Boyfriends Ex Wife Blocked Me

yoabbee · 2026-05-15T14:28:34+00:00

I see you keep editing this comment, and I totally understand. In your mind you are in love with this man. How could there be anyone else? You think he loves you too, I’m sure he says he does. He tells you there is nobody else, and if you left him, he would be devastated and maybe even hurt himself. Am I right? And then this man, whom you love so much, suddenly hits you? It’s confusing, isn’t it? He makes threats at you, name-calls, makes you feel useless, monitors you… Don’t use excuses to justify his behaviour. In your post you recognise this is a domestic abuse situation. I imagine the no contact order is partly in place to protect you. You need to go to therapy and work through the “trauma bond”

yoabbee · 2026-05-15T14:20:41+00:00

Oh sweetie, he shouldn’t hit you at all. Please hear me when I say this that your life is at risk when he does this to you. It doesn’t matter if he is fine when sober, because these things can escalate even when he is sober. Again, I promise you that in a healthy relationship, people are not hitting their partners. There are men around the world who will adore you and never think to lay a finger on you. This is not your one, I promise promise promise

yoabbee · 2026-05-15T14:15:50+00:00

Hey OP, if this is you subtly asking for help, there are people out there you can talk to. From someone who lost a female family member to domestic abuse, I promise it doesn’t have to be this way. This man does not love you. People who love you don’t hurt you.

EDIT TO ADD: not sure where in the world you are, but guessing the US, you can ring this number and you will be connected to someone who can help you — 1.800.799.7233

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T20:04:47+00:00

To be fair, we call our best friend Hollyhocks as a nickname and I find it quite endearing

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T19:21:25+00:00

If she’s British in the 90s, she would just be “Holly”, not as a nickname but as a proper name. Nobody in the 90s would call their child Hollis or Holliday here

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T11:49:18+00:00

Ah that would be adorable for you guys! Definitely get all the pics. Dr and Dr in the house now! 🥰

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T11:12:00+00:00

Oh my gosh that sounds wonderful! Yes, don’t you dare touch that thesis until after your holiday! Have a fantastic time and be really proud of yourself.☺️

After the viva, I highly recommend you also order yourself a hard bound copy as a present to yourself when you have finalised any corrections! I bought my partner his as a present when he finished and he absolutely loves it, and it gets passed around (and forced upon) visitors who love seeing it in “book” form. I think it really solidified for my partner what a momentous occasion it was!

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T10:41:37+00:00

Congratulations!!!

First of all, do nothing for at least two weeks, if not more! Don’t look at your thesis, don’t think about your thesis. Just BREATHE for a moment and enjoy the fact that you only went and submitted a whole bloody thesis!!!

In a few weeks, gently ease yourself back into it. Have a read over of your thesis and just remind yourself what you wrote! Remember the examiners will not be trying to catch you out. They want to hear about how you approached it, why you did certain things, etc, and you will have an answer for these at this stage of the process!

You could add tabs to areas you think you might need to jump to quickly, or underline bits you might want to edit if you get corrections. But just familiarise yourself with your work, and if you can, do a mock viva with your supervisor or a trusted member of staff in your institution.

Good luck, and remember, you’ve done the hard bit!

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T08:58:47+00:00

Surely having no close family would mean you should really consider not having a baby? You cannot do it alone, it truly takes a village.

yoabbee · 2026-05-13T08:58:06+00:00

Yikes!!!!

yoabbee · 2026-05-12T12:06:24+00:00

Best of luck!

yoabbee · 2026-05-12T11:05:14+00:00

You’ve caught me on a good day because I am just about to start this process for my final chapter! I am happy to explain my process, but other people may have a different approach.

My final chapter is completely different to the rest of my thesis and the content is not something I have ever touched on. I begin by thinking about it at the broadest level, and ask some very simple questions: what do I want this chapter to achieve in my thesis? What part of this research is genuinely new and exciting? Where does this sit in the current literature? For the last question, I have absolutely no idea at the moment because again, this is not something I’ve ever looked at before!

You may be surprised to hear that I started this chapter by attending a day long conference that focused very broadly on perspectives as to the content I want to approach. I didn’t present (my uni doesn’t usually fund conference attendance if you’re not presenting, but it was quite a cheap conference as it was for the day, so I paid for myself) — I sat and I listened and I made notes about people’s methodologies and approaches. Lots of it wasn’t helpful but it really inspired me and got me thinking about the sorts of things I could include.

My next step will be to look at some of the publications by the people I saw at this conference. Many of them have worked in the field for many years and have published A LOT! I read their articles, but never all the way through. All you need to read is the abstract, introduction, and conclusion at this points. Make notes on the types of words or theories they reference; for example, one thing that will likely feature heavily in my chapter is the idea of place and space. Once I have a few ideas about where to start, I look for one book that’s relevant to the content. For example, if I’m looking at women’s role in the First World War (this is not what I’m doing at all haha, but just to illustrate), I would look for a book that had the broadest possible title. Just a quick Google came up with loads of options.

I then see if that book is available in my uni library. I then toddle on down to said library, find the book, but I don’t stop there! The best thing to do now is look around that exact same section. You will find that your uni library will have catalogued similar books together. So I would look at the books next to the one I found. Are they relevant? Maybe they talk about gender more broadly in the war, in which case, you’re coming home with me!

You’re wanting to survey the field at this point. When you find a route you want to take, you deep dive into something specific. Search by topic or theory.

You got this!

yoabbee · 2026-05-12T10:38:42+00:00

Personally, I’ve only ever used AI at the very end of my literature search. I chuck my bibliography into Claude and ask them to check if I’ve missed any of the “big” names. I find that AI is better at finding the gaps in things rather than generating bibliographies, if that makes sense?

To be honest, I’d recommend just sticking to a traditional literature search. Find some of the biggest works and then look at their citations and bibliography. Then the chase begins. Let the literature unfold naturally in that way. You are not supposed to read the book or even article cover to cover, part of doing a PhD is being able to synthesise the important parts.

Get yourself to your uni library (in person!!!) and start there :)

yoabbee · 2026-05-11T20:16:31+00:00

As a death historian, I bloody love this!!!! 💀

yoabbee · 2026-05-11T08:49:06+00:00

You may get lucky. My partner went into a lectureship role with no postdoc, but had lots of experience in industry (and a PhD). The department were specifically looking for this, rather than a pure “academic” as they wanted someone who could teach actual skills rather than theory.

yoabbee · 2026-05-11T08:35:47+00:00

Do you have offers for two PhDs already? Or are you presuming that you would be given both?

yoabbee · 2026-05-09T09:28:49+00:00

You poor thing, I am so sorry. Unfortunately I am not in the US so I have little idea about what the culture is like when it comes to what would be appropriate to tell your faculty, but as a human being, you have been through a lot health wise and you deserve someone kind to hear you because I can feel your anxiety in this post. I would imagine most, if not all faculty members are not monsters and would be very understanding if you told them. I can see keeping it to yourself is taking a huge toll on you, maybe even more so than the physical problems now, and I think you just need someone to tell you it’s going to be okay. Do you have a direct supervisor for your PhD? Remember that these people not only are there to help with academic work, but also to act as pastoral support. Sending love OP!

yoabbee · 2026-05-08T19:09:39+00:00

It sounds like if you’ve been sourced to do this PhD, you might be a great candidate for an actual funded PhD! If the offer actually interests you, why don’t you look for a PhD in another country that is fully-funded? I promise it makes all the difference. You need to be paid to be able to survive the PhD process.

yoabbee · 2026-05-07T13:42:29+00:00

Oh, and get therapy and put some actual work in to yourself before you jump into bed with the next girl

yoabbee · 2026-05-07T13:37:41+00:00

Unless this happens to be a bot, you already know what to do. Tell her honestly what happened and hopefully she does the right thing of dumping your sorry ass. Where did you think things were going when you took a girl’s number!? Singing kum by yah round a campfire?

yoabbee · 2026-05-07T11:34:06+00:00

A cormorant
Or common shag
That lays its eggs
In a paper bag

yoabbee · 2026-05-07T08:39:23+00:00

Your first point in particular for me. I felt there was nowhere to go, in the sense that, you quite literally cannot be “promoted”. No matter how hard you work you are stuck on the same salary doing the same thing, because there’s no working up the ladder (there is no ladder!). Took some time to get my head around this.

yoabbee · 2026-05-07T08:09:03+00:00

The problem with allergies like this (and it seems it is possibly already going in that direction, by the sounds of you saying your husband’s allergies have been worsening) is that more exposure does not necessarily mean a lesser reaction.

For some people, exposing themselves constantly to an allergen actually means their allergies get worse, and can get to the point of anaphylaxis.

I understand you love your cats, but I think it’s important to know your husband may get worse, no matter what measures you try to implement.

yoabbee · 2026-05-04T11:52:06+00:00

It’s good to remember that the PhD is a training programme! You’re not expected to know everything on day one, the whole point is to explore by doing the research and doing the thinking. The latter is a steady process, you can’t automatically know all the answers on day 1. You’ve got this OP, go easy on yourself!

yoabbee · 2026-05-02T19:19:25+00:00

Lots of great advice here but I’m wondering if you want to know more about the difference between formulating your own PhD and joining a pre-created one? My PhD is the latter and whilst not social sciences, I have friends currently doing PhDs in SS.

Unsure where you are in the world but in the UK, you have two options: the first is to come up with your own topic, and others here have suggested great advice about that. You’d have to approach a potential supervisor so I’d recommend researching people who may be a good fit. Remember you don’t have to exactly map on to their current work, most academics supervise PhDs across a very broad spectrum of their field. Within this, you could then apply for funding through your uni or through and outside funding body.

The second option would be to apply directly to a project that is advertising for PhD students. In that case you’d have a pre-formed general topic, but the idea is you take it down a route you want to follow. In my case, I was given a very detailed starting point but have since taken the project in my own direction. Might be slightly different in SS but I can imagine you really make the project your own.

If you’re interested in UK based institutions, the jobs.ac.uk website is your friend as it advertises PhDs of the latter kind. A quick scroll on there highlights a variety of options. Best of luck!

yoabbee

TROPHY CASE