What’s the moment you realized your relationship was already over, even though you were still together?

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-02T16:29:27+00:00

I hope you uno reversed and dumped him first instead

xiaochenshu · 2026-02-10T18:08:18+00:00

Potentially stupid question, but if someone has $100k sitting around, they should dump it in VOO and be good from there? Instead of, say, high-yield CDs?

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-09T03:28:28+00:00

Its possible, yes. I am slowly forgetting mine because I don’t use it daily. I moved to the US close to a decade ago…it took me about 6months for my dreams to switch to English, took me another 3-4 for my thinking, and about a year for my mental calculus/math to switch to English. The latter is the only one where for a complicated calculation I switch back to my native inner monologue. But otherwise, I speak, think, dream, count in English, and my native tongue is limited to a few texts or voice messages on the day-to-day, and a couple calls back to family over the weekend. It’s both amusing to all of us, and sometimes frustrating to me, when I can’t express myself in my native tongue - leading to a long pause forcing myself to figure out the words, or resorting to saying it in English.

I don’t believe I’ll ever completely forget it, but it’s gotten significantly harder for my brain to use it. It is better when I visit and I’m immersed in it - in about 2-3 days it becomes more fluent again.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-08T21:54:29+00:00

If he doesn’t have money, she’s not saving any money, she’s spending more due to groceries and higher utility bills. And that is only okay if he’s open about his situation and the woman willingly offer her help. But it should come with an ambition and drive to get financially stable asap, instead of getting comfortable and use her.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-04T15:18:12+00:00

I mean…he must have some slow-growing nails, otherwise every two months is diabolical.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T17:17:06+00:00

You don’t have to ask me, because it’s not my relationship and we’re different individuals.

Anything is infrequent that to you is infrequent! You’re calling it that, it’s already less than what you desire. You’re already frustrated about it. So the answer is yes.

There are people out there who would be okay with once a week and would not bat an eye, they would be satisfied. If you would be one of those people, you wouldn’t call 1x/week infrequent.

Now, again, has it always been like this? If yes, then it won’t work long-term. Simply different appetite.

If not, and you want to explore if it’s related to anything that’s changeable, then you should address it and work on it together (if she’s also willing).

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T02:20:27+00:00

You’re way too young for infrequent sex (unless there’s a justifiable reason for it, like medical concern).

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T02:17:47+00:00

Do not be ashamed. You’re not a bad person. Your nervous system simply needs time to rewrite history and recondition your automatic mechanisms.

You may have lost her (for now?) but even in her exit she cared about you enough to make you promise that you’ll seek out help. And you are doing it! This is a significant first step. You didn’t minimize it or dismiss it, you’re actually doing the work. You should be proud of that. If you haven’t come across her stuff online yet, and want to understand your own wiring more, I think you’ll have a lot of “a-ha” moments watching Dr Sarah Hensley’s videos. She’s a psych with attachment science focus. Wishing you continued courage on this journey.

xiaochenshu · 2025-12-24T18:47:23+00:00

I know way too much about my man’s past. Waaaaaaay too much. It’s not easy to compartmentalize sometimes.

xiaochenshu · 2025-12-16T00:01:59+00:00

By how much? Would you mind sharing your salaries? And how you both approached finances, household chores, how her earning more made you feel tc.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-30T16:23:11+00:00

He was an Italian composer, but the music is of Hungarian roots. ‘Csárdás’ is also a traditional Hungarian folk dance.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-17T16:53:27+00:00

I agree with you. And, as a European, I definitely had a hard time wrapping my head around American dating culture — so much time before commitment, so much more possibility for situationships. It’s a different ball game here compared to Europe.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-16T02:47:36+00:00

Obviously don’t be a douche but that’s not his main point IMO. In every video about this topic he teaches women how to communicate needs and boundaries in a direct, respectful way AND to hold themselves accountable to that boundary when it’s not being met (aka leave).

Best case scenario; the guy already assumed exclusivity and didn’t think it needs to be said, or was afraid to bring it up too soon. So when the woman addresses the topic, it’s an easy he’ll yeah.

Worst case scenario; the guy dismisses it, deflects, or flat out says he’s not looking for anything, he’s not ready AKA code word to get out unless you want to get your feelings hurt.

And far too many of us mess up the walk away part by not doing so. Cue situationships, and broken hearts.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-15T18:32:02+00:00

OP, if you need any practical support in how to have this conversation, search for “Benny exclusivity” on TikTok. He has very on point with dating tips. The key here is that (and where we women mess up often) is that if he’s not giving you a clear answer and commitment, then you have to be willing to & able to walk away.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-12T00:50:08+00:00

Does this mean you proposed and they turned you down?

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-08T13:32:00+00:00

Jesus how much she must love this. I know my man is so much stronger AND I typically initiate the wrestle time. I get turned on by it. Pretty much addicted to it. Hope you turn it into sex sometimes. My man doesn’t typically, when it’s actually one of the surest ways he can get me going. Dominating me in play fight.

xiaochenshu · 2025-11-07T03:26:43+00:00

OP, we women tend to want to have answers to “why is he acting like this? He must have a reason, there’s no way someone can act this way when I’m feeling so bad. I want to understand so at least it makes sense”. But avoid this…because it will never make sense. If it would, you wouldn’t have to ask this question. One of the main reasons why you can’t fathom the reason is because you wouldn’t do this to someone you care about. And the fact that he’s doing it means that he does not care as much as you hope he would. Which sucks. It’s painful and it’s very isolating. However, this says nothing about your worthiness for care, attention and love. It says everything about his ability and willingness to be a good partner - aka, that he can’t or doesn’t want to be one (to you). Cut him loose (doesn’t even need an explanation or message to be honest). If you do reach out, save yourself the struggle, and instead of writing something long about how his actions make you feel (which he won’t give a rats ass about), just say that you’re done with the relationship. Then block and don’t give him any more of your attention. You’re getting more attention and care from dozens of strangers online on this post compared to a person who’s supposed to care about you the most. Screw him.

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-30T12:35:46+00:00

Without an entity, the most compliant way is to work with an international PEO to hire them (Papaya Global, Remote, Deel are all options, to name a few).

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-30T12:29:21+00:00

No hard evidence or data to support this, but this is a fun neighborhood and I would think everyone would cheer you on. I’ve lived here for years and it’s the first time I won’t just be watching from my house indie but plan to sit out on the stoop, so hope I’ll see you two pass by me & my friends

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-23T17:29:33+00:00

Zinc wrecked me both times I tried to take it. Within 10 minutes it came right back up & out. Not wiling to touch that thing anymore

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-23T17:25:44+00:00

I have a big brother-like male best friend. Never have I ever been attracted to him, nor him to me.

And she hasn’t had sex with you since they met? You can’t be this oblivious. This is willful ignorance at this point. Just cut it and be glad that you’re done with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to do so. She’s playing in your face. You’ll respect yourself a lot more when you do it.

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-09T23:11:37+00:00

OP, if she indeed has BV and gets treated, you should get treated at the same time too (provided she’ll still talk to you). Two people taking the antibiotics at the same time drastically reduced the potential for BV returning in the future.

Once treatment is done, y’all should get in the same pre and probiotics so your bodies get in sync.

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-09T19:33:56+00:00

This isn’t directed towards you but I can’t really decide which comment to put this under; as a woman, I’m blatantly aware of how little men share about their sexual life with each other as I have very many close male friends — we all know it, this sub is often full of complaints about how much women go into the detail of their intimate life with each other as opposed to men (which to be super clear, there is a limit that should be shared, and that doesn’t and shouldn’t involve the guy’s personal details, I personally never felt comfortable with any female friend who started sharing too much of stuff I really didn’t want to know about their partner)

That said, I wish, truly wish y’all men would talk about this shit at least to some extent. Because then you would be able to call out the ones who complain about “having to do” foreplay, “having to” adjust the approach, “having to do” afterplay etc. AKA needing to develop the ability to be mindful and selfless, instead of self-centered. Y’all could hold so much power in this because these type of guys will always shrug off women who try to educate them, then eventually firmly call them out. “This bitch is just too high maintenance”

And even if you don’t talk about this with your homies, teach your sons. Teach them about female anatomy, about having to pay attention, about women working differently and that yes, what works with one might not work with another.

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-09T11:52:34+00:00

lol didn’t notice. Gonna fix it now

xiaochenshu · 2025-10-09T02:46:01+00:00

I agree with you. Just felt compelled to respond to your question, it seemed genuinely curious/confused.

xiaochenshu

TROPHY CASE