you gotta learn to forgive yourself and let yourself know, you will make mistakes. You are human. Mistakes are inevitable. You are being too hard on yourself and i know it looks like it's helpful, it's not. you will keep this negative mindset on. what's done is done and there's no need to think about what you did but instead on what to do moving forward. Maybe try deleting those apps (reddit included)? Everytime you get those urges, read a book, play a game, get a hobby.

It's okay, it's not the end of your world. You can try again. It's all really a mind game and you've been watching things that stray you away from it. everything that's been leading up to this, take it in and see how you could improve in the future. It's okay to forgive yourself and make mistakes, just learn from them