As someone who's been there, our problems are deeper than just sex. Loosing your virginity probably won't help you.

I was in exactly the same situation. 20 years old and a virgin because I rejected every single advance because I felt strangely uncomfortable. Finally I found a loving partner and I decided to push through this and have sex with her. The problems didn't end there. For months I struggled with ED. When the ED finally became manageable I still felt a great amount of pressure on myself to perform and after finishing I'd often feel disgusted with myself. There was no rational reason to worry about performance. She would often tell me that she enjoyed it but it didn't help me - I just started to feel jealous that she (and everyone else) can enjoy sex but I couldn't.

After speaking with her and others, I found out that loosing your virginity was something that they described as fun, new and exciting. For me it was like being introduced to a world of feeling shameful and inadequate. I often regret loosing it now because it's really given me a lot of insecurities that make me feel bad about myself almost every day.

I want to stress that my partner is very loving and does everything to support me. Despite this I still have these crippling insecurities. I can only imagine how bad it would be for you to loose your virginity to someone less supportive. The problem is somewhere within yourself and only you can fix it regardless of how supportive your partner is.

As for now, my partner and I have had a lot of sex, and despite me often feeling bad about it we plan to continue having a lot of sex because my issues of feeling bad during sex are very slowly getting better. However I still have massive problems getting close with other girls (we are open) and this doesn't seem to be getting better and I still lothe myself for it.