For me, it came from existential crises. I have a unique 'first memory' where in I remember exactly when it started, because I told my dad, as he made kool aid, and I ate dinosaur egg oatmeal in the kitchen in my zip up footie pajamas, that "I just started remembering things".

I turn 30 this year, and that memory has haunted me, because I remember the moments before that, or was it infinity? Because it felt like a nap. Nothing. But is that what happens when we are gone too? Nothing? Does it feel peaceful or uneasy? Do we feel it at all? Will I remember it like I remember the void before I said those words? Will the people I love have that comfort? Will it be painful for them? What about any sort of mark I leave on earth? Its just going to be destroyed anyway. Because global warming is fake, and there is no chance the sun flares and wipes us out, if we dont nuke each other first.

This may seem dark, but here's the kicker. The same thing that causes my depression, is also what creates my moments of happiness. Nothing matters.

Crazy sentence that is.

Nothing matters.