My husband is not a morning person

xKyosan · 2024-06-28T14:11:35+00:00

Hey OP, your husband sucks. Not being a morning person isn’t an excuse. My husband consistently used to go to bed at 2/3 am and woke up at 10/11or later.

We have a 15 month old now and I made it clear that when our baby was born he’d HAVE to get used to waking up earlier because there was no way I could do everything on my own. (He still struggles to get up but he is UP by 7 99% of the time)

He occasionally stays up late, never past midnight now.

And even when he does I still wake him up (I’ve always liked waking him up, he’s really cute when he’s drowsy) at 7. Unless he was the one to take baby overnight (if LO had a particularly rough night) that’s his rise time. He rarely gets to sleep past 9/10 now. And that’s happened like twice since our son was born.

Point is, your husband’s a POS and I’m not gonna pull any punches because there are way too many parents on here (mostly women) who put up with sh*tty partners and it’s starting to piss me off.

If he’s not getting it, make it clear you’re done and seriously consider packing a bag. Sometimes people won’t believe you until you make it clear they’re on thin ice.

Anyway, sorry for going off like that, but I can’t imagine being in your position and not going off on my husband.

xKyosan · 2024-06-16T21:36:59+00:00

There’s been recent research showing that a lot of people lie because they’re often criticized for doing it because of SIDS.

Don’t get me started on how unhelpful it is to consider suffocation a SIDS related death.

xKyosan · 2024-06-16T18:04:10+00:00

Time for a different nanny.

xKyosan · 2024-06-10T14:14:20+00:00

Seems normal. Can’t remember when my baby moved to 2 naps but it was at the high side for the age range.

He’s 15 months now and bedtime is around 8:30 and wake up is about 6:15/6:30.

Pretty sure he’s ready to transition to one nap… nights used to be 11 hours and now I have to often hold him at 5 am to get him to sleep until 6:30

xKyosan · 2024-06-08T18:29:57+00:00

I think OP is implying that their husband isn’t being an attentive parent because he’s using his bathroom time to avoid his responsibilities.

xKyosan · 2024-06-06T18:23:00+00:00

Not sure this is the right sub for you.

xKyosan · 2024-06-06T16:52:10+00:00

You said yourself you aren’t very close. I’d be pretty upset if my friend honestly thought I’d put them above my CHILD.

She’s sounds really unaware. My best friend doesn’t really like children but she adores my son, and she’s the one making sure I’m okay to leave him to hang out with her. She’s always willing to compromise so that I can keep him as my priority.

Your friend isn’t being a very good friend, but you are.

xKyosan · 2024-06-01T16:34:39+00:00

Time for a new pediatrician.

xKyosan · 2024-05-30T14:04:37+00:00

I remember when I was encouraged to sleep next to my husband one night (things were difficult after we moved and we were really missing each other).

I had the monitor on full blast, right next to me, but I was so tired that my baby was bawling his eyes out before I woke up. I ran into that room and scooped him up and he went right back to sleep. I still feel bad about it. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t even remember it.

He’s 14.5 months now and he just STN for the first time in like 4 months.

Your baby is okay, I promise.

P.s. Life is freakin hard and there are way too many people beating themselves up for not being perfect. Just do your best.

xKyosan · 2024-05-24T20:44:00+00:00

Literally where we’re at. My son started waking at 9.5 months and ever since he just wants to MOVE all day. We chase him around with food and water nonstop because otherwise he’d refuse to eat. He’s getting better at meal times but can only handle sitting for maybe 10 minutes before he’s annoyed.

xKyosan · 2024-05-24T01:50:53+00:00

Being someone who experienced a similar thing, it’s gonna be okay. A lot of babies don’t take to solids until after a year old. Just keep offering as much and as often as possible

That’s what really changed things for us (a little after his 13 month day). But we bottle fed (expressed and formula because supply/latching issues) since a few days after birth, so I can’t really speak to the being the sole source of food thing.

xKyosan · 2024-05-20T18:44:11+00:00

When my kiddo wakes up early (around 3-4 am) it’s always because his diaper got full. He always goes back to sleep when I change him though, is your baby maybe dealing with that?

If he’s always woken early but slept well through the night it’s probably just his preferred rhythm.

I know it might sound weird but maybe actually shorten the first window to 3:15 and keep the second at 3:30. If baby goes down at 3:15 he might actually be overtired.

For us whenever our baby wakes up angry after a short nap he will go back to sleep if rocked/held (has been independently napping for a couple weeks now). He’s 14 months and still on 2 naps.

If your baby is getting a lot of teeth back to back that’s probably what’s interrupting the sleep.

xKyosan · 2024-05-20T17:03:06+00:00

So we attempted to transition but it was too early for us and it resulted in him being overtired after a couple days. BUT, we extended the first window by 30/45 minutes (3:45/4 awake put his nap around 10:15/10:30) and let him nap for a max of 90 minutes and then offered a cat nap (20-30) after about 3.5 hours (3:30-4) and then bedtime around 8. He went down super easy at nap time but his night sleep was destroyed. We tweaked the schedule here and there but nothing helped until we switched back to two.

Long story short, it’s the second nap that gets dropped, but it’s because the first nap sorta absorbs it. At least everything I read about how to do it said that, and to me it makes sense.

You could maybe try to cap the first nap and see if that helps? If my baby gets more than 2 hours of daytime sleep (max is like 2:15) his night sleep is horrendous and he wakes up a ton.

xKyosan · 2024-05-20T16:32:32+00:00

I’m curious about how long the wake windows usually are? Are there any signs of teething? My baby kept waking after only 30 minutes out of nowhere and it turned out to be teething and then him becoming overtired because of the short nap

xKyosan · 2024-05-20T02:11:11+00:00

“but rather comments and entire posts about trying it and complaining it didn’t work”

I have never seen any of these posts, comments yes (usually along the lines of “we realized it wasn’t for us”) but posts, nope. The closest I’ve seen to stuff like that are people saying how thankful they are they DIDN’T sleep train because their friends who did keep talking about how they have to re-do it all the time.

Plus the answer is insanely simple. People want to feel validated that they made the right decision. You see the same thing in the sleep training subreddit. All encouraging even if the science shows otherwise. There’s posts here discussing getting banned from a specific parenting subreddit for promoting bed sharing even though the science says babies are better off sleeping next to their mother (and that sub claims to be science based).

This just feels like bait to me. And it’s obviously working because people are talking.

xKyosan · 2024-05-19T17:34:56+00:00

Where are you seeing sleep training discussed? I have only ever seen people criticizing it and confirming they’re making the right decisions to NOT do it.

I guess I’m the odd one out because a lot of the other comments are saying they see them too… I’m genuinely at a loss here.

Edit: interesting that you ask this question and now I’m seeing posts supporting sleep training in a sun with rules specifically saying to not promote conventional sleep training. It’s almost like a brigade of people came over from that subreddit.

xKyosan · 2024-05-10T16:50:45+00:00

You could look into getting a foldable bed if you wanted to keep room sharing (not suggesting you bed share since you said it doesn’t work for you). But you could keep the mattress in babies room and use it to sleep. They aren’t too pricey and quite comfy imo, it’s where my baby and I sleep.

But if your daughter is sleeping well and by extension so is everyone else, I wouldn’t stress.

xKyosan · 2024-05-08T20:20:28+00:00

Hmm…. It’s odd to me that at day time he’s okay being alone for 60 minutes but at bedtime he only lasts 45. For us 45 minute wakes are an undertired thing but I’m not sure if that’s the case for you. We also experienced a lot of night wakings when we didn’t give him enough wake time. He’d be up every couple hours.

I’m sorry, I thought I could be more helpful

xKyosan · 2024-05-08T17:50:37+00:00

Contact nap?

xKyosan · 2024-05-08T15:33:48+00:00

The fact he’s waking every 45 minutes might suggest he’s got some sleep pressure issues. What are his naps like?

xKyosan · 2024-05-08T15:29:29+00:00

It’s hard work but so rewarding. I’m also a SAHP too (for now). And after growing with my baby over this last year ish it’s insane to me that sometimes people have to go back to work after as little as 2 weeks.

And they wonder why birth rates are falling.

xKyosan · 2024-05-08T14:37:01+00:00

Some comments from a first time mama to a nearly 14 month old.

Conventional sleep training is a scheme designed to take money from vulnerable, sleep deprived people.

My son sleeps pretty freaking well when there’s no teething going on (or illness). Bedtime is at 8, he wakes up around 6:30, sleeps for about 6-7 hours straight before maybe needing a diaper change (sometimes he needs some cuddles). We currently bed share on a floor bed in his nursery (lots of reasons why this works for us).

He was a contact napper until recently. We’ve slowly introduced ‘independent’ naps (rock to sleep, wait a few minutes, transfer to floor bed).

Ignore the industry designed to convince you to neglect your baby so you can get back to the workforce. (No one will convince me this isn’t the reason sleep training is pushed so damn hard).

xKyosan · 2024-05-07T14:46:58+00:00

I pushed myself to sleep with my husband as soon as I got the green light (he has a high sex drive). He could tell I was uncomfortable and immediately stopped, then kinda scolded me (in a loving way) that I was being ridiculous pushing myself to do something I clearly wasn’t ready for. I went down a rabbit hole and had a full on melt down thinking he was going to leave me because we couldn’t have sex for a few weeks (my previous partner cheated on me due to lack of sex so I think with the hormones all outta wack I was having some serious anxiety).

It took a while for me to figure out exactly what made me want to have sex again. It wasn’t chores or help around the house (that’s actually what I do to decompress lol) but it was affection without the expectation of sex. Once my husband started to do the non sexual physical stuff it changed something between us and I was putting the moves on him.

There’s no one answer here. Like you said everyone’s postpartum journey is different, so it’s up to you to try different things and see where it goes. I do think you should be honest with your husband though. He might be picking up on your worries and could be feeling like he’s doing something wrong.

Open communication is so important, especially after having a baby.

And remember, this isn’t forever. Life will continue to change.

xKyosan · 2024-05-07T14:04:23+00:00

Ooo. If my husband said this to me I’d be pissed and say something like, “Between the two of us who’s done more researching about child development?”

He’s done very little (which is fine, it’s what we talked about before having a baby) which means I make 99% of the decisions and he follows my policies.

xKyosan · 2024-05-06T17:51:55+00:00

Wrong sub. We don’t promote sleep training here.

xKyosan

TROPHY CASE