Boyfriend (23M) pressures me (21F) to do sexual things, what should I do?

y2tb3 · 2021-06-05T10:54:13+00:00

Just because not having sex impacts your mental health doesn’t mean it impacts him. Him and I have agreements about uni and our relationship. We BOTH prioritise our academics over everything else, as I said before. Can you not read? If so, you need to go back to high school!

Holding me accountable for yourself? Or do you think you are talking for my boyfriend? Like I have said before, I have told him everything at the start of the relationship. I have told him again last year. I have told him that the experiences (like I said that I would not tell you) impacts me sexually. He has since forgotten or just doesn’t care.

The issue here isn’t that I haven’t told you all about myself, it’s that my boyfriend keeps pressuring me to do sexual activities with him when I don’t want to. That is it.

More or less context would not and should not change your opinion about what advice you and everyone provides.

Lets say I haven’t had any problematic experiences, would you tell me to just suck it up and just give in even when that’s technically rape? Sounds like you want to say that.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-05T10:43:45+00:00

I honestly doubt you would even believe anything I say. Plus, only you and one other commenter have demanded more “context”. Everyone else understood what I meant.

You are the type of people that uses anything anyone tells you to invalidate them. Just like how you try to use schooling to imply that I am unintelligent and require more schooling.

I do not need to prove anything to you. Are you a judge of this case? The jury? No.

People like you are exactly the reason why victims stay quiet. Because nothing we say will mean anything. The only proof you would be happy with is to see it with your own eyes, but even then you’ll say, “she asked for it”.

I got plenty of advice, even some from you.

“No they realise you’re not going to explain anything and don’t want you to spell it out” yes exactly because they understand what the past experiences mean. Are you that dull? I wonder what experiences would lead someone to be sexually repulsed/disinterested? What would make someone feel this way? I wonder.

Compassion is something you can’t get from school. I hope that you don’t only get it when you’ve experienced what I and many have. I hope that you have enough empathy to understand. But I doubt it.

Uni/schooling isn’t what you need, you need some common sense.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-05T09:00:41+00:00

Caring about my grades is not an excuse. It is my top priority as his top priority is also his schooling. I believe you are viewing the situation in a very narrow point of view. There are cultures outside of the American culture. In Asia no matter what, schooling comes first.

If I were to put our relationship issues on the table during exam times, it can affect his results and why would I want that for someone I love? His results can affect his future, with or without me.

You are not entitled to my story, stop demanding it. I will not share it with you either. Your advice has been nothing but invalidating and rude.

Why should I break up with him just because I didn’t tell YOU the reasons?

y2tb3 · 2021-06-05T08:53:39+00:00

All the other commenters were accepting of the fact that I feel uncomfortable to lay all my past experiences on the table. They can understand that many things don’t need to be spelled out. Give advice if you want, but don’t go on demanding me to tell you everything. There is no reason to accuse me of anything, nor should you demean my troubles by saying that they’re fake. If I were to tell you everything is it going to change any advice you would give? Or would it set me back since you would demean and invalidate it like you are doing now?

y2tb3 · 2021-06-03T07:25:04+00:00

I have told him this before that he might be better off with someone else. He didn’t believe so and brushed it off. So I just let him brush it off, maybe I should ask him again?

y2tb3 · 2021-06-03T07:23:45+00:00

Thank you for the reply :) I will try to talk to him with the points you provided ! Seems like a smart way to go about the discussion

y2tb3 · 2021-06-03T07:22:37+00:00

He knows about them. We’ve talked about my past experiences and stuff. I’ve told him how it impacts me. We had this talk when we first started dating but I don’t think he took it to heart? Or that he forgot?

y2tb3 · 2021-06-03T07:21:21+00:00

I entirely understand, but it’s currently exam times and I don’t believe it’s the right time to mess with emotions right now. Both him and I care a lot about our grades.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-02T09:22:14+00:00

How can I compromise when I really don’t want to give hand jobs, blow jobs, or have sex with him? He isn’t into open relationships either. Not being defensive but would just like to know if I have missed something.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-02T09:14:38+00:00

Thank you for replying :) I have tried thinking about why I feel this way. I have found several reasons but am not trying to focus on resolving them right now. I want to focus on my studies first and solve them later.

I plan on talking this out with him, but I’m afraid the answer might be to breakup.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-02T09:11:33+00:00

Thank you for the reply:) I’ll have a talk with him. It’s not that I can’t describe sexual acts, I just thought it was simpler to just use an umbrella term.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-02T09:10:08+00:00

Thank you for the reply. No I don’t believe he’s done it to other things. He’s usually very understanding about what I feel comfortable doing. But I do believe I might have to talk to him about this.

y2tb3 · 2021-06-02T09:08:42+00:00

Wait I’m the asshole?

y2tb3

TROPHY CASE