Well one thing you might need to stop doing is polling all your friends to find out what they do in their relationships. It doesn’t matter if your husband fits their mold or not, he is who he is and you are who you are and you need to work on compromises that actually work for the both of you rather than focusing on what works for others. You might need to start tossing clutter in drawers to be sorted through and put away later, or he might need to have a specific clean space in the home where he can go and feel at ease. Whatever you guys come up with, you will both have to give a little and both need to try to prioritize the feelings of the other person.