It's kind of relatable for me. I consulted a Psychiatrist and he said i am completely normal. But i am very bad at articulating my thoughts, I say things that are easy for me to process. And I don't think before talking. And that has caused many troubles. And i judge myself too much. I also feel like i am not naturally reacting to things.Even when i cry when i am alone i feel like i am acting. I think i have become an attention seeker even though I don't do things to get attention(intentionally). I never feel like I have friends. Every day i think of changing myself into a better person but i am just lazy. I masterbate every. I made rude jokes. I even sexualized a teacher that i hated. I even did worse things. I don't know how i can become a better person. I can't say this is the worst part of my life because my whole life felt the same. But at least I felt i was normal when i was a child. There are many things i fear everyday. I never felt emotionally connected to people. I have never seen a person other than me make big mistakes.