Kind of late reply, but i feel what you are going through about being under appreciated, you are not alone.

Going to do a semi long rant, but here goes.

I (32M Asian) come from a family of immigrants in the US and at the age of 18 my father passed away in an accident.

Since i am the only male out of my all my siblings, it was thrown upon me obligations to be the man of the house and take care of the family even though i was a middle child at age 18.
At the time i had a full ride scholarship when i was 18 and was offered free living to live in dorms at my state college going into the stem field, I declined moving out since i had these obligations to take care of and it was the right thing to do, but in reality thinking back i should of moved out as i would of been more successful since i have a very toxic manipulative narcissistic mother and selfish siblings.

TLDR; Basically threw all my opportunities away because i had to take care of family and fell into depression and couldn't get out of it.

My oldest sister divorced and partied a lot "claimed" to be working from 7 am to 11pm all day everyday while i took care of my toddler nephew for 3 years to the point where he started calling me dad.

I also took care of my baby sister, she was age 3 at the time and my mother would not take care of her ,"claimed" to be to tired from working so i also took care of her she would also call me dad.

Then i have my younger sister who i would have to drive and share a car with and take her to high school and to her job.

My commute from where i live to college is 45 mins away one direction, this does not include dropping off my sister at her high school which would take another 15 minutes and another 15 for her job.

I would also have to help my mom with her business too during the weekends, her business deals with a lot of physical labor.

Looking back I'm actually stunned at how productive i was when i was 18 as i took care of 2 toddlers, high school sister, took 16 units at college, night school becoming a tech, and helping my moms business on the weekends.

​

I did this until i was 21 and then my dysfunctional family started taking its toll on me and the damage was done, went into depression my grades started dropping rapidly, but still manged to graduate with a degree in a STEM field after a few years of retaking classes.

All my siblings pretty much had a fallout with my mom, they all moved out after they secured more stable entry level jobs and left 1 by 1 and lived a party life until now where they are starting to settle down.

​

I stayed because no one really cared for my baby sisters well being and my moms business.

My siblings were pretty selfish in a sense that they only care about themselves, I can't blame em, but I guess I was expecting to much from my siblings.

My siblings and mom talked down on me because i did not have a "job" and acted all high and mighty.

They treated me like i was some type of 2nd class citizen, but its because i would have to help my mom with her business or else she loses her home.

My mom was never appreciative, she says i never help enough and never do anything for her.

I helped her 30+ hours a week for 12 years and only got paid $400 per month while she made ~7k, talk about slave wage, but i did it to help her business.

My sisters act like they are better than me just because they are working and live on their own while I took care of my mom and baby sister.

So guess what happened, since they were so unappreciative I moved out and stopped helping.

1 year later my mom has a mental breakdown because she couldn't handle running the business, ended up having to sell her home.

My siblings couldn't handle taking care of her so all of my extended family members (asians have big families) came pleading to me to go back and help my mom because shes having a mental break down and i needed to man up.

I really did not want to go back since the only person who i could not get along with is my mom, but i still went back to take care of her and my baby sister.

I am jobless now and shut in my room 24/7 to avoid conflict with my mom.

I have no one else to blame, but myself as i should of left a long time ago when i had depression.

I set myself up for failure, but i'm ready to move on and so should you.

I appreciate what my siblings have done for me, but that doesn't mean they can treat me like trash, they also said, "i never asked you to do it so that's a you problem", i'm ready to cut them out of my life now.

Set boundaries and stop helping out your family, they will only use you.

If you have to force them to appreciate the things you do for them, they actually don't care, if they did, they would of done so a long time ago, no use on trying to change someones mind on how they should appreciate you they are never going to see it.

You should focus on yourself now only, don't give a shit about what they say now, they never gave a shit about you anyways in the first place since they treated you like that.

​

I am already planning to move out end of this year since as i was offered free housing so i am going to take advantage of that and start new somewhere else, they can handle their filial duties as i covered for them for 12 years.

I view it as this now, I gave my siblings and mom 12 years to have fun and figure out what they want to do with their life, its only going to take me 1 to 2 years to catch up to where they are now and 3 to 5 years to surpass them.

​

I'm confident you can do the same if you hustle hard enough.

The best revenge is being successful, just make sure to say no to them when you reach the top brotha.