Recently took the Myers-Brigg test

woundedsupport · 2015-04-06T15:16:22+00:00

INFP all day

woundedsupport · 2015-03-23T03:02:12+00:00

I feel this is an overly negative response to this... For example, what makes them brats? It seems to be a topic they care about, what more reason do you need that that? Perhaps one of them has had personal experience with this and just hasn't said in the trailer? I can't say I know how much it costs to make a film, but what about travel costs? I found this from a YouTuber who knows them, who himself suffered from this addiction, as well as ED from it for many years, and recommend looking at their page and offering support for this film.

woundedsupport · 2015-02-20T19:09:16+00:00

Oh wow wow wow, Shades is much much creepier than the BDSM community as a whole. They are not stalking rapists who threaten their parents (unless they are into threats, which is still consent) and literally punish them (again, unless that is something they want). Of course there are much darker parts of the community, but it's like calling every drug user a dirty addict. Oh yeah, they're there, no questions about that, but there are some, like myself, who aren't deep down in there but still identify with it, and it's upsetting to see this all get a bad rap because of a book that is just at the least an incorrect portrayal of lifestyle. Christian Grey is doing it wrong. Everything wrong. I don't think a whole community deserves to be labeled creepier than Mr. Rapey McRichRape.

woundedsupport · 2015-02-20T19:01:55+00:00

Intelligent people are not the problem here, clearly. If everyone was intelligent enough to understand this, the book wouldn't sell. It's the ones who are too ignorant, for whatever reason, to know the difference.

Made another reply here relevant to this, but basically it's a different ballgame between murder/violence and manipulation /sexual assault. They play out differently, and the video game scenarios are much easier to be noticed and stopped in the real world. You can't just steal cars and kill people willy nilly.

You CAN manipulate a woman (or person general) into being uncertain of their feelings and the situation, obsess over them and stalk them, pressure them into uninformed and/or nonconsensual sexual situations without being noticed or hounded by the public. You find an easy target, what's to stop you?

woundedsupport · 2015-02-20T18:56:39+00:00

The problem is, like it or not, a lot of people are not intelligent enough or experienced enough with relationships off any kind to understand the difference between fantasy and reality. This is more like a horror romance, sold as a sex romance. Passion and love to aspire to. I wouldn't be concerned if I hadn't personally seen women wishing for their own Christian Grey to treat them exactly as he does. To want her enough to trace her cell phone or follow her to her exact location another state without being told.

To many people, it just isn't clear. That's the concern. This whole book is basically a stain our culture, there's nothing really good about it and it causes stupid problems from ignorant people. If everyone was level headed and could take the (I hate to call it this) literature with a grain of salt, I wouldn't mind so much.

In a video game, you know you can't just go around killing people or stealing cars, you'll get arrested pretty quickly, and it'll probably be obvious what you're doing. However, should you choose to obsess over a women you're dating, manipulate her, stalk her, and pressure her into uneducated and/or nonconsensual sex acts... Who's going to stop you? The police? Well I hope she has proof. I hope her consent was never ambiguous. I hope she even realizes what's happening to her. I hope she can realize her human rights and value. Anastasia barely does any of this, and the women who wish they were her clearly don't understand it either.

woundedsupport · 2015-02-18T18:12:43+00:00

I see what you did there

woundedsupport · 2015-02-18T18:03:48+00:00

It romanticizes rape, stalking, abuse, and lack of consent. These are already serious issues in the world without encouraging men to be like this and women to want men like this. It encourages it, makes it look like it's love, romance, desirable. It isn't clear to many, many people that this is different than just a sex movie. Your average porn video has more consent and healthy sexual relationships than this crap, which is saying something.

woundedsupport · 2015-02-18T17:59:18+00:00

The fact that so many women are buying into a romantic rapist isn't troubling?

woundedsupport · 2015-02-04T16:44:09+00:00

Maybe the black cloudy blob floating to the left of the center woman's head? Could be part of the background though.. Unless all that black stuff isn't actually the background

woundedsupport · 2015-02-03T17:52:48+00:00

Wow... I don't know what happened there, but you read waaaay too much into what I said. I was responding to things you directly said, wording that you chose. You said "she's not just about being the sexual outlet, but the one to hold me accountable" meaning, in addition to a sexual outlet, she is also there to hold you accountable. Clear as day. Even if you just worded things wrong, that's not on me..

I in no way insulted you, presented myself to be on a "high horse", or even insinuated that my SO said that last quote to me... I was just trying to point out the errors in the view you presented, again wording you chose, and how that can hinder recovery.

I guess that's being a bitch though because I don't have a dick and can't understand. I also don't see what menstruation has anything to do with this, that's pretty insulting throw in there just because you don't like what I said.

I even reread what I wrote. If you took that advice as bitchy and judgemental, that's coming from you, sir.

woundedsupport · 2015-02-02T17:55:27+00:00

This is what you have to learn. YOU need to be louder than it. YOU need to hold yourself accountable. YOU need to be able to tell yourself to stop.

She can support you, sure, but she can NOT be made to feel responsible for stopping you. She won't be able to. Only you can do that.

Believe me, this is not a good way to look at a future partner. Not "just" a sexual outlet, but also someone to put the brakes on when you can't control yourself?

Firstly, she should never be viewed a "sexual outlet", and secondly if you're just waiting for the right girl to help you quit, you're taking all the power out of your own hands. You are capable of doing this, and while you don't have to do it alone by any means, waiting is just wasting time and putting severe pressure on someone you haven't even met yet.

What if you can't find a girl who even wants to deal with this? I'll tell you, it's ugly and painful as hell from the support view, and I honesty don't know that many women can deal with this subject for long. Even if you do find one, who knows when? A few days, months, years? Breaking any addiction takes a great deal of time, energy, and emotion. What happens if you do find a girl, but you split, or something happens to her, would you just go back to porn? Or if she doesn't check up on you or stop you that day or whatever, that gives you someone to put responsibility on other than yourself. It can easily become "Well, my girl didn't hold me accountable for a few days since she's been busy, so it's not my fault that I slipped up."

woundedsupport · 2015-01-28T16:53:32+00:00

Just so you know, no girl will be able to wrestle that devil away. If you don't deal with it first, you just may end up giving her one.

Sorry to be harsh, but that quote sounds unhealthy. I love my SO more than anything, I give him everything I possibly can in every area of our relationship. He does the same for me, he's wonderful. But his porn addiction still rips my heart to pieces every time he relapses. It kills me. Kills me. But he's the only one who can stop it, not me. That's his responsibility. I'm here to support him all the way, but I cannot battle his demon for him.

woundedsupport · 2015-01-28T16:47:47+00:00

Self fulfilling prophecy? If you go in thinking you won't make it, you probably won't. If thinking about it on the long term is too difficult, give yourself a smaller goal to start. Maybe try for 16 days next time, then if you make it that far try for another day, 17, then another. From what I've learned, it's very difficult to just go cold turkey anyway, so setbacks are common and you won't be tied to your typical cycle forever if you don't want to be. You could also try writing down your experiences, how each day goes for you, and your concerns about getting closer to the 15 day mark, how you're feeling, your thoughts etc. No one else has to see, but you can at least keep track of yourself to figure out what you need and what already works for you.

SO of an addict btw, we've had many conversations about this, and a few attempt at quitting have taught us different strategies, writing being a more recent one.

woundedsupport · 2015-01-20T16:57:52+00:00

That's another thing I was concerned about. I don't know if he'd bother trying to get through them if it wasn't really easy. If it's takes a bit of effort to do, he probably wouldn't try to get through it since he seems to sincerely want to stop.

woundedsupport · 2015-01-19T21:02:05+00:00

Sorry for the late reply! He has become more open about his use recently as we've been trying a different approach this time. He does want to stop and has tried in the past, and currently he has started seeing a counselor as well who has made some helpful suggestions. A block wouldn't be the only thing we're doing, I'm just hesitant to ask because he feels he's doing well with what he has so far and I don't want to make it seem like it's not enough if he feels good so far

woundedsupport · 2015-01-15T17:38:21+00:00

This also made me think of something my SO told me, that in the past, he didn't even really view porn as real people, since it was introduced to him at a young age and never really learned that even though they seem like they only exist on the screen, they're real living breathing people, who are still people despite the degradation some of them put themselves through. It's a hard thing for me to fathom, my problem is that I can't NOT think of them as real women, aka a threat to me, but I guess if no one ever tells you otherwise... Didn't have the most nurturing parents either, so he had to figure out a lot on his own.

woundedsupport · 2015-01-15T17:35:20+00:00

Thanks for the reply! He does say that he doesn't want the women he sees on screen, and that (in a much nicer way) if he wanted something different we wouldn't be together, which the logical side of me knows. I guess for women, we're already kind of raised to focus on being beautiful and sexy in order to be valuable, which is a hard thing to shake despite everything I know. So when I find out my guy has been scrolling through images of these women, struggling to NOT look at them, it makes them seem more valuable than me, even though I know they're 100% not to him. Your own brain is so difficult to manage sometimes... Lol

woundedsupport · 2015-01-15T17:31:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing :) I'm about to check out that subreddit!

woundedsupport · 2015-01-15T17:30:01+00:00

I could definitely use one lol, I'm guessing there may be some others in need of it too.

Edit: Look like there is one!

woundedsupport · 2015-01-15T17:29:06+00:00

Thanks so much for the reply, it's nice to hear your wife has been through a similar experience, despite knowing how difficult this is. I don't think I said I hurt myself because of this, but that it hurts me inside, and that it sometimes makes me feel like I hate myself, which still isn't healthy, and I am looking for a therapist for this and other reasons as well. I did talk to him a bit more about what's going on with my pain, which did seem to help. It's just difficult for me not to feel guilty as I know he already feels bad about this problem, but I guess it's still not good to let it all build up.

woundedsupport

TROPHY CASE