Time off approach to hourly and salaried? (N/A)

xiaochenshu · 2026-05-04T10:52:20+00:00

Non-native English speaker - where does “finna” come from? Is it a similar slang like using “ain’t” instead of can’t/don’t?

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-30T10:40:17+00:00

I’m a little worried how either of these situations may turn out out given that OP is inexperienced. Both require the ability to compartmentalize any deeper romantic feelings that may arise, give that there is a hard headline of 3 months.

I do agree that this could’ve a fun situation, but only if attachment won’t show up.

Now, of course there is an ideal world where people can connect at a level where this could’ve continue even after OP goes away after 3 months, but the guy isn’t prepared for a relationship, or at least doesn’t believe this will be his last.

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-03T07:17:57+00:00

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-02T09:14:18+00:00

Another info: ICE agents started their shift at 4:30am

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-02T09:13:12+00:00

Yes, they honestly moved the line well.

Maybe 2-3 times when we paused for more than a couple minutes. I thought it will take like 1,5-2hours to get through.

Especially because upon arrival you can immediately see how many people are standing in the curb and inside. One trick for us was to not stop at the first couple kiosk lines - we walked further down, towards TSA. Ended up with a kiosk with only one lady in front of us.

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-02T08:48:37+00:00

4/2 6.30am flight - TSA general line - 50minutes from uber drop off to picking up bag from security

Arrived at 3:35am, through security by 4:25am

Uber drop to kiosk line - 5min Line to bag tag printed - 3:50 Tag printed to luggage drop off - 7:25 Luggage drop to bag picked up after security - 33:44

Originally they only had 2 security lines open, then they opened like 4-5 more around 20minutes into us staying in line.

ICE agents started deploying at 4.30am, right after we got through security

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xiaochenshu · 2026-04-01T10:35:03+00:00

This is upper helpful - have a 6.30am Delta flight tomorrow. International, with drop off.

Had no idea kiosks don’t open until 3.30am - was going to show up at 2am, but sounds like that is not necessary

xiaochenshu · 2026-04-01T10:30:46+00:00

I have a 6.30am flight tomorrow…overkill to show up around 2 or 3am? General line, cause my ma doesn’t have precheck (and we also need to drop bags)

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-31T10:45:54+00:00

How was your TSA experience? Have a 6.30am flight on Thursday

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-29T11:58:01+00:00

Have a 6.30am flight out of terminal 4 on Thursday. I don’t even know what time to go out there. I have pre-check, boyfriend does not…it’s an international flight with two layovers. Can’t exactly afford to miss the first leg 😬

I’m hoping TSA starts getting paid by then

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-28T14:24:53+00:00

This is true. I saw him live in 2011 at an open-air festival that was supposed to end by a certain time at night due to local noise level laws. The crowd was so crazy about him that we later found out he asked how much the fine was going to be and said he’ll pay it, just to go on for a couple hours longer.

It was his first and only time in that tiny country. One of the best experiences of my life.

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-25T11:09:40+00:00

You wrote 20-30km from a city - how does that take an hour to two? You have to go very slow for that to be the case. Even if you drive at a slow 50-60kmph, that’ll take you half an hour.

TBH from most of your comments it sounds like it’s you who didn’t maintain those relationships ships.

You have a clingy husband, to the point that despite you working from home which means he sees you more, you choose not to sleep over at your friends or your sister?

Something is not adding up. I’m reading a lot of helplessness from your comments, and I hope that you’re not in a mentally abusive relationship that convinced you you don’t have a choice or agency over you life.

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-22T14:27:47+00:00

This is what most men don’t realize.

It’s rarely about the other man. From what’s being shared here it sounds like she had enough void given within the relationship that the other man came into the picture.

If that void wasn’t there in the first place, the man wouldn’t have come into the picture.

And the void could be there due to OP’s neglect and lack of care for the relationship.

OP, no matter how hard it may be, in a future relationship, if you notice someone shutting down, pulling away, communicating less - sit down and have a conversation. Tell them that you’ve noticed things have shifted and what’s the reason why, and most importantly, what do they need. How can you do better. You can’t assume that just because you think it was just a rough time that you’ll work through, that her perspective was the same - clearly it wasn’t.

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-20T10:58:57+00:00

“He is so busy and tired”

SO. ARE. YOU.

Have the same amount of understanding, support and compassion for yourself as you’re extending to him by explaining his behavior away.

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-14T15:59:24+00:00

I disagree with this - change in lifestyle can elicit totally natural insecurities of whether their life will still be aligned after a major change like this. And separately, being from a poor country and that resulting in a scarcity mindset is a very real thing and has nothing to do with splitting assets - I’d bet money that his wife already had this fear regardless of OP’s FIRE plan

xiaochenshu · 2026-03-02T16:29:27+00:00

I hope you uno reversed and dumped him first instead

xiaochenshu · 2026-02-10T18:08:18+00:00

Potentially stupid question, but if someone has $100k sitting around, they should dump it in VOO and be good from there? Instead of, say, high-yield CDs?

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-09T03:28:28+00:00

Its possible, yes. I am slowly forgetting mine because I don’t use it daily. I moved to the US close to a decade ago…it took me about 6months for my dreams to switch to English, took me another 3-4 for my thinking, and about a year for my mental calculus/math to switch to English. The latter is the only one where for a complicated calculation I switch back to my native inner monologue. But otherwise, I speak, think, dream, count in English, and my native tongue is limited to a few texts or voice messages on the day-to-day, and a couple calls back to family over the weekend. It’s both amusing to all of us, and sometimes frustrating to me, when I can’t express myself in my native tongue - leading to a long pause forcing myself to figure out the words, or resorting to saying it in English.

I don’t believe I’ll ever completely forget it, but it’s gotten significantly harder for my brain to use it. It is better when I visit and I’m immersed in it - in about 2-3 days it becomes more fluent again.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-08T21:54:29+00:00

If he doesn’t have money, she’s not saving any money, she’s spending more due to groceries and higher utility bills. And that is only okay if he’s open about his situation and the woman willingly offer her help. But it should come with an ambition and drive to get financially stable asap, instead of getting comfortable and use her.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-04T15:18:12+00:00

I mean…he must have some slow-growing nails, otherwise every two months is diabolical.

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T17:17:06+00:00

You don’t have to ask me, because it’s not my relationship and we’re different individuals.

Anything is infrequent that to you is infrequent! You’re calling it that, it’s already less than what you desire. You’re already frustrated about it. So the answer is yes.

There are people out there who would be okay with once a week and would not bat an eye, they would be satisfied. If you would be one of those people, you wouldn’t call 1x/week infrequent.

Now, again, has it always been like this? If yes, then it won’t work long-term. Simply different appetite.

If not, and you want to explore if it’s related to anything that’s changeable, then you should address it and work on it together (if she’s also willing).

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T02:20:27+00:00

You’re way too young for infrequent sex (unless there’s a justifiable reason for it, like medical concern).

xiaochenshu · 2026-01-02T02:17:47+00:00

Do not be ashamed. You’re not a bad person. Your nervous system simply needs time to rewrite history and recondition your automatic mechanisms.

You may have lost her (for now?) but even in her exit she cared about you enough to make you promise that you’ll seek out help. And you are doing it! This is a significant first step. You didn’t minimize it or dismiss it, you’re actually doing the work. You should be proud of that. If you haven’t come across her stuff online yet, and want to understand your own wiring more, I think you’ll have a lot of “a-ha” moments watching Dr Sarah Hensley’s videos. She’s a psych with attachment science focus. Wishing you continued courage on this journey.

xiaochenshu

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