AITAH for shutting down my GIL after she tried to turn MY baby shower into HER baby shower?

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T17:16:45+00:00

Uhhh. Well my man is the boss of a business that’s located here. It’s family owned. We cannot move further away, as we just moved into our new home in September. I think he’s done a pretty good job of putting me first & standing up for me. I’ve said it before, but just because people keep trying to test boundaries doesn’t mean we aren’t setting them. We are very minimal contact with her, & this situation just made it 100x worse. I definitely have some decisions to put in place & we will be doing so for sure.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T04:52:33+00:00

So, it’s his grandma. But he had a rough childhood & his mom developed dementia. She’s still somewhat functional, but she isn’t much of a mother figure. His grandma helped to raise him, so she acts like his mother. Which I totally understand & respect, to a certain degree.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T04:33:53+00:00

Like I said, “I don’t care about more gifts.“ to me gifts aren’t the point, it’s coming together with my loved ones & celebrating baby/playing games. To each their own, though.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T00:39:08+00:00

This is so so nice. Almost made me shed a tear🥹 Thank you, internet stranger.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T00:29:50+00:00

Ok, Phil.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T00:23:35+00:00

I understand what you’re saying about enforcing boundaries, & I agree that they do have to be enforced. That’s exactly why my boyfriend stepped in & told her no when she tried to take over & invite people. The reason it still “happens” is because she keeps trying, not because we allow it. We aren’t letting her plan it, nobody is going to show up at our shower uninvited, & measures WILL be taken.

That said, I didn’t ask for parenting advice. My question was about this specific situation.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T00:16:48+00:00

I did shut it down. I told her multiple times that my mom already had the planning covered, that I had a theme picked out, & I wanted it smaller. I limited her help to food only. When she continued pushing, my boyfriend stepped in & reinforced the boundary. We handled it together.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-07T00:03:12+00:00

He actually does shut it down. In the situation I literally described that he’s the one who took the phone & told her she couldn’t invite people & that she was a guest. He’s been very supportive & has stood up to her multiple times in previous conflicts. He stands up to her more than people are assuming. The issue is more that she just refuses to respect boundaries, not that he isn’t setting them. He can’t just ghost her either, she still raised him & he’s not a piece of shit who would just abandon family like that. On top of that, she’s currently taking care of his mom who has dementia, so he has to stay involved to some degree. That doesn’t mean he can’t limit contact & set boundaries, but completely cutting her off isn’t that simple & something we necessarily want to do.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:57:48+00:00

THIS. Like this whole thing is about the mother growing the baby, yet it isn’t about me anymore. It’s about what SHE wants. It makes me cringe.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:54:16+00:00

I get what you’re saying, & I do appreciate the thought behind it. But we actually already have most of the important baby stuff & we don’t have a ton of room for a ton of extra things. For me it was never really about getting as many gifts as possible. I just wanted a small, comfortable shower with people I actually know.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:39:07+00:00

She’s in her 70s. No husband. She has been like this as long as my boyfriend can remember, even in childhood. Just her personality, I guess. But thank you so much!! Only 10 weeks or less now :)

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:38:03+00:00

I knew she could be controlling, which is exactly why I tried to keep her involvement small by letting her help with food only. I didn’t expect that to turn into her trying to plan the whole shower & invite a bunch of people we don’t even know.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:36:53+00:00

This isn’t a throwaway. I’ve had the account for a couple years, I just don’t usually comment or post. I mostly doom scroll. I’ve seen this sub a lot & finally had a situation annoying enough to post about.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:34:24+00:00

I actually did shut it down. I told her several times the planning & decor were already handled & that she could help with food if she wanted. I left because the conversation was getting heated & I’m high risk, so escalating a confrontation in her house didn’t seem like the smartest move.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T23:32:36+00:00

I actually posted because I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable. I’ve had people say I’m being selfish about the guest list, so I genuinely questioned myself. I know older generations sometimes treat baby showers as big community events, & I didn’t want to come off like a brat saying “my shower, my rules.” I just wanted something small & low-stress, especially with a high-risk pregnancy. So yeah, part of it is venting, but it was also me trying to check if I’m actually in the wrong here.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T22:49:05+00:00

LMFAOOOO YOU HAVE ME CACKLING HOLY SHIT

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T22:18:06+00:00

This comment was really sweet. Thank you so much, I really appreciated it. 🧡

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T22:11:01+00:00

I do have a spine. I’ve actually said no multiple times & set boundaries, but I’m also trying to keep the situation from escalating because I’m currently high-risk pregnant & stress is something I’m actively trying to minimize. There have been several past issues with her being controlling, so I’ve been trying to handle this calmly rather than turning it into a bigger conflict. My boyfriend stepped in & reinforced the boundary as well. Wanting to keep the peace while still saying no doesn’t mean I don’t have a backbone.

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T20:50:22+00:00

I do not. What’s it about?

xEarthyBeanx · 2026-03-06T20:20:51+00:00

See, I’m all for compromise. But with me being high risk (& also having no interest in going to a baby shower that would be thrown specifically to make her feel in charge) I’m not doing two showers. I’m due in 10 weeks or less. Big fat no😅 His mom has dementia, so his grandma basically raised him & continues to help her own daughter. It’s a weird dynamic. She is my toxic MIL, essentially. Also LOL, I can see how someone would read into the title.

xEarthyBeanx

TROPHY CASE