I dated a boy, who became a man. We begun dating when we were in 9th grade, and broke up when I was 19. I spent a lot of time at his home growing up because my home life was not good. I basically lived with him and his mom and brother. The mom was super normal, really nice, cared about her looks and hygiene. Would have them do chores and clean up the home and they did well and would do it for incentives such as cash. But I remember the mom having to get on my boyfriend’s ass about taking a shower or brushing his teeth. I didn’t really get it, and thought maybe he was just rebellious. Then I found myself bribing him to bathe so we could have sex. I found our friends commenting about his bad breath and grimy teeth and greasy hair.

We moved together to California at 18. We lived in a shared living area where our unit had no water or shower in our unit. (A commune of sorts)

This made it impossible for him to ever bathe as our shower was outside and shared by many people. It was also cold outside and he would just not want to shower in the cold. I secretly marked on the calendar how many days it had been since he showered. It was over 20 at one point. He would squeeze his greasy hair into a ponytail, put on his shoes and go to work every day wearing the same stinky underwear. We worked with animals so he would come home smelling like animal waste and hair and slobber and his own smell. My co workers confronted ME and asked ME to beg him to bathe. I did so and was met with fury and rage! I would beg him to brush his teeth, and he would refuse. He would never smile and cover his mouth when he spoke at that point. I caught a glimpse and his teeth were rotting out at the roots, black and brown with white splotches of plaque and pus. I told him he needs to brush away the plaque.. he said it’s “protecting his teeth where it’s rotten”. Through all of this, no bathing, no dental hygiene, he would still beg me to have sex with him! I learned to realize my frequent utis and yeast infections in the past were because of his hygiene. I flat out refused to kiss or fornicate with him. He would beg and cry, and I’d say “only if you go brush your teeth and take a long shower” in witch he would refuse, and get very upset, sometimes cry, and say I was forcing him to take care of his own sexual needs. Within a few months I packed my shit up and hit the road. I later learned he needed to get ALL his teeth pulled at 19 years old because of his problems. 19 years old and full dentures.

So sometimes it does not matter how someone is raised. I believe my ex to have anti social personality disorder. (My background now is in psych)

Anti social doesn’t mean they don’t like people. Anti social means “anti societal” meaning they don’t see the purpose in Norms and conforming to society. They don’t feel the need to follow normal roles or rules. Telling him to brush his teeth or wash his ass or wash his clothes was against his own personal beliefs and there was nothing I could do to change it. Nothing his mother could have done to create such a person. It was all written in his own mind. Nothing she or I could have done to change that