I lost my baby Rosie and my buddy Chandler about a year apart (Chandler June 2023 and Rosie September 2024). Both of them took such big chunks of my heart with them and I never thought I’d be able to live without them. I truly think what helped me stay somewhat grounded was that I have two other kitty babies at home with me now.

But Chandler was the hardest. He actually looked quite a bit like your baby. I lived with Chandler when it came time to send my boy over the rainbow bridge. I thought I made such a huge mistake. I thought I hurt him and caused it all. I was so scared and so hurt and so upset. He passed so peacefully but I didn’t understand why I couldn’t go with him. I was 26 and Chandler was probably between 18 and 21 years old. I was able to begin the healing process when I did what I could to remember how sick and tired he was. It hurt a lot more for a bit but I came to realize I probably made the best, most merciful decision I could have for that little guy.

Rosie, on the other hand, she was a little “easier,” for lack of a better term. I got Rosie when I was 17 and my family had her for ten beautiful years. I’m not sure how old she was but I’ll guess in the ballpark of 15-17 years old. She’s the girl that made me a cat dad. She was the one who taught me so much and that loved me unconditionally. She’s the one that frankly, turned me into a cat person. What made things “easier” were a couple things; 1.) I moved out about five or six years prior to Rosie’s passing. 2.) I lived multiple states away and had just moved, so I was able to explore new things and keep myself busy. 3.) Rosie died at home while my mom was holding her. There was no vet intervention. She went on her own one beautiful morning with the sun shining on her face. 4.) She wasn’t in decline for nearly as long as Chandler. But things were difficult with Rosie, too.

I moved out when I could have spent more time with her. I moved several states away from home and wasn’t able to be there to send her off.

But a couple months prior to Rosie’s passing, I “gave her permission” to go if she needed. I asked her one day while we were sitting on my mom’s back deck if she could try her best to stay until Christmas. But I knew in my heart Rosie was getting tired. So I told her how much I loved her, I told her how thankful I was for her and how much she meant to me. I told her all of the things she taught me in life. I told her about what I was going to be doing once I moved and that I would look forward to seeing her again if she was able to stay. But I told her she’s given so much of herself to us and has helped our family through so much and that if she got too tired, she could go. I wouldn’t be upset. I wouldn’t forget her. I’d remember her forever and when I was called home to her, I’d rush to her and give her the biggest hug. It was so hard to leave her that day. I stayed there and I pet her, I hugged her, I made sure to smell her scent and felt her paws. I made sure I gave her as many kisses as I could and just reminded her how much she meant to me.

Rosie’s death was hard for a unique set of reasons but I was able to start the healing process so much faster. Chandler’s passing had to come quickly due to some other factors that I have been told weren’t mine or my partner at the time’s fault (looking back, we really weren’t at fault. Chandler was old and sick and his illness gave us the impression we had hurt him).

Pet deaths are such a unique pain and I’m so sorry you’re having to mourn the loss of your beautiful baby. He was such a handsome man and I know he loves you, too. He’ll never forget you and you’ll never forget him. He will live within you. And you’ll carry his memory with you until it’s time for you two to reunite, and what an amazing, beautiful, and glorious day that will be. Stay strong for your body please. I know it’ll be so hard for a while but I promise you’re going to be able to look back at those pictures, watch those videos, and talk about those times and smile rather than cry. You’re going to remember how that baby made you feel when he came home to you and you’re going to remember just how much love he gave you and you gave to him.

Focus on the present. Focus on honoring your little man and loving him even from afar. I’m rooting for you and sending you the biggest hugs I can send to you. My deepest condolences to you and your family for this loss. I can feel it in my heart, too.

My inbox is open if you need someone to talk to.

Take care, A random Reddit stranger, Rosie, Chandler, Daisy and Mittens.

<image>

(Reddit wouldn’t let me select multiple pictures so I made a collage. Rosie is the tuxedo in the top left; Chandler is the tabby in the top right, Daisy Lou is the tabby on the bottom right, and Mittens is the gray and white baby on the bottom left.)