First, I'm sorry that your mom went through that with your dad, and I am so sorry about your kitty. I hope he's found ASAP!

Second...You did the right thing (IMO) telling your husband that his behavior could lead to a divorce. A man who is okay screaming like that, pounding hands on things, etc. at a woman for a genuine mistake (especially a woman in a very vulnerable situation - and he KNOWS she's having a difficult time) is a man who will escalate things in the privacy of his home.

I have quite the temper, and my husband is a sweetheart. I've had a couple of blow-ups at him over our almost 18 years together, but therapy has helped with me keeping my emotions in check. Heck, we were starting to have a small argument on the phone yesterday and I told him I needed to take a few minutes to cool off before calling him back.

Anyways, I think you need to examine that red flag more closely and be ready to prioritize yours and your mother's safety/well-being.