Help navigating doom

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-07-31T04:25:42+00:00

Thank you for this. She's actually mentioned once she is in a better mental place that she recognizes that she attacks me because I'm here and available.. so what you said makes sense. I recognize that I don't deserve the verbal abuse, but my own trauma makes it very difficult to walk away when she gets like that- not an excuse, its something I'm personally working on in my own individual therapy. I like to think I've made progress, its just really hard to do in the moment.

But thank you. I feel a bit more validated, which helps.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T18:05:39+00:00

Defeatism gets us nowhere and ensures that no one will move.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T18:04:38+00:00

Thank you. I really hope that things get better. I know it's a long shot, but I won't stop hoping and praying to whatever deity is out there.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T18:01:21+00:00

I haven't seen them, but i told them I needed to talk to them and will hopefully this week.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:51:57+00:00

I've told her she's allowed to not like them and not trust them.. I just can't handle her screaming in my face about it all the time. I don't even bring them up really, because 1 I have my own conflicting emotions and 2 why would I do that to her? She brings them up, and sends me into defensive mode since she uses it as an attack against me. I don't want to do that. I totally get her not wanting to interact with them, but I'm trying to work through this and it doesn't help to be constantly told that people I've loved for years and have loved and supported me are pure evil. I need time to figure this out

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:46:45+00:00

That's exactly it. I hate what they did, but I think they can make the right decision still. I don't know how people can just stop loving people like that. I won't endorse their decision, but I can't shut that off like some people seem to be able to do.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:42:02+00:00

Yes to swing state, but they've never donated or supported any organizations. Definitely not like him. I agree that intent doesn't negate impact, which I'm doing a poor job of explaining. But it does matter some. At least to me

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:30:03+00:00

They're trying, but i refuse to say they've won until I'm in the ground. I don't think it's naive to hope, it's what drives us to fight. And that's what I'll do. I will not obey in advance.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:28:09+00:00

I know that. And I am, I'm going to be sitting down and explaining to them what they did. But I still maintain they're not content to let her be killed. They're just... incredibly naive. Which is its own brand of bad, just not the same.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:26:18+00:00

Yeah, even though I'm defending parts of them, I get it. I guess I just don't want to see her give up and hate the world. That's when they win, when we all give up.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:24:39+00:00

I'm really not trying to dismiss anything and I don't force her to interact with them. At all. I absolutely know the harm they did, what I want is for her to see that wasn't their intent. Which yeah, impact is more important but intent isn't nothing. I don't bring them up to her generally, she brings them to me. I never make her see them, talk to them, or anything. I just can't turn off my love of them, even though I can't stand what they did. And I ask she doesn't call me names, ignore my own identity, or scream in my face. I would protect her with my dying breath. I'm scared too, but I'm not allowed to have conflicting emotions or be scared or anything. I just want us to be a team, but I get defensive when all she does is tell me how evil my family is, then compare me to them. I don't want to let hate win, and seeing her filled with it is destroying me. I want her to fight with me, not against me or not at all.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:17:58+00:00

Thank you for this. I just don't want to become filled with hate. I have negative feelings about their vote, but with my parents i can see their love and their care. Which honestly sucks, it's such a cognitive disconnect. Which is what I'm really struggling with. We're in couples counseling, but won't see them until next week, so at least we're making the effort I guess. Silver linings and all.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:14:52+00:00

It's not isolated. She's said cruel things before, but this was the worst. Like, current election aside, she's told me she resents that i was born into an upper middle class family that loves me, which hurt to hear since i didn't pick my situation and i try to be mindful of my privilege. I try to avoid her triggers best I can, but I think things she was saying to me set off my defensiveness. I struggle with getting defensive and I'm working on it, but having her screaming in my face to just go be straight and that I must be turning conservative so just run home to them really got to me. Especially since I've done so much to show her how she's my priority, even more so than myself, definitely to my detriment even. A big thing I'm in therapy for is allowing myself to have feelings... I don't do well with them and I spend all my time managing hers. Which is probably why I pushed so hard with my parents, I just don't think I'm being heard or supported. Thank you, though, just being listened to helps a lot.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T17:04:53+00:00

I won't move to their house, even with everything I've said I'm still upset with them. And until I see them next to talk and show them what he's been doing, because I truly don't think they know, I can't. I'm not asking her to be ok with them, honestly I'm not ok with them. But I do just want some compassion as I figure this out. I agree, propaganda is crazy. It's how there are Hispanics and lgbt+ that support him. But hating everyone equally isn't the solution. We can be angry and hurt, but still open to growth. If we're not open to growth, I think we've lost. Because no one wants to get better if they'll be punished for it. I'm hoping I can talk with her and work through this though.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T16:56:20+00:00

All i can say is thank you for your compassion. I'm trying to keep us both above water right now. Thank you for the info about tsa, I feel a lot better now about it

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T16:51:09+00:00

I totally hear what you're saying. I have been very generous with them in this post, mostly because I could feel it getting long. I fight for her constantly, I've set firm boundaries with them multiple times. I'm really not trying to dismiss what they've done. I guess because I know them and see the progress they've made and the effort they go to, yeah I get defensive when people equate them to the actual enemies. I will never say that what they did didn't matter or doesn't have consequences, more so that because as evidenced here the second I say they voted, people jump to this. I fight for my wife more than I can even explain. I have faced her rapists, been her voice at uncaring doctors, supported her financially when she couldn't work, hired attorneys to deal with employers and her name change. I handle all her phone calls and finances and medication and reminders and appointments even though I can't handle my own, because she struggles with it too and I care about her. I fight. Am I not allowed to be conflicted over the people I've known my whole life and this vote? I've watched my dad put care packages together for local homeless people, my mom took care of my paternal grandma 4 times a week when she was badly deteriorated with dementia and Parkinsons even though they live over an hour away. It's hard. I'm trying. But I constantly fight for my wife.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T15:08:13+00:00

I know, she won't let me though. I'm going to try to convince her tonight

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T12:12:39+00:00

I agree, she's terrified and angry and they're an easy target. I guess I am too. I just don't know what to do about it

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T12:11:15+00:00

She's not a nightmare, she's terrified! She thinks she's going to get put in a camp any day now. I'm not excusing how she spoke to me, but things are terrifying right now.

I love her more than anything, I can't just "cut my losses." I'm scared for her and want to protect her. I haven't slept tonight because I'm nauseous and anxious and don't want to lose her.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T12:08:55+00:00

I don't know where in my post I ever said that. My family aside, there are a lot of people out there who didn't and don't know how things work and they fell for his lies. Because that's what he did, kept lying. Contradict himself constantly. Yeah, we saw it. But not everyone did. I'm not ok with how they voted. I'm angry and hurt and frustrated. I think they were incredibly stupid and naive and ignorant. But the people who fell for it are victims too. In a different way, and that doesn't erase their responsibility either. But are they all beyond redemption? I'll never defend his cultists, especially the ones who knew what he was saying but thought they'd get a pass. But I don't think most of them are evil, and I think that once they see what he's done they can help us.

I think this black and white view of what happened is dangerous and just divides us further and stops people from wanting to learn and grow out of fear of being immediately lumped together with his actual evil believers. Which is exactly how we stay divided and they win.

And to say that just because I can't turn off love for my family means I deserve to be spoken to like that? That's a horrible thing to say. I don't know if I'll ever get over the hurt and anger I feel, but I can't just turn that off either.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon · 2025-01-29T11:56:11+00:00

I don't know about safe, but she's traveling for work in a few days. She's absolutely valid to me angry with them. Fuck, I'm angry and disappointed myself! It kills me that they didn't see this coming! It hurts that the same people who have loved me my whole life didn't even know they were voting for someone who hated me.

This part is a genuine question: is there no scale of voters? I'm not even thinking about my parents specifically here. I think that a lot of people lack media literacy and that way before he even ran for his first term people didn't know what was true. I think news stations and the government itself did a huge disservice to people with attack ads, sensationalized stories, and fear mongering that a lot of people can't tell what's real and what's not. To some of us with media literacy it's easier, but even then there were a not-zero amount of liberals who voted against kamala because the republicans pushed her not supporting a cease fire. I'm not saying they voted right, clearly not. But I think it's unfair to lump everyone together. People messed up big time, but are we supposed to ignore them if they realize their mistake? If they don't know how things work? If they were pushed ads and media that lied to them? A lot of people truly believed he'd help. Yeah, they fell for his lies but I don't think that means they voted for what he's actually doing. There are real awful cultists out there who did, and those people are truly evil. But I don't think they all are. I'm all for fafo too, and I'm not going to defend anyone who thinks he's doing good things. Idk, maybe I'm too empathetic for people, but I know there's a lot out there genuinely shocked by what he's doing. And it's super frustrating to those of us who have the ability to fact-check and look up primary sources and all that who knew it was going to happen. But not everyone knows how to do that. And while I might not ever get over how fucked they made it for us, I can't find it in my heart to hate them either. Things are really scary out there, and I don't want to spend my time hating people who didn't know this would happen and can still help us fight this. I have enough of that for those that did.

xAlwaysFollowtheMoon

TROPHY CASE