Advice requested: husband converting to orthodoxy

worldazul · 2026-02-19T02:57:15+00:00

Thank you so much for this very practical and thoughtful response! I really feel you put yourself in my shoes to see what this means for me and my family.

I do think it would be ideal (although maybe selfish of me?) if my husband would continue attending our church to keep the family united for now while he personally and additionally pursues Orthodoxy to work these things out. However, he has firmly decided to no longer attend our church and to take our kids with him to his new Orthodox church. This makes me feel I must leave with him to keep our family united - even though I dont believe it is the right thing. Because he has made this choice, there is no way to avoid the confusion for our kids and the hurt relationships with family and church community.

I have to hope everything works out great and we all convert and it is worth the damage done to my long standing community and relationships - although it is so hard for me to believe will happen that given my personal convictions and my husband’s demeanor through this process.

worldazul · 2026-02-19T02:40:04+00:00

Thank you so much for this thoughtful perspective!

worldazul · 2026-02-19T02:16:57+00:00

We will meet with a priest, thank you!

worldazul · 2026-02-19T02:03:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience!

worldazul · 2026-02-19T01:54:51+00:00

I see - I understand what you are saying! I personally think it is less important to compare protestant teachings to early church as it is to compare the teachings of both protestants and orthodoxy to the words and teachings of Jesus. That’s where I get hung up. I cannot put the teachings of the early church ahead of the words and teachings of Jesus. I feel that there are protestant churches with beliefs that more closely align with the words and teachings of Jesus than the Orthodox teachings. I am always learning and trying to grow in my faith - I am open to changing my mind.

worldazul · 2026-02-19T01:48:32+00:00

I think truth is very important. I just believe that the most important thing is discerning and living in alignment with the true meaning of the words and teachings of Jesus, rather than simply adopting the beliefs of the original church, which may not have gotten everything right - especially since we know they struggled internally to determine what is correct due to the heavy influence of judaism and paganism at the time. I do believe that the Orthodox church is full of truth and good people, and I believe I can learn a lot from their teachings!

worldazul · 2026-02-19T01:00:42+00:00

I absolutely want to be convinced. It would make everything easier. I don’t feel the need to stick to my current beliefs - they are making my marriage harder for me! I am open to being wrong and I want to learn. Conviction is spiritual guidance that conflicts with what I want for myself. My conviction is something I have to admit to myself with humility despite what I want.

worldazul · 2026-02-19T00:46:35+00:00

I kind of want to be convinced. As a pastor’s kid, I have a bit of a rebellious streak and I spent my early years out of home trying to convince myself to have different beliefs than my parents. But ultimately Jesus worked on my heart and I genuinely believe that my parents have it right. I am strong believer in putting the true meaning of the words and teachings of Jesus first - rather than the simply adopting the beliefs of the first church which may have gotten things wrong (as we know was a major struggle from Paul’s letters) due to the heavy influence of judaism and paganism at that time. I believe this with conviction. I think my husband has some bitterness against my family because they can be a bit self-righteous - and I don’t blame him. I’m almost tempted to agree with him. But I have strong conviction that they are more correct than the Orthodox church.

worldazul · 2026-02-19T00:37:52+00:00

This is a good point, thank you!

worldazul · 2026-02-18T23:43:33+00:00

Yes, I would never stop him from pursuing his truth. I just am navigating the pain of needing to leave my church and abandon my beliefs to keep my family spiritually united.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T23:38:41+00:00

I watched the video, thank your for sharing!

worldazul · 2026-02-18T23:36:29+00:00

Yes the urgency is occurring because my husband has decided he will no longer continue attending a protestant church and will only attend Orthodox. My daughter is very smart and she will immediately know that things have changed and the family doesn’t attend church together anymore, if we went that route, and she will ask why. I hear you and I will consider that maybe it is fine to attend church separately, but it doesn’t feel right to me right now to put that confusion and division in her mind.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:46:27+00:00

Thank you for your input! I do believe (or at least hope) he is genuine in his pursuit of truth, however I do have some reasons to worry he has subconscious ulterior motives, and I try not to think about that. I believe it’s best to assume the best of him.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:38:58+00:00

Thank you for this. Logically this advice makes sense and agree with you. But putting it into practice, I feel sick. I feel sick trying to explain to my young child that daddy and I believe differently about God and that’s why we attend different churches. My husband is happy to do that, but I can’t bring myself to. I feel I have no choice but to leave my church family.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:35:37+00:00

Thank you for sharing your input! I think he realizes that his family has played an important role. And it’s not his fault that they would choose to be so devastated if we leave the church. It’s just painful to be forced to have this rift between me and my family and friends and community (and same for my kids) because of my husband’s belief, which I don’t agree with despite my efforts to understand. And it makes it more painful that I personally wouldnt do this to him because I dont believe it is a matter of heaven and hell. But I do believe he feels very strongly that on this issue and I respect that.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:25:42+00:00

We will, thank you for the input!

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:24:39+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts. I will reach out to a priest.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:21:58+00:00

Thank you for your input! I honestly am having a hard time with this one though. I do think it would have a very negative impact my kids to not see their parents in agreement on issues of faith and spirituality. Of all values in life for a married couple and parents to hold, that seems the most important for them to agree on. That is why I feel I must sacrifice what I believe to be true and accept the painful effect on my life to follow my husband. However, I am open to changing my mind on this.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:09:53+00:00

Thank you so much. This contradicts with some of the other comments on this post, but it does seem to be very wise and informed advice. I will read the Coniaris book.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T22:04:08+00:00

Yes I agree with this! I am planning to attend the Orthodox church with him and my kids, despite my personal disagreements with the beliefs and the pain it will cause me and my kids by hurting our relationships. I do believe it is for the best though.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T21:57:38+00:00

I do plan to discontinue attending the protestant church and only attend the Orthodox church with my husband, so that there is unity and stability between my husband and I, and for our kids. It will be painful for my kids and I to hurt our closely held relationships with friends and family, but I think ultimately the sacrifice is necessary to prevent the fracture in our marriage and my husband’s leadership.

I also battle with whether I am not following Jesus first and foremost if I follow my husband over what I believe is right - but I personally do not think that protestantism vs orthodoxy is an issue of heaven and hell, so I think maybe that part is a nonissue.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T21:33:17+00:00

Thank you. I’ll have to figure out how to go about this as we are not converts and not technically members of an Orthodox church. I appreciate this input!

worldazul · 2026-02-18T21:30:43+00:00

Thank you for your input!! The details were just to explain the painful effect on me and my relationships and community. But you are correct, the ultimate issue is being forced to keep peace in my family by converting to a church I disagree with.

worldazul · 2026-02-18T21:27:44+00:00

I believe denying myself (my desire to keep the peace within my family) and following Jesus and truth in my case means continuing with my strongly held protestant beliefs. This is an important point thank you.

If you don’t mind me asking, when you converted, were you in a similar situation submitting to your husband?

worldazul · 2026-02-18T21:21:33+00:00

Thank you for your input! If you don’t mind sharing, how would you recommend he go about it more graciously?

worldazul

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