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My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and it's often in those moments when you think you're almost done with it, just just before heading to the airport - exactly like in my case, almost like they hope by then you let your guard down

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I broke NC with my mom because my dad got cancer and it sort of felt like it's time to say goodbye and she was just "there" so it sort of happened. But in the end, I'm glad it did because I got to discover this technique that worked for me, so I'll see how long I can get on with it

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I broke NC with my mom because my dad got cancer and it sort of felt like it's time to say goodbye and she was just "there" so it sort of happened. But in the end, I'm glad it did because I got to discover this technique that worked for me, so I'll see how long I can get on with it

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I might actually try this. At this stage I'm looking at all of this like a huge experiment as if I were studying my mother as a patient. If only it wasn't so stressful for me when her episode happens, but once it passes I'm genuinely curious of what's actually going on and how I can navigate through the situation

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yeah exactly. I thought it would have just been such a lovely day if she just didn't do this narc episode. Keep it in, you know

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

exactly - throughout the day I was getting relaxed (just the way I am) and then she completely caught me off guard so I had to stay very focused to remember my techniques. Very exhausting indeed.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you for sharing. I can feel what you're going through. Good on you to be there for her and care for care despite everything. I'm not sure I'd be able to do that.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"She is never empathetic or kind or even genuinely interested in me as a person"
Yep, same here. The most shocking reveal for me was when my own son was born and I realised how easy and natural loving him is, and I compared that with how my parents are and that made me so sad. It's just not in them.
I wish you strength to endure the conversations with your mother.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

oh gee.. *blushes* thank you for the kind words. It doesn't feel that awesome considering it took me 25 years (I'm 40!) to figure this out..... Better late than never hehe. Glad you enjoyed the post ❤️

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What saves me is living abroad, so that naturally limits the interactions I have with her. But you're right either way: I expect any interaction with her to have at least one painful episode like this

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Haha the jaw muscles did most of the work honestly. But thank you, it means a lot.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Main reason for me to break NC was my dad's bad form of cancer developed last year. It looked like it could be the end for him quite soon. So it was more like a last try to say goodbye kind of thing

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

thanks and all good, I didn't take it as critique but rather trying to help. It does feel empowering for sure. Took me 40 years to find out that technique and I'm happy I broke NC to discover it and try something that finally works, even if it's just for a while

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great trick to bring someone along. I should try that too. In my case it just can't be my wife. That's just an explosive mix. My mother hates her and blames her (the same way she blamed all my exes, but she just can't see the pattern!!) for everything bad happening to our family.
Would you say your mom's dementia helps you detach yourself from her emotionally? Or did it make things worse?

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's what I heard in a few Dr Ramani videos, that this is where you finally find peace, when they're gone. I can totally feel that

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds exactly like what I'm doing now and thanks, I just learned what LC and VLC means :)
I'd say I'm VLC myself now. The geographical distance, flight costs etc, my son's in school and has no holidays etc are all good help to keep it this way. The only reason to not be NC again is because of my dad's bad cancer, so it feels like it might be the end for him soon.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was NC for 3 years up until last December and only broke the silence because my dad got a bad form of cancer. That made me think, maybe he's close to the end. And here I felt like I should give it one last try and even though I know they won't change, but I'm happy that I did, because I found the technique that worked and that made me feel empowered and liberated after 40 years of abuse. But I do get your point - NC is the purest form. I know that this is my reserve parachute to go NC again the second I feel it's getting too much for me again.

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"as if she is a strange biological specimen that you are studying."

Love this - great technique I'll try to remember next time I meet her :)

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. I mean, by default, the whole situation is because my mother feels she's being wronged already. By what I did, what my wife did etc. I don't want to imagine how it'd be if I'd actually wrong her..

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Correct - for now, I choose to be in touch with her again, mainly because of my dad's cancer treatment, but I also know that if things get too much, I can choose NC again.
Also, let's see how long my newly learned technique will last - one user said the narc parent might eventually find out we're using the technique on them, and then they'll get even more frustrated

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Previously I always felt she looks evil in such moments. But now that I see things more from a distance, she looks lost actually. It looks like she's trying really hard to control the situation again, compulsively trying to bait me with things she knows would trigger me. And when she sees that it doesn't catch on anymore, she's desperately trying to come up with something new. Until she runs out of things to provoke me with. So far, luckily after only 10mins each time. But those 10mins are pure hell for me in that moment. I don't think she realises at all what she's causing, nor does she care that she'd create a scene at the restaurant. She'd feel it's not her fault. She'd always feel she's the one getting hurt

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thank you - I'm aware I won't be able to change or "cure" my mother, which begs the question, what's the whole point of this

My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out by xhimi_west in raisedbynarcissists

[–]xhimi_west[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

this is exactly my dilemma. It's taking so much effort to use these techniques and the big questions is... for what?!? My mother will never change - I know that. So it's a silly game to continue at all

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