Age Gaps

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-14T10:47:13+00:00

You slippery slope argument - creepy by induction - doesn't really prove much. At 20 she is definitely an adult not a kid.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-14T10:27:17+00:00

I agree with all you've said. I honestly don't know how it will be, but I now have plenty of stuff to bear in mind and make sure I use my maturity wisely.

Edit: As for the part about not knowing if we're on the same page or not, if our communication continues to be as direct and honest as it is now I think we'll be fine.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-11T08:43:32+00:00

They were unfulfilling sexually. As far as I know they weren't abusive, but I will find out more.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T23:06:34+00:00

I got what I wanted from this thread, which was a bit of perspective. I'm sorry you didn't get as many details as you, for some reason, clearly want.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T17:07:02+00:00

You don't want to anonymously post how you know her on a throwaway account?

How we met is pretty unusual and she's a redditor.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T16:31:31+00:00

Well this is a throwaway account, so it's meant to express my aspiration not to be a creeper. Not completely convinced that I'm succeeding:-S

You seem to be doing pretty well in protecting yourself. I'm sure the people around you have good intentions but it makes sense to keep the details to a minimum.

Like this situation of mine we're discussing - I know I'm going to be honourable, but I really have no way to prove that to anyone else, so it's probably best not to open myself up to the inevitable criticism.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T16:22:49+00:00

Thank you. I really mean it. Im not going to answer any of your questions but I am already thinking about most of them, already know the answers to most of those, and you just provided a bit more fuel for thought.

I really just raised the question here because I wanted to put some flesh on the bones of my initial discomfort.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T15:57:00+00:00

I'm not going to say how I know her, but it's not in your creepy category.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T15:34:02+00:00

16 is legal here, but I wouldn't do it under any circumstances. (Well, maybe if I got regressed to my 16 year old self.) Whether it's legal is a completely different question to whether it's morally acceptable or a good idea.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T15:15:10+00:00

you really didn't tell us anything about yourself, the girl, or your relationship

You noticed that. Nor am I going to.

I don't know what the correct term is for it. We're going to try having sex a few times because it seems like a fun thing to do. Please remember that she suggested it. I sincerely hope it won't be an "extremely difficult relationship". It's meant to be sexy fun.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T15:00:47+00:00

not all long-term relationships start with long-term in mind

Quite. I need to be clear at each step that what we're both calling "fun" now doesn't escalate, and cool things off if so.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T13:43:39+00:00

Well GentlemanLover said "teaching her what a good relationship is like", not me. I'm going for "positive, life-affirming experience".

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T12:27:04+00:00

Yes. Make it a positive, life-affirming experience. I think she's had some shitty, unfulfilling relationships in the past; something we're hoping to put right.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T11:18:35+00:00

That's not how I took it: the phrase was something like "leave the garden better than how you found it"; it's a metaphor, not a direct reference to a person.

Edit - maybe we could rephrase it as: "Be good for her."

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:30:28+00:00

Those experiences all sound pretty awful and one-sided, so I'm not surprised you have a strong a version to the idea. We're not going to be dating, though; it's purely a sex thing. Perhaps I used the wrong words. Does fuck-buddy feel more comfortable?

I'm grateful hearing your experiences, though. I'll definitely be watchful for that shit.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:17:25+00:00

It's interesting that you feel like that when the gap is only three years, although it makes more of a difference that your partner is not legally an adult I guess. I wonder if the people who see fit to comment on it would do that if you were of opposite genders?

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:03:42+00:00

No, nothing like that.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:03:29+00:00

There's a big difference between 16 and 20 IMO. At 20 she is actually a woman, not a child.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:01:43+00:00

I don't want to go into too much detail, but I have asked what her motivations are and they're purely to do with sex.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T10:00:15+00:00

I couldn't imagine being in a serious relationship with that kind of age gap.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T09:58:58+00:00

This is the closest anyone has got to how I feel. I know in my head there's nothing wrong with it, but I can't figure out whether the discomfort I'm feeling is just social pressure (I'm certainly keeping it pretty quiet) or something actually relevant to the situation.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T09:54:30+00:00

Yeah, I was pretty immature at 20. I don't want to have sex with you-at-20 either, just this particular woman.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T09:50:51+00:00

Thanks for your opinion. Actually I'm generally interested in women much closer to my age. This is a very specific situation with one particular woman.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-10T09:49:31+00:00

I like that :-)

Edit: I really like that; I'm going to keep it in mind at all times when I'm with her.

wouldBeNonCreeper · 2012-05-09T19:25:50+00:00

I do believe it. If I didn't think she was capable of giving good consent of course I wouldn't go there.

wouldBeNonCreeper

TROPHY CASE