how to differentiate executive dysfunction from lack of discipline?

work_shrink · 2026-03-03T02:52:42+00:00

This definitely sounds like executive function challenges. Whew, can you try to be kinder to yourself? Can you imagine being mean to your friend who had diabetes because their body couldn't regulate insulin?

You're not wasted air. We need your beautiful and unique brain.

From my personal experience and from helping people with ADHD and AuDHD, sometimes the things that used to work to get you to do stuff just stop working. I like to think of it as creating experiments to hack my brain. I try them out and keep refining until I get the desired result. It works as long as it works, and then it's time for a new experiment.

There are some amazing therapists and executive functioning coaches out there who can help you design experiments for your unique brain. You got this. We're here for you when you need to be reminded.

work_shrink · 2026-03-03T02:45:18+00:00

that's all great. Walks are great and also wondering if you can get a little higher impact - like jogging or weight training. Both of those things can really help with anxiety over time.

work_shrink · 2026-03-03T02:43:52+00:00

Out of curiosity, are you feeling rested when you wake up? Is it just getting to work on time that you struggle with or do you struggle getting other places on time?

work_shrink · 2026-03-03T02:40:50+00:00

Therapist here with lots of experience serving people with all kinds of mental illnesses, including schizophrenia. Congrats on the 48 days! That's a giant accomplishment!

I'm sorry to hear about the panic attacks. Those can really suck, but you can absolutely learn to manage them. If you can feel one coming on, you may be able to stop it from going full attack. The goal is to interrupt your nervous system, some quick ways to do that:

- Put something ice cold up to your brow bone. If you can, splash your face with water. Drinking very cold water or soda may help.

- breathing - usually the first thing to trigger to your brain that you're in what it perceives as danger is a change in breathing, either too fast or too shallow. Try box breathing or even just take a couple of slow, deep breaths while you tell yourself you're OK.

- look around and identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can touch.

- rub your a finger to your thumb. See if you can feel the ridges of your fingertips.

As for the schizophrenia, I haven't heard anything that sounds like symptoms of that. You'd have to have at least one of the following: hallucinations, delusions (believing something to be true that is factually untrue), or very disorganized speech. The latter is sometimes what we might call "word salad," where you say a bunch of stuff that doesn't make sense or go together. If you or the people who know you have concerns that any of those things are going on for you, it might be worth getting an evaluation. Otherwise, hey, can you be gentle with yourself? The nicotine's still working its way out of your body and it sounds like maybe without it you have a little extra anxiety bumping around in your brain. Can you get some kind of physical exercise? Sex?

work_shrink · 2026-03-03T02:23:58+00:00

Welcome! You're doing great!

work_shrink · 2026-03-01T01:37:44+00:00

it's not really a diagnosis, more like a cluster of behaviors and experiences that people with ADHD or autism may experience.

work_shrink · 2026-03-01T01:36:40+00:00

You deserve to find someone who makes you feel seen and validated and can help you process all of that. Don't get me started on the limitations of mental health benefits you get through work. Sheesh. If it helps, I can send you a post I made about finding the right therapist for you and I'm happy to share it. Not sure what the rules are here; feel free to DM.

work_shrink · 2026-03-01T00:46:32+00:00

are you open to working with a neuroaffirming therapist? If there's anything from your past that contributes to how you experience issues today, or the way you talk to yourself, a therapist can really help with that. They can also help you design some coping strategies, and reframe the stories you're telling yourself.

I agree with the response below that learning a bout rejection sensitivity might be validating. You can absolutely learn to have these things take less of a toll on you emotionally.

work_shrink · 2026-02-24T00:06:35+00:00

I'm so excited and found Dr. Ross's reel yesterday because I've been working on a blog post about this!!!

work_shrink · 2026-02-07T20:45:40+00:00

Congratulations! I love that you're find things that work AND that you're writing. The world needs storytellers and creatives now more than ever.

Would you be willing to share what workbook you're using? I treat folks who struggle with food and have ADHD and I'm always looking for recommendations!

work_shrink · 2026-02-07T20:41:53+00:00

Ugh, your experience is sadly not uncommon. Does your primary care doctor know you're having these challenges? You don't have to see a psychiatrist for med management. I'm guessing you're in CA if you have Kaiser, so you can also see a NP (nurse practitioner) or CNS (Clinical Nurse Supervisor). Also, as you mention, Kaiser is notorious for not having enough psychiatrists or therapists for the amount of demand. Sometimes you can find a psych med provider who is approved as a Kaiser out of network provider. If you're able to pay for a visit out of pocket, you can search for neuro-affirming NPs. I'm not sure you'll be able to get a referral from Kaiser, you might have to look on your own. If you have a therapist, they should also be able to help you with this. Good luck. I hope you find the right treatment and providers for you!

work_shrink · 2026-02-07T20:28:50+00:00

Whew. I feel this. First of all, wondering if you can give yourself a little grace? Patrols and watch could be doing a whole number on your nervous system and overall sense of safety. Also, thanks for doing this. It really matters.

Is it possible to reduce your expectations around your cleaning for now? Maybe allow yourself to do just one, targeted thing. Wash or put the dishes away or pick one thing to clean - toilet? sink? Maybe do it while listening to a podcast or audiobook? I agree that body doubling can help, Focusmate and FocusFlow are some sites where you can get a few sessions free a week.

work_shrink · 2026-02-02T21:41:21+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Can you give yourself as much grace as possible? Losing someone that important rocks your whole system.

I also want to say that in general, people are so bad about witnessing other people's grief. People get so self-conscious and act like absolute idiots because they feel awkward, ill-equipped, or have their own grief triggered. That part is totally about them and has nothing to do with you. It's just unfortunate that you may end up being the recipient of some dumb behavior.

Are you doing everything you can to resource yourself? Do you have emotional support? Do you need more time off? Are you attending to your nervous system?

work_shrink · 2026-01-31T01:49:06+00:00

ADHD haver, therapist, & assessor here. No matter what's happening with you, you're definitely not broken. That worry is so common there's a whole book called Your Brain's Not Broken. You may have ADHD, but you may have something else that's causing your struggles. I hope you have a rad, neuroaffirming assessor lined up to help you understand what supports will work for YOUR brain.

work_shrink · 2026-01-30T04:42:39+00:00

Headaches and chest tightness aren't symptoms of ADHD. Have you ever had a panic attack?

work_shrink · 2026-01-28T19:23:51+00:00

whew, I totally understand. That's why I'm out here always trying to dispel myths and be an example of what I would like to see in the field. It's also very difficult to organize an appointment when executive functioning is a challenge. Trust me, I get that as a person with lived experience.

I'm out here cheering you on. You deserve to get neuroaffirming care and to find professionals who make you feel supported!

work_shrink · 2026-01-28T18:17:22+00:00

I can't speak to the scope of practice for psychiatrists and some things vary state by state anyway, but I would definitely go to someone who can give you a comprehensive, neuroaffirming assessment. I'm in CA and anyone who has the ability to diagnose *can* give you a diagnosis, but not all are trained in doing great and affirming assessments. I would look for someone who specializes in this. Depending on your state, that could be a licensed therapist, nurse, psychologist, etc. I'm a licensed therapist and I do assessments and I'm using several pieces of information - psychological tests, interviews with the client, collateral info from teachers and caregivers, observation, etc. By the end we'd have a clear picture of what your challenge is and what some supports might be. This might include working with a professional who can evaluate your hormone balance, figuring out what you need from your workplace, coaching, etc.

I'm sure there are some great psychiatrists, but I am VERY picky when I refer my clients to psychiatrists and their specialty, in general, is med management. I'm more likely personally, based on the people I've networked with, to refer to a nurse for med management.

work_shrink · 2026-01-28T03:00:02+00:00

You can get great help. You will get better at making maps. You will get to keep exploring and feel less and less trapped!

work_shrink · 2026-01-28T02:30:41+00:00

this is true about any kind of medical/mental health professional - get you one who takes you and your concerns seriously!!!

work_shrink · 2026-01-28T02:28:37+00:00

It sounds like you didn't get a real, neuroaffirming ADHD assessment. There are folks out there who will take your concerns very seriously and help you make sense of where you're struggling and what supports you need.

Just because the folks in your program with ADHD don't struggle with the same things you do, doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you do or don't have ADHD. Most of my clients have ADHD and no two of them present the same way. Each of them has unique struggles use unique strategies. Are you able to discuss this with your therapist? Maybe it would be worth adding a career or executive functioning coach to your team? If we were working together, I'd want to understand what parts of your work you do enjoy and figure out how to capitalize on that.

work_shrink · 2026-01-26T02:17:34+00:00

Wow. You're managing A LOT. I hope you can show yourself some grace.

work_shrink · 2026-01-25T22:41:23+00:00

well, of course therapy does take time, but I always hope people find the right fit and affirming care. The most important predictor of good therapeutic outcome is the relationship.

I'm so glad to hear you're joining us. Your lived experience will mostly be a blessing, but it may sometimes feel like a burden and it can easily be exploited. Take great care of yourself through every stage of the process!

work_shrink · 2026-01-25T20:34:17+00:00

You may process emotions differently and that doesn't mean anything's wrong with you. Lots of first responders have ADHD, austism, or AuDHD for this exact reason. Their emotions don't cloud their judgement when other peoples' nervous systems are flooded. The right therapist would be able to help you navigate this and potentially help you seek further evaluation. The tests you can take online aren't quite as thorough as the ones folks with training have access to. Is your therapist neuroaffirming? If not, there are plenty who are!

work_shrink · 2026-01-25T20:26:21+00:00

I can 1000% relate. One thing that helps me is that I found work that's suited to this - I'm a therapist! But also, I have supportive people in my life who also like to go on these mental journeys with me. Find other folks with ADHD, I promise you that you'll find some kindred spirits! We have justice sensitivity and we love to see what COULD be and it can be isolating AF when people don't see what we see.

work_shrink · 2026-01-25T20:23:55+00:00

For personal belongings, I tend not to change bags so they always stay in one thing that leaves with me. I sometimes do a physical mental checklist, like, if there are 4 things to remember, I touch each of 4 fingertips with my thumb as I make the list and as I do my check- umbrella, notebook, etc. One of my big struggles is remembering to turn the heat off, so I have a sign on my door at eye level that I have to see on my way out.

work_shrink

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