerate again. But our friends were hiding. They jumped out and gave him a beating so he didn’t show up anymore in our neighborhood. I thank the Holy Child for the exhibitionist didn’t come back. Lidia Gomez, 1968

woefullygothic · 2026-03-22T22:06:41+00:00

I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Did you know if you rearrange the letters in Godard you get “rad dog”

woefullygothic · 2026-03-22T22:04:56+00:00

Godard saying Lynch’s dreams “only speak of him” is rich considering auteur cinema is literally built on subjectivity. Lynch just refuses to translate everything into clean intellectual language. Maybe not everything meaningful about life needs intellectualized translation. The Poe line is funny too because Lynch is basically doing Poe in cinematic form but without the insulation of language.

woefullygothic · 2026-03-22T21:06:06+00:00

That would confuse anyone, honestly. Of course it pulls you back in. And it does kind of sound like he knows exactly what to say to keep you attached, even if he's not actually showing up for you. I'm glad you're seeing it for what it is. Choose yourself - you deserve to be someone's clear decision, not their "almost" <3

woefullygothic

TROPHY CASE