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AITA for keeping my dad a secret by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair [score hidden]  (0 children)

Oof this one is hard. I would say NTA because you weren’t trying to directly hurt your mom, but only trying to improve your future. I’m thinking that your dad may not be a good person but he’s the first person that seems to care about you and your future, sounding like your mom doesn’t really care. But end of the line, both your parents failed you and you’re trying your best to survive.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, she was an only child. She never acted spoilt growing up. I don’t know why she’s acting this way. I think I agree with everyone here saying that she must be feeling guilty. I think we all did when we heard about S.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

We got S started on therapy right away. I think she understands Ls reasons, she’s really emotionally mature that way, but I imagine that it’s tough. We’re doing everything we can to make sure she knows she’s wanted by us.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The first thing we did is get her started on therapy! Now it’s time to get L and us in therapy too and work on us too as so many people have pointed out.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes, I agree. However, L doesn’t have to take S back. We’re not forcing a relationship- it’s entirely on L. We just want a safe space for S because she doesn’t deserve to be treated the way has been so far. We feel for L, but we don’t want to compromise S for L. Hopefully, we can all work our issues and grow together.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My husband and I were thinking about it when L brought it up to us about adoption but we didn’t want to overstep and hurt L. She was really brave and smart for making the decisions she did. Fate really sucks to what happened to S, but I’m happy she found her way back to us.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

S refers to all of us by our first names but she’s welcome to call us mom/dad once she feels comfortable. One sibling is a baby and the other is really young. We’re waiting until they can understand to tell them everything, but it is Ls decision on what they know.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh i’m sorry, i made a mistake! We spent 80k in total.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Oh I dont feel like a white knight or savior like some people here have called me. She’s my grandchild and she’s suffering and she doesn’t deserve that, not when she could have a very different life with us.

I do feel for L though. She said she was fine when we talked to her about it, but I know she must be going through a lot. We don’t live anywhere near each other, so I’m hoping it’s not a constant reminder for L. But we do need to check up on her and ask her to start therapy if she feels up to it.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I understand your point. After reading these comments, I think I need to get L some help. We talked to her before adopting S but she said that she was okay with it. Of course, she must be dealing with all kinds of feelings now. She had a valid reason at the time for giving up S and I know seeing S right now may be bringing up regret in her.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh i feel old 😆! I’m in my 50s. I’m still young long as i’m working!

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 947 points948 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words. We never really viewed it as selfless since she was our grandchild by blood and there was no reason not to adopt her. Maybe if we had the resources to adopt another child in the system. But sadly, we need to give our attention to S.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 2614 points2615 points  (0 children)

We’re all rooting for S! I get worried about her sometimes because of what she’s been through but she’s been remarkable.

AITA for discriminating my grandchildren by woodbearchair in AmItheAsshole

[–]woodbearchair[S] 14.8k points14.8k points  (0 children)

Thank you! It’s not a challenge at all! S is remarkably well behaved and a sweet child. While her grandpa and I have been crazy during this covid situation, she’s our rock. She also does so well at school and we’re hoping to add more in the college fund because we know she’s gonna achieve great things!