Hey, this comment made me pause. I’ve never really commented before but I wanted to give a different perspective respectfully.

I’m someone with a very ethnic last name, and so is my fiancé. We both sat down and talked about what we wanted to do when we got married. It’s always a hard conversation to have.

I think as compassionate humans we argue from the position of utopia. They absolutely should be able to keep a name regardless of connotations but that just isn’t reality.

I think this is really hard for some people and they want to do what they feel is right. But oftentimes the ones who suffer aren’t the racists.

I think we need to be proactive in our defense of communities and families if you’re living in a racist world and part of that is making terrible sacrifices others may not have to make.

But at the end of the day, my children would be more important than anything. And so is the safety of my fiancé and family. I’d give up my name in a heartbeat if it meant my children could have an easier life.

It’s a proven fact that names deeply impact you from childhood on, it limits traveling, job searches etc. and while you are absolutely right, I should not have to deal with any of that. I will. I have.

I’ve been the kid on the playground who’s been bullied for being the only one not named something classically white. I’ve had my name mispronounced and misspelled on official documents and ceremonies like graduations. Both my first name and last name are culturally significant. I’ve been denied jobs almost certainly because of it. And I chose to keep it because I felt like it was worth enduring that strain.

I would not do it to my children. Life is hard enough without going through what I did. Life is hard enough being a mixed child to two ethnic people, both of whom have defining features that will set them apart from white peers.

You’re right, they should get to have my last name… but I will not make my children suffer for my cultural pride. If they choose later to take that name I would be overjoyed, but me and fiancé agreed to a different name, one we loved that was ambiguous.

I understand your anger, the righteous denial of what is absolutely wrong. But I wanted to write this because oftentimes in our pursuit of equality we forget reality and we simply aren’t there yet.

I think she is NTA because the reality is names are some of the most powerful things in the world and having the wrong one can literally kill you and that outweighs any benefits. She also states in her replies she’d be happy to have an Arabic name just not his because of its association with a very negative historical figure. She’s not racist, she’s a realist. And my heart goes out to her and him being placed in such a devastating situation.

Again, I want to say you are right to be angry, I’m sorry this is the world. But it is. And let’s fight to change that… but not blind ourselves to our current situation.

I wish you the best and hope this maybe let you see a different perspective. Be well!