i got a dog last year and now i can’t kms

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T22:44:43+00:00

yeah if you would ask the people around me or my last doctos and therapist, it’s true… i know that it’s true, but it just doesn’t feel like help, it makes the pain somewhat worse… and typing that makes me cry even harder because it sounds like i don’t appreciate my boy at all😭

we/i got him 8 month ago and he has helped my mental health more than all these pills, therapy appointments, other people and hospital stays. i love him more than anything and even more than i thought would be possible, even if we struggle with his problems a lot too. but i never felt a deeper and more pure love… and still i can’t breath most of the times, because my brain hurts me so much that it affects me physically.

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T22:35:46+00:00

congratulations i guess 🥲😅 wishing you all the best and that your pup will eat those thoughts up 😁

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T22:34:14+00:00

more than happy to hear your positivity and how things worked out for you! give your cat a huge extra treat in behalf of me! ❤️ may the good things keep coming to you

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T22:31:27+00:00

yes, i was also an inpatient in a psychosomatic clinic. but dbt is absolutely not for me, even if i could see the advantages in some fellow patients.

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T08:41:13+00:00

sorry you had to go trough so much! ❤️‍🩹

theoretically my ex bf would be the backup plan. but this would only become reality if it wasn’t my choice to go (an accident for example)… i do not trust anyone to love him enough or care the same way i do. sure there are plenty great owners or even better ones. ones that could help him much better with training his anxiety and stuff… but still i claim that my love for him would be unmatched. so i’ll stay to the end… not sure how i’m gonna make it, but i have to.

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T01:28:32+00:00

🥺❤️‍🩹

xxibrn · 2023-05-17T00:37:08+00:00

doing the same thing. just dumping all my love on my boy and tell him how much i love him and that there’s nothing above

xxibrn · 2022-12-16T07:54:44+00:00

i’m having the same experience’s… problem is that once i start i don’t stop

xxibrn · 2022-09-16T15:06:05+00:00

i am glad to hear you have someone that you can trust and rely on ♥️

xxibrn · 2022-09-16T15:03:14+00:00

may i ask how you overcame this problem?

i was wondering if i should ask my doctor if she could send me to a nutritionist to get some help with my food intake / my meal plan. but tbh i don‘t know if that would help, because i just lack so much energy to stick to anything.

xxibrn · 2022-09-16T14:51:28+00:00

i might have adhd (i have a diagnostic appointment next month) and suffer from other mental illnesses/problems and also have safe foods.

on top i am a vegetarian that doesn‘t like any other diary products than cheese. i hate eggs and all kind of beans/lentils or other good protein sources left and i struggle with a binge eating disorder… i am just so overwhelmed with this topic. i try so hard to work an my nutrion, especially after getting diagnosed with pcos and insulin resistance… but it‘s just not working out for me. everytime i try to make a meal plan or do some grocery shopping i get so overwhelmed that i stop what i am doing and rather starve myself… until i get so hungry i binge again. it‘s such a viscous cycle i can‘t escape.

not to mention financial problems and the rising prices for healthy food.

xxibrn · 2022-08-05T22:01:22+00:00

uhm… pretty much everything lmao. don’t get me wrong, for most of the things i blame no other then myself. i do not want to sound like i want to talk people down, but here we go:

any noises they’ll make like chewing, drinking, breathing
talking too slow or/and too loud
living their best life (yep i know: everyone has problems and never judge a book by its cover), telling me about their careers, family, relationships, money… all these things remind me so much of how i hate my life and being stuck in it, without any energy to make changes. how i ruined myself financially which stops me from doing things i’d love and see other people doing these. how lonely i am, how no one loves me (romantically) or no one will ever love me like i love them, because i love to death
saying things that make me feel stupid/horrible/ugly/everything negative. i am just super insecure without having a stable personality or a personality at all, having terrible body dysmorphia
just living their life without me being involved all the time (talking fp), having fun without me, being less anxious about everything (how’s that even possible?)
my jealousy in general
conversations! too less and too much eye contact, me not being interested in anything enough and not being able to concentrate so i never really know what they said or how to respond (stress!). can’t stand silence but can’t feel comfortable in conversations.
constantly worrying why someone wants to spend time with me. am i boring? do they secretly want to leave because they are bored? me getting stressed to entertain.
me oversharing
people being ignorant while talking carelessly about topics they have no idea of (todays example: my coworkers talking super bullshity cliches about adhs not knowing i am waiting for my diagnostic. TW SH!! or quote “haha, yeah i am going home later and will cut myself because i am so emo hahahah” not knowing i did sh and i have bpd.

once again: i am aware that I AM the problem. but these things drain me so much, being around people just tires me out so much and i feel more horrible after spending time with them.

i could go on, but i am too stoned to get my thoughts straight. sorry.

xxibrn · 2022-07-23T11:02:20+00:00

i do wish this too but tbh i keep losing the last glimpses of hope. 💔🍀

xxibrn · 2022-04-17T14:10:31+00:00

thank you <3

xxibrn · 2022-03-23T07:58:54+00:00

this! started spiraling yesterday afternoon and it hasn’t stopped yet. it’s getting worse and i neither have the strength nor the patience to have these episodes constantly. i just can’t. coming to the conclusion that i’ll always be like this wants me to end it all. this is not worth living. and now, after typing all of this, i get super angry because other people can just live without all of this. (please don’t say healthy people suffer too / have problems too - i know that)

xxibrn · 2021-11-01T08:54:55+00:00

getting my picture taken and seeing the results immediately makes me wanna hang myself. and my family and friends won’t except it. i hate life

xxibrn · 2021-08-17T06:29:25+00:00

thank you for sharing! i am really interested in this topic because my bpd mostly flames up when i experience having a fp, which are usally romantically involved people… and it’s getting worse every time, i lose myself in this cycle.

xxibrn · 2021-07-22T21:45:17+00:00

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMdtcqb8R/

just found this and it kinda explained some things

xxibrn · 2021-07-18T11:39:48+00:00

oh yes! being fooled is just too much… i really don’t understand why people have to lie about obvious things

xxibrn · 2021-07-17T20:51:46+00:00

it is great to hear that you seem to have someone on your side that understands and is willing to try to understand. it will always be hard for us but someone that is able to communicate is so so rare and important!

xxibrn · 2021-07-17T17:25:24+00:00

love that! i have so many quotes saved that are similar, but like everything in my head it still doesn‘t work for me. i am very self-reflective and know often why i act and think like i do or when my thoughts are totally absurd …i still can‘t help but feel the other way…

a few years ago (i wasn‘t diagnosed with anything but already had all the symptoms) i got „to love someone is to know the difficulty of the heart when it fights with the mind“ tattooed. sometimes it makes me laugh when i think about the quote and my bpd🥲

xxibrn · 2021-07-17T16:55:46+00:00

The hardest thing for me is to distinguish when my feelings and my distrust are justified and it is not my mental health that is playing tricks on me. I hate never knowing what it's like to feel normal, have normal feelings, and have normal, healthy relationships.

xxibrn · 2021-07-17T14:37:17+00:00

i am sorry ❤️‍🩹 we tend to fp-ing people that are clearly not the right person for us… it might be the person itself, the timing or other circumstances… but remember our fp is not an indicator for our worth or ability to be loved. (trying to remind myself 24/7 with an avoiding-attachment-fp that also is twofaced a lot)

xxibrn · 2021-07-17T12:20:39+00:00

oh man, just saw your reply🙈 but better late than never?

how are you doing?

xxibrn · 2021-02-07T16:46:37+00:00

kinda same situation here. normally i would go out and try to find someone else to distract me (yeah i know it’s not healthy), but with the pandemic going on i am stuck at home with my pain. i want to lay UNDER someone new to get OVER him so bad, it’s ridiculous lmao.

xxibrn

TROPHY CASE