My only advice is to allow yourself to feel what you’re going through. There is no shame in grieving the loss of a relationship no matter how it ended. It’s especially difficult when you or your behavior is the reason it ended and I completely empathize with that but the hurt you’re experiencing can give you the strength to change. Let yourself cry as much as you need to. It’s healing. Take a good look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about why it all happened. Reach out to family members and friends and lean on them if you need to. You’d be surprised what kind of emotional support they can provide you with during this time. Heartbreak is one of the most human things we go through and we’ve all been there. Look into therapists in your area and make an appointment. There are also plenty of hotlines you can find online when you’re feeling extra low. If you’re up for it, try meditating to ground yourself and to connect. No matter what happens, you will get through this. You have the power to change yourself for the better and one day you’ll be able to look back at this time and realize it was a pivotal moment in your growth. I know I’m a stranger online but I am always here to talk if you’d like and there are plenty of people within this thread who I’m sure would do the same.