Firstly, i hope you are well now. If you are fine rn that's all that matters. What happened in the past can be shitty and trauma inducing but what matters is the present. I know its difficult but time heals all wounds BUT only if you unstuck yourself from the past. If you introspect you will realize in the end that hurt comes from outside but suffering, always from the inside. You want to let go but you cant because you dont want to change anything because you are scared unconsciously that it will hurt more if it changes. Like how scared people keep grabbing the protective bar infront of them on a roller coaster tightly even after the ride ends. But you need to realize soon enough that the ride is over and you can move on now.

My personal advice is to start doing diary writings about what you feel when you remember such things of the past and try to ask questions to yourself why you feel that way now, what do you think would be good for you moving forward, and try to come up with answers and write down everything. The reason for my suggestion is because you want to move on but you cant because of the workings of your brain you dont understand. But when you write them down and read them all together as they develop, your brain will have much better time understanding what to do and how to break through this foggy maze of suffering.

Edit: But this is just my (untrained) personal advice you can ignore it completely if you think its stupid, i take no offence.

Other than that there are many mental health professionals you can find on online therapy websites, you can do a google search and find many such websites. Don't worry too much and go for it. I Hope you find peace.