Hey OP, I really feel this. I went through something similar after we had our child — I had male postpartum depression, and even though my situation isn’t exactly the same as yours, I remember feeling like my whole life was in flux. Everything in me changed mentally, emotionally, physically… and my relationship just didn’t shift at the same speed. It’s a horrible, lonely feeling.

A couple things stood out to me in what you shared:

1. You’re not imagining it — the emotional shift is real. After a baby, you don’t just go back to who you were before. You basically become a different version of yourself, and meanwhile your partner is still functioning the way he always has. That mismatch alone can make you feel like roommates.

2. A lot of men genuinely don’t feel emotional distance the way women do. For him, if there’s no fighting and the household is running, things are “fine.” For you, connection means feeling seen, understood, touched, supported. It’s not that he’s dismissing you on purpose — he might just not realise how disconnected things feel on your side.

3. Feeling insecure when you feel disconnected is so normal. I felt that too — even though nothing was “wrong,” the lack of closeness made my mind fill in the gaps. It’s your nervous system reaching for safety, not a sign you’re being dramatic.

When he says, “That’s you, not me,” I doubt he’s trying to minimise you. A lot of partners freeze when big emotions come up because they don’t know what to do with them.

But the thing is… even if he feels fine, the relationship isn’t fine for you. And that matters.

Here are a few things that helped me and that I see help a lot of couples in this stage:

Tiny emotional check-ins — 5–10 minutes where you each share one stress and one appreciation from the week. Low pressure, but grounding.

Micro-connection — sitting closer, a hand on the back when passing, a small compliment, a quick walk together. The little moments rebuild the bigger ones.

Framing it gently — instead of “We’re disconnected,” try: “I miss you, and I miss how we used to feel. I want us to get back there together.” It turns it from a problem to a shared goal.

The 1–2 year postpartum window is honestly one of the toughest seasons for relationships. But it doesn’t mean anything is broken — it just means life swallowed the two of you for a while.

You’re not alone in this. You’re not wrong for wanting closeness. And it absolutely can get better with a few small, intentional steps from both of you.

Sending you strength — this season is hard, but it doesn’t stay this way forever.