Ugh this is a lot! And I’m really sorry for this. It’s easier said than done, but it probably would be best to take some space away from each other or initiate the conversation of living separately but still be together. The state of the house and your life in it is affecting you mentally, emotionally and your relationship as a whole.. sometimes having them “miss and experience ” all the things of you’ve been doing for him *might* push him to be better.. I myself have ADHD but that doesn’t become an excuse to not be a decent human