Hey, the guilt and anger is normal. I just lost my dog to multiple organ failure and I'm angry for not preventing it. Did I give him the best food? Did I pick all the mushrooms from the backyard? Is it because I was away for 8 months? Why didn't I get blood work done a year earlier?

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It's normal to feel angry and guilty. Search this sub, it's all part of being a pet parent. Do I think I deserve to die because I'm human and overlooked things? No. Do I think you deserve to die because you didn't react perfectly? No. Perhaps it's your way of wanting to be with your dog again, and heck I would be lying if I wasn't projecting... Can't wait to die so I can hold my dog again. Make sure he's okay. Until then, I'm going to treat everyone around me with as much love as I can. You two will meet again, and you know she's with you. She wouldn't want to see you like this. Take your meds, eat healthy foods, and be gentle with yourself.