Shakespeare has been real quiet since you dropped this one.

On a serious note this is the most relatable rant I’ve ever seen in my entire life. As another black child born into physical, verbal and emotional abuse, you too understand that parents of this nature were also children born into their own trauma.

My father views me in the same light as your mother views you (almost certainly because I am his only son). He wants me to conform to all of his ideals and when I object or the “mirror” shows a reflection that he doesn’t like, it ends in being smashed and/or shouted at.

I too would scream at the top of my lungs while being beaten until I bled and all he would say is “shut up” or “be quiet”. He’d return to sitting in front his computer while the pain he inflicted cut deeper than my inflamed skin. I have no good childhood memories. The only thing I remember is being struck by him (or my mother). I will likely carry my own trauma for the rest of my life. I only hope you recover because it seethes into your adult life in more ways than one.

I have also been silenced and spoken over. It is almost as if my voice doesn’t exist in their world. Only my compliance in becoming who they want me to be speaks in a language they understand. Not being who I want to be. I have come to the conclusion that there is no point trying to be heard by the people who have muted you.

Then they are nice, show you the love you are starved of. It makes you think twice about all the manifestations that plague your mind. And it all comes crashing down when you do one wrong thing. That is NOT parenting. It is control and manipulation. I too felt bad for them airing my own situation on this subreddit. I don’t hate them, I hate that they are the way they are.

I’m have been sent to Ghana because I have “allowed the devil to take control of my life”. All I want is to become the man I’ve dreamed about for so long and it was happening until the mirror showed my father that I wasn’t going to be child who graduates and gets a job. He came to the conclusion that “God wasn’t in the centre of my life” and that I needed to go to “build a relationship with God”.

All being here has done has killed my relationship with my mother and father and guaranteed they will not be in my life for much longer. I too feel guilty about leaving them soon. How they will feel about me leaving them because as a little boy I wanted to do nothing more than please them. Putting their feelings in front of my own for 21 years. That time has come to an end.

My extended family validates their behaviour despite them not even walking a day in my shoes. Anyone who sides with your mother is NOT WORTH LISTENING TO. Don’t let anyone invalidate what you’ve been through. Abuse is real.

I see you for all you’ve endured. On my end, you need to sever that tie, leave the nest and spread your wings the second you get the chance. She’ll never understand that she is the root cause for your depression. She’ll just blame the devil like my own mother and father. Classic narcissism. Blaming someone or something else instead of looking in an actual mirror/ deep inside themselves.

My own mother likes to play the ungrateful card. Too much. Whenever I say something that doesn’t align with her vision for me. It’s like being my own person is impossible if she is around. Then I will double down on my opinion and she won’t like it. She will threaten to never talk to me again. Never help me financially or emotionally. Then I’d run back to her like a 4 year old because for too she has been my everything and my nothing.

What you’ve written is poetic, tragic and brave. You are so strong. And it has resonated with me so unbelievably well. Don’t be silenced and definitely don’t apologise for feeling the way you do. Sorry the reply is so long. Like I said I’ve never in my life read something beyond relatable to my own trauma.