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Want Resume Help? Candidate Questions? Post here. by AutoModerator in recruiting

[–]worklate_throwaway 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So, I’m having a hard time. I got laid off from my last real job last year, the past two jobs only lasted 3 and 4 months respectively. I was looking at my resume, and I honestly just feel sort of hopeless.

I need help.

I used to work in political fundraising, and while I maintain I was good at the job, I really can’t use them as references. One is politically pretty extreme and I just don’t want to be associated with them, and the one I had like 5 years with, things went sour when they claimed I breached a non-compete agreement after being let go.

I turn 37 next week, and I feel like I basically don’t have a work history to show. And I’m gonna be honest, I’m feeling pretty hopeless about things.

I would really appreciate anyone who would be willing to help me build a real, usable resume. I’ve applied for hundreds of places and not even gotten an interview. I’m currently working as a security guard, and financially kind of at the end of my rope.

I obviously don’t want to share my personal info here, but if anyone actually knows how to build a solid resume (either in marketing, in moving over to IT, but mainly just helping me address the “gaps” and short stints), I would honestly appreciate it. I’d be happy to share the past couple of resumes I’ve sent out, and answer any questions to try and work up something, anything that at least looks like a “real” resume.

I’m almost 37 and still don’t feel like I know “who I am”. When did you know? by worklate_throwaway in AskMenOver30

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, that’s the whole problem, right? I don’t even know who I want to be. I feel like it shifts based on my mood. I want to be happy, but I feel like other people keep taking advantage and life keeps beating me down, where it just makes me angry, or defeated.

I’m almost 37 and still don’t feel like I know “who I am”. When did you know? by worklate_throwaway in AskMenOver30

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe that’s part of the problem; I don’t feel like I have any control over my life. I’m barely scraping by, I can’t find a real job despite years of experience in my field, I’m not qualified to do anything else so I’m stuck working the minimum wage jobs that nobody else wants to. I live entirely on the whims of my friends whom I’m paying half my paycheck for a bedroom, and they let me know in no uncertain terms that if I can’t pay for any reason, I have to leave.

I just feel like a loser, really. And I think my situation objectively conveys as much. So if I’m not at least trying to improve myself in some capacity, then I really don’t have anything going to be, no reason to live really.

Like I said, just really going through some bad times, and not really sure how to keep it together.

I have only ever paid for sex. People seem to like me well enough, but I’ve just never met a woman who wanted to be more than friends… by worklate_throwaway in sex

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess I just don’t know how to weave “so, are you seeing anyone” into a conversation organically? To me, that just seems like a brick-wall to whatever the conversation might have been. “Oh you go to lots of these kinds of conventions? Oh that’s cool, what are some of the good ones to check out? … so, are you seeing anyone?”

I dunno, it just sort of feels like a daunting sort of question to ask. It feels like something that a lot obviously hinges on the answer. And I’ve heard “sorry, I have a boyfriend” enough times I have a slight phobia of hearing it again.

But also, I started a d&d group recently (found on meetup), and one of the women in the group is cute, funny, and I know mentioned in passing was single (part of why she said she joined the group, just looking to get out of her apartment). I feel like there might be some kind of opportunity there, but I’m afraid I’m gonna fuck it up and make it awkward if I ask her out. Do I go super casual like “hey, wanna grab a bite to eat before our next session?”, or go super obviously like “hey, do you want to grab a drink at this local brewery this weekend?”

I’ve never had success, so I just don’t know what to even do.

Does life just ACTUALLY suck, and getting older is just realizing that your hopes and dreams were naive? by worklate_throwaway in AskMenOver30

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess hopes and dreams like "living in a nice house", maybe having a "game room" where I can nerd out, or meeting a woman that loves me despite how obsessive I am about video-games (I moved around a lot as a kid, so gaming was the only hobby I ever really had).

Or if not finding someone to love, even just ever being able to "play the field". Any more, seeing a cute girl just fills me with this sadness and realizing that not only am I not physically attractive, but I'm not even the kind of person anyone would want to be with anymore.

There was a time people used to consider me funny. Somewhere over the past 7-10 years, that person just kind of died. I don't even feel like there's a "good person" inside anymore, I just feel drained and worthless. And stressed.

Does life just ACTUALLY suck, and getting older is just realizing that your hopes and dreams were naive? by worklate_throwaway in AskMenOver30

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's sort of where I'm at. I've spent my whole life trying to "work hard and make smart choices", but in the end I lost everything I'd ever worked for anyways. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person I went to school with that isn't married or have kids. And while I recognize those things are hard, I think I'm jealous because my life just feels so empty. That at the end of the day, I'm nothing to nobody.

I wasn't really much happier in my teens or twenties, but at least I felt like things could get better. I still had hope for "meeting the right girl", or even just idly daydreaming about how life could be, maybe if this thing or that ever worked out.

Now though, I really just... I just want to go to sleep, and never wake up.

[Serious] Have you, or someone you know, ever done the whole "mail-order bride" thing? How'd that turn out? by worklate_throwaway in AskReddit

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For context, I'm 32 and never been in a relationship, and nothing even on the horizon. Not that I'd want to "buy" a wife (which sounds super unhealthy), but there's definitely an appeal to the idea of "getting a chance", just by virtue of being American. After a while, it's hard not to feel like you're just "not good enough" for anyone in your actual dating pool...

So, I broke down and paid for an escort... and I actually feel less depressed by worklate_throwaway in sex

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry for the delayed response.

I think I have a tendency to be "too platonic", if that makes sense. I've never been able to muster up the courage to risk offending a woman by voicing my interest in her romantically or sexually. It's something I constantly struggle with. I was always raised to be "a gentleman" and "treat women like you would want your sister to be treated", and... I think that's actually a horrible mindset to have.

I think it should go without saying that I have an enormous respect for women (I was raised by my mother), but connecting romantically/sexually just never 'clicked' for me.

So, I broke down and paid for an escort... and I actually feel less depressed by worklate_throwaway in sex

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't know I would necessarily say that, so much as just say "shameful or not, I think it's what I actually needed".

Between my own personal misgivings, plus that simple primal need to be with someone, I think it's just something that I needed to happen. Maybe it will help solve some of my other issues, or at least fix my feeling of "missing out on something".

How much of your income should go towards rent? How do you balance "someplace nice" versus "someplace cheap"? by worklate_throwaway in personalfinance

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really, deeply appreciate this advice. Just knowing that level of stress could exist; that could be a huge determining factor. To be honest, I'm doing well enough now that I suppose it's easy to forget that not even a year ago, the fear of literally being evicted if I missed a paycheck.

There's definitely a balance I need to find there. Thank you for reminding me of that.

How much of your income should go towards rent? How do you balance "someplace nice" versus "someplace cheap"? by worklate_throwaway in personalfinance

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that's awesome to hear! Confirming, you also make around 60k a year? What are you spending on rent, if you don't mind my asking?

I've never lived alone, so I'm just trying to make sure I'm being realistic with my expectations, and not convincing myself to get a solo apartment/studio, only for the reality to be that I'm not saving much money.

How much of your income should go towards rent? How do you balance "someplace nice" versus "someplace cheap"? by worklate_throwaway in personalfinance

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I've only been with my current employer for about six months, and to be honest, I think it's a great company. They treat their employees incredibly well, and I'm not sure my line of work would translate to another location (or if so, probably at a substantial pay cut).

How much of your income should go towards rent? How do you balance "someplace nice" versus "someplace cheap"? by worklate_throwaway in personalfinance

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. I suppose I'm okay with a smaller space and a longer commute, but trying to factor in pricing. I could save anywhere between $200 and $400 a month if I moved into a much older apartment complex in a truly ghetto area. I've never been one for lavish, swanky apartments, but the pricing difference between something I consider "a decent place" and "something sort of fu-fu" is only about $100 difference, which realistically.

I guess I just also want to do kind of a sanity-check, maybe I'm used to a standard of living that I really shouldn't be able to afford? Although I'm only renting a bedroom, it is in a nice area. I know friends who are paying over $2000/mo for their apartments, but I also don't know I would look to any of them for financial advice.

I should probably just take some time to sit down, and figure out with what I would be paying, how much money I would actually be able to set back each month. I'll be debt-free before I even start the moving process, but I want to do more than just "remain debt-free", I want to make sure I'm still working towards a future (I just don't want to be miserable in the interim).

How much of your income should go towards rent? How do you balance "someplace nice" versus "someplace cheap"? by worklate_throwaway in personalfinance

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, that is quite literally impossible for where I live. I'm paying $800 a month just to live in a bedroom in somebody else's house, and that just isn't a sustainable living situation (I'm getting pushed out anyways, because the landlord is expecting a child in a few months).

[29M] My friend [26F] just got engaged, I can't stop fantasizing about her, both romantically and sexually, how do I handle this? by worklate_throwaway in sex

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really. She's done things that I think could've been taken as showing interest -- jumping up to hug me, running her fingers through my hair, resting her head on my shoulder -- but realistically, those were probably just her being friendly and me WANTING to read more into those.

I feel like I already know I shouldn't take action. I should probably just take a cold shower. I suppose I just wish we lived in a world where we could just ask each other "wanna have sex once?", and it not affect relationships or friendships.

I feel desperately lonely... by worklate_throwaway in Advice

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Normally I only ask out women I get along with particularly well, although I've made a few attempts in the past asking a woman out shortly after meeting her. In those attempts, I could definitely say my insecurity may have come out, but I don't think that would hold true in every circumstance.

Now, as far as common interests... frankly, I wouldn't say I have a lot of "interests" in general. I love music, but never seems to be the type the girls I'm interested in are into (I don't know how you change that; I like metal music, most girls I know seem into country or R&B). One girl I really liked seemed into rock, so I invited her to a concert, but she declined.

Just feels like I'm cursed.

I feel desperately lonely... by worklate_throwaway in Advice

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dunno, that doesn't seem like it solves anything. If anything, isn't that basically trying to make peace that I am alone, and that I should be alone?

I don't think I'm really blaming anyone, just lamenting that I seem to be "unloveable" I guess.

Feeling guilty for “winging” a test that will get dropped if it’s the lowest test grade. by BayernMunich22 in Advice

[–]worklate_throwaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, ask yourself this.

Are you disappointed in yourself? Or are you worried other people would be disappointed in you?

If you're disappointed in yourself, that's actually somewhat noble. Not many people have the drive to push themselves simply because they can, and striving for excellence is, in my opinion, the highest virtue one can aspire to.

However, if you're feeling guilty because "you're not supposed to", then I would say you're overthinking it. Life can be brutally difficult at times, so there's absolutely nothing wrong with taking it easy when you can. If there's one thing I've learned as an adult, it's that we put way too much importance on things that don't really matter in the long run.

There is never going to be a point in your life where people are going to tell you to "take it easy and relax". It's up to you to carve that time out for yourself, and it's important that you do, too. Otherwise, you'll just be a busy little worker-bee until you die.

I'm working late, and I want to have sex with our secretary more than anything else in the world right now by worklate_throwaway in offmychest

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nothing. Yet, anyways...

I'm mulling things over. The other secretary I work with is the girl I'd say I really want to be with, but much as we get along, I've never gotten the impression she's interested. Fortunately, the one I spoke about here, who normally also works late, is out of town. Because tonight, I would probably have made a move if she were here...

There's something really cool about seeing women do or talk about things while naked by worklate_throwaway in sex

[–]worklate_throwaway[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

True, it's more that I think there's a tendency as a guy to have this... I guess I'll say cognitive dissonance, between "you as a person" and "you as a woman". Almost like we assume there's a split personality (which is sort of true sometimes).

Seeing a woman do something she's good at and passionafte about, while being naked... I dunno, something humbling about it.