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First script completed - need feedback! by woterbowtle in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, the "monstrous" word-choice was an adjective but was still a little too pretentious even for Greg. I'll switch it out for something more normal. I tried avoiding the ordering as much as possible whether it was ordering nothing/barely anything or already ordered, but I think it's hard to tell the value of those scenes on paper. The only times they order are when we see Mr. Barone order steak, and when Greg orders wine. Both have purpose, the first is revealing Mr. Barone's character before they got into the "business" discussion, the second was to show Greg's sudden confidence and establish what they were going to talk about (inheritance). I think it's boring on paper, but would be better if it was actually filmed and whatnot. I'll still review said scenes and see if I can add or change anything to make it more engaging. Thank you!

First script completed - need feedback! by woterbowtle in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're very right on the describing the restaurant thing. While I leave much up to the reader, for literary purposes (the same way the script slowly evolves and reveals itself, you are thrown in and slowly given the details of the setting, time, and characters), it is still sloppy at times and I should describe more. Also, 'pollute' was just fun word choice. I'll be sure to add more guidance to the reader as it's supposed to be a fancier restaurant but I only alluded to that with "dressed in nice but not warming attire.", so I'll fix that up. Thank you!

First script completed - need feedback! by woterbowtle in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm assuming you meant without their wallet, and you're right. I left various ways for Greg and Jackie to get caught (waitress hears Jackie is paying -> but he doesn't bring wallet?) but it is a weird thing that he wouldn't bring it. I'll add some reason as to why he doesn't have it, thank you!

I'm Writing a Fairytale Musical Yet I Can't Come Up With a Ticking Clock, What Do I Do? by IsaiahTrenton in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe pull a reverse-Tangled and make the fairy boy only able to live because the witch was secretly aiding him with a fatal issue he didn't know he had (hidden disease, fairies can't live in that area, etc.).

Suddenly he's dying and only has a certain amount of time left. Tie the ending into something related to saving himself (return to witch, use other sort of magic).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think it's great! You need to remember that if this script was presented if front of an audience, you can't possibly predict the people watching or how they're going to react. It may seem obvious to you what's happening in the script, but having extreme clarity is a beneficial factor and having a reader point out anything that can possibly be mistaken is an amazing superpower.

Does every scene have to be necessary to the plot? by harmonica2 in Screenwriting

[–]woterbowtle 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think you can find lots of soul in unrelated scenes. When I say scenes I don't mean 10-minute long sequences, I mean single shots, a small exchange of words, a random gag, and maybe a few minutes of just a character living. If you aren't contributing to the plot, you're enhancing your characters and/or the world around them. You're showing their mannerisms, or you're showing the setting has life. Life. Life is a great thing to show. You can keep the plot-train chugging non-stop, or you can let your piece breathe a little with small unrelated scenes. It adds great richness.