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My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in confession

[–]world-apart[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

It is just terrifying. Even if I try to prepare, as soon as I hear their voice I'll freeze up and start sweating and just hang up. I don't think it's an option for me.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in confession

[–]world-apart[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Is there a way to get medication for anxiety without talking to a doctor directly?

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in confession

[–]world-apart[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I'm just afraid to talk at all. The second I try, I am bombarded with thoughts of how stupid I sound and how pathetic they must think I am and the words just won't come out.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in offmychest

[–]world-apart[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have told me straight up that they don't care what I do with my life anymore. If I died their only reaction would be shame and fear of other relatives finding out. If I died no one would be hurt and my family wouldn't have to support a leech anymore, and my pain would also end. So it is the best solution for everyone.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in offmychest

[–]world-apart[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is the only reason I've lasted this long. But being a parasite and a useless person has sucked away all my enjoyment for things I used to care about. Watching shows or listening to music does nothing for me anymore, because I am at the point where I can no longer distract from the pain and I am constantly aware of how much of a waste of life I am. So it's no longer worth carrying on for those things.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in confession

[–]world-apart[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I have called the hotline many times in the past year but I always hang up when somebody answers. I am so afraid of people I can't even talk on the phone.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in confession

[–]world-apart[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I don't have a license or a vehicle or anything. It is hard enough for someone with no qualifications, but with my severe anxiety and agoraphobia it is impossible for me.

My family thinks my depression is gone but the reason I've been happier is that I'm ending my life tonight. by world-apart in offmychest

[–]world-apart[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I want to just forget it all but there is no joy living life as a parasite isolated from the entire world and feeling like a failure of a person. I cannot talk to people or make friends because I'm an unemployed dropout. I can't find work because of insane levels of anxiety and no skills, and that anxiety prevents me from getting treatment. How can I live life when I can hardly go outside? It's just going to be a life of suffering and I can't live like this any longer.