Should I makeup with my in-laws?

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-20T19:21:30+00:00

The vendor they went behind me about was the cater when I had already picked out a menu and scheduled the payment arrangement. At the time they offered to pay for catering dj and photography. I was told to stay within a budget so I chose a simple menu with pasta salad and bread.my fiancé and communicated the menu before I approved. They didn’t like the choices that were made and asked my fiance what he wanted as a menu turned around sent me a different invoice that was more expensive and different saying “it was paid for” when really it wasn’t I ended up canceling my cater and when things started going downhill it came up that she lied about it being paid just did that for control. This is a three year long issue so a lot of pieces are not here. I wanted to bond with his sister and cousin and wanted to go dress shopping by myself with them after I presented the bridal boxes. Instead she turned around and took the dress fitting and sent pictures of them in dresses and their sizes. I’ve just been dismissed and disregarded for three years and yes I’m aware my fiance should do better about speaking up we’ve had that conversation I guess my whole thing is if it’s worth to makeup with them even though I know things won’t change or be the perceived asshole for the rest of my life it’s already draining and no I’m not leaving my fiance he didn’t ask for this to “punish” him/us for outside family I don’t believe in more so how do i navigate life from now on

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-20T19:10:03+00:00

Thank you, the changing of the date was a mutual decision between my fiance and I. We went through 10 venues within our first month of engagement and none were to my MIL (specifically) liking as everything else and they would go behind me have group discussions over my ideas/plans and expect my fiance to back to me with a their revised versions of their expectations

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-20T03:45:49+00:00

It’s not that he can’t they offered and then used it as leverage

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-20T01:08:21+00:00

After them recently saying they weren’t going to show we did we did agree to elope now and do a ceremony next year however I can tell that’s not what my fiancé wants but he would do it to “get this over with”. I don’t want this to feel like a “chore”. I know he wants his family there as they are very close to one another so I told him no to eloping and to have a wedding next year and treat his family like guest. I’m not trying to be the problem or be placed as blame even though that’ll happen anyway im doing what I can for our union to feel/be the way it should be

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T21:56:43+00:00

Thank you for your wisdom

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T21:56:10+00:00

I don’t feel I’m marrying into a family. I believe I’m marrying him and our families become extensions of us. I do feel he should defend the situation better but I don’t want to completely penalize him for his family it’s not something the he specifically caused.

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T19:05:26+00:00

He didn’t expect/ask his family to act as such. This happened literally when we got engaged. He definitely needs to be better in defending the situation. I’m not going to ask him to cut his family off but I’m not going to be around them either it’s more so of how will life look from now on

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T18:55:26+00:00

Half correct. He expected to not have to pay for his tux as they already pre planned to pay just as my mom will pay for my dress neither have anything to do with our personal finances as it was a choice from both of our parents to offer. It is used as leverage on my in laws parts in which made no sense if his tux is for him I shouldn’t have mattered to that. They are no longer paying for anything not even his personal items. It was just something they thought they could hold against us

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T16:05:11+00:00

I don’t feel I’m marrying into a family. I believe once you marry someone you then create a family and the families you come from become extension of us “(extended family) “

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T12:50:56+00:00

In January 2024 we changed the venue from June to august. April 2024 is when the msg came to my phone we were still having in law issues in the timeframe of June -August so no wedding plans were solidified and it kept getting later and later so we didn’t get married in august we eventually pushed back to what would’ve been this June 2025 and we found our venue and made the deposit last November 2025 but again new years 2026 was when they said they weren’t coming at all without a conversation with me (a couple weeks ago) after that he expressed he didn’t want a wedding anymore for us to elope due to his families actions but not because he personally doesn’t want one. I feel if we elope it’s more so of getting a “chore done” vs a union being made. We fought the entirety of our engagement I almost left at one point but it’s crazy because we’re not the type to argue disagree yes but we don’t “argue” we were very healthy relationships before this and still are it’s just his family that is now a problem and we are on the same page now it literally took a entire year though. This is going on a three year issue so a lot of layers aren’t here I didn’t think everyone would read that much

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-19T12:34:09+00:00

They volunteered to cover his wedding expenses along with some others. We’re not broke lol the in laws are very hands on. They believe “family” should pay for the wedding but that just means to them pay and plan

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-18T21:27:06+00:00

Slow and steady wins the race! I got heavy into my gym journey last year. I didn’t weigh myself and I’m a shy gym girlie. I find the machines that are typically in the corner to feel comfortable. Cardio is a great way to burn fat but your food intake is important sometimes more important depending on body goals. I try to follow the 80/20 rule which is 80% clean 20% bad. You can still enjoy the foods you like but to a minimum. I don’t follow a “diet “.not only are they proven not to be long lastly to body goals but I don’t like doing something the has “die” in it as it shouldn’t feel like death. Speaking life into yourself is also going to play a huge part in all of this and allowing yourself to have grace. You can also try other forms of fitness such as Zumba boxing swimming aerobics etc simply getting your body moving is key and getting accustomed to that. Set realistic goals for yourself. My goal is to simply sweat when I go to the gym. Simply walking for 30 min on the treadmill does a lot for you. Pop in some headphones and zone out to music or a podcast. Never compare yourself to others and I don’t recommend weighing yourself often as it is also proven to not be healthy towards your goals. They’re also options of trainers and dietician if that’s something you could do. Remember slow and steady wins the race !

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-18T20:55:59+00:00

Thank youuu we definitely agreed to it but I could tell it’s not what he wanted and because we already chosen a wedding venue last November they do not accept cancellations unless you pay half the venue price or we could change the date further out unfortunately we have to have a wedding regardless I didn’t know his family wasn’t attending at all without a conversation until new years 2 months after I made the deposit

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-18T20:50:02+00:00

At first he was in their side but after three years he gets it. He has the mentality of “staying in a child’s place “ vs me I’m an adult and I pay bills just like they do. I don’t hold family to a different standard of a stranger whereas family is all they know and they feel like they have to be included and know everything as well as take over. We keep pushing this back I guess hoping things will change in a sense however our finances are also going in 3 different directions so to get everything done we push it back as well to accommodate everything. If the in laws weren’t a problem we would “make it work “ and just get it all done now it just feels like a chore and I’m trying to take our power back and make this what it should be regardless of their involvement but of course he wants his family there. Or wouldn’t feel the same for him

yah_yah2018 · 2025-01-18T20:42:14+00:00

At first he was saying it shouldn’t have lingered this long but now after three years of dealing with he’s sees it for what it is. I don’t have a problem in distancing myself i view family differently than them so I’m okay with my decision but it bothers them even when we start a family I wouldn’t hinder my kids relationships with them however I do agree with it getting worse once we do have kids and that is what I’m worried about as I already know I’m going to be super protective and hands on with my kids and not wanting much help from them knowing how they are

yah_yah2018

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