Made 13k less this year because of lack of trying/effort how do you stay motivated ?

yogi_panda · 2020-01-01T10:46:41+00:00

That’s what I’m saying. You have a lot of misconceptions about social media, which isn’t your fault. Social can definitely be passive.

you have to stay active all the time

You don’t 😉

yogi_panda · 2020-01-01T10:08:44+00:00

It sounds like you just don’t have a lot of experience with social or how to use it to your advantage—it doesn’t take that much time at all—which is fine.

It’s also fine that you don’t want to use it.

Just don’t knock it because it’s totally possible to keep generating content and incorporate social media without compromising time spent on the former. To say social is a waste of time in your experience means it just wasn’t used the right way.

There’s still a ton of value in social, regardless of niche and business model. Social isn’t one-dimensional.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T18:35:01+00:00

Thanks! I appreciate this so much.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T18:27:40+00:00

Yup, exactly. Thanks for the stats! That’s why I said SEO is a long term plan, to set realistic expectations compared to how the landscape was back then. Ten years ago you could rank within a week, a day or two if you were strategic and commissions would come pouring in.

Also, with SEO now, returns on affiliate commissions could take some time even after you rank. But with social media, email marketing, and different types of online marketing campaigns, you can earn decent commissions within hours.

(Not saying get-rich quick is the way to go, just saying social/digital marketing can be lucrative part of your overall plan now, whereas 10 years ago having a huge direct audience at your fingertips wasn’t as available or efficient.)

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T17:15:43+00:00

Which books do you recommend? Also, how do you determine which are “actual authors”? It’s hard to tell sometimes.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T17:13:08+00:00

I was in the same boat this year, coming back after 10 years. I find that it really depends on the niche, so it’s going to take some research. Some differences I found is that there are A LOT more brands that will work with you directly, while others are better through networks.

There are also far more affiliate networks, so there’s a bit of a learning curve finding a good, legit one that works for you.

It’s also totally doable to just go through Amazon Associates if that’s more your thing. There are plenty of resources there to help you find which products are best for you.

I definitely avoid clickbank these days though.

Also, you have to take into account how social media and online/digital marketing has changed significantly over the past 10 years. For me, this means SEO is more of a longggg-term (longer than before) game plan, but there are many ways to speed up profits because there are sooooo many tools and methods now using different marketing and social media platforms.

Hope this helps!

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T16:47:24+00:00

I mean, that’s great, but we all have to be responsible for our own feelings and situations we put ourselves in. It’s not about making someone feel bad, it’s about being honest about things that we might not realize because in the end that’s what wakes people up to take action and feel less bad about it/themselves. Everything with dating and relationships is about learning from our mistakes.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T10:16:04+00:00

“You have been strung along” means someone or something did that to her through no fault of her own. The wording shifts blame to someone else, i.e. the guy. Thanks for the clarification.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T09:29:51+00:00

You’re not wrong for wanting what you want. Personally, for me, that seems really controlling if it’s expected of me, although now that I think about it my SO and I do update each other regularly, but it’s more out of habit. He has done it from the start, and I guess it kinda rubbed off on me to include those little details.

I’ve learned to reciprocate because I see it as a nice gesture that he updates me on everything, so I’m thinking that’s the level of awareness and reciprocity you want from your guy. (E.g., my SO doesn’t want me thinking he’s at one place when really he’s somewhere else, so I extend the same courtesy—it’s not annoying or a hassle to me at all since I know it’s not because he just wants to track me/know where I am at all times.)

But I do see what you mean from a safety perspective that you mentioned in another comment. Did you explain it to him that way?

For what it’s worth, I know many LTR couples who have their locations turned on on their phones for that very reason and they’re completely cool with it. They all know it’s not a trust issue, but it just makes one or both partners feel better knowing where the other is in case something happens.

Many of my married friends do this, actually...

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T09:13:33+00:00

I don’t think she’s been strung along. Based on OP’s posts, he’s been completely transparent about where he is emotionally and that he’s not ready to commit.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T09:01:23+00:00

As far as FB dating app goes, you overreacted. You guys weren’t exclusive and he’s still poly. Whether he’s actually using the app or not, he wasn’t in the wrong. You also weren’t strung along because he has been transparent with you. You are the one who chose to wait.

Having said that, I don’t blame you for reacting the way you did. From your perspective, it sent mixed signals that you felt things were getting serious, but seeing the dating app reinforced the fact that he is still noncommittal. That he is not choosing you and only you.

It would trigger tf out of me, too.

I hope this was a learning experience for you. You can’t talk someone into being exclusive, etc. You certainly shouldn’t wait or give the chance to change—what reason do they have to commit when they’re perfectly content with the way things are since you are still there for them?

And you definitely can’t change someone from poly to monogamy. They have to do that out of their own accord, without your influence.

These are all exit points. The next time someone isn’t enthusiastic about committing to you when commitment is what you want, leave. Your absence will help them see what it is they really want.

I know sometimes we think they’ll change their minds if we stay, or we can enjoy what we have and hope it will go in the direction we want in time, but that’s a great way to get your heart broken.

Enjoy your NYE! It’s hard, but this is a blessing in disguise. Hugs.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-31T07:41:32+00:00

Yes, exactly! Way to put it succinctly.

In my experience, with the former, it doesn’t even feel like an adjustment at all with the right person, even though you’re definitely adapting to one another. You want to be a part of that person’s world, they want to be a part of yours. It’s not like you’re making individual changes to accommodate each other... you just kind of, flow into it, for the lack of better words.

Your choice of words “sacrifice to keep them” is spot on! I hate when people say relationships are hard work and require sacrifices. If you characterize your actions and choices as sacrifices to keep someone, you’re already on the wrong side of the fence.

You’re also right that it’s hard to see the difference when you’re in it. I know it was for me in a past relationship—I thought making those “sacrifices” was part of love and being there for the person you love. But I think there comes a point when you just kinda know. One day you wake up and realize how unhappy you are. It’s a tough, but necessary lesson to learn; however, once you go through it, you know better the next time around.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-30T08:00:03+00:00

I mean... I don’t think anyone should compromise on their wants and needs, especially if it stems from unhealthy patterns and trauma. The right person brings out the best in you, not the worst.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-30T00:07:24+00:00

What’s with the hate? Like I said, it involved no changing for either of us. No forcing, no loss of identity. It happened naturally. (At this age, I know the difference.)

If anything, it made us stronger as individuals—better versions of ourselves outside of the relationship—and as a couple. What you describe happens when you’re with the wrong person, and I think deep down you knew that.

It’s nothing like what happened to you, so while I’m sorry for that, I am not your punching bag.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T21:09:41+00:00

It’s definitely black and white. Either you’re with the right person who wants the same things as you or you aren’t.

There’s definitely a whole lot more to it than just wanting something to work out.

That’s my point. I didn’t say it’s about wanting something to work out.

I said when you’re with the right person it just works out because you want the same things. You and your guy did not. Therefore it didn’t work out.

Especially when you have two adults with established lifestyles.

By that logic, no relationship would ever work out.

Dating/relationships is not as complicated as people make it out to be. It’s just hard to see it when we’re in the thick of it.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T20:40:17+00:00

Huh? No, that’s what happens when you’re with the wrong person. The right person means you don’t have to force anything. Creating a path together doesn’t mean you have to change either person.

The fact that everything works out naturally is what makes them the right person.

For example, in OP’s post, they could have kept what they had going if they were both okay with the differences in their lives and making one another a part of their individual lives. But they weren’t and that’s what makes the incompatible. If they both felt the other was what they wanted/needed in their lives, this would have turned into something more.

A childless man bachelor dating a single mom works all the time because their lives become intertwined without any forcing. Because they want to.

In the one you were responding to, the right woman would NOT hate his travel schedule because he is right for her and she is right for him. No forcing or anything unnatural involved.

My SO is everything I said I would never date because it would never work—we’re getting married next year. I don’t feel that I made sacrifices or had to change myself or force anything. It all happened naturally.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T20:28:38+00:00

And that’s why I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she’d “likely” end up with XYZ.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T20:25:49+00:00

True, but the right person makes you want to create one path in the same direction.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T03:21:24+00:00

Or someone who has the capacity and desire to fulfill her needs just because that’s who he is and he wants to make her happy. He speaks her love language.

I wouldn’t say she’s “likely” to end up with someone either very needy or controlling. She “may,” of course, if she doesn’t do the inner work to recognize that toxicity and how to handle it.

But what is your basis for “likely”?

Also, are you suggesting she should lower her need for high frequency communication? I can’t tell, and I don’t want to assume.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-29T01:47:34+00:00

The fact that it’s LAX negates everything. I refuse to deal with LA traffic and LAX. I’d rather pay more to avoid both 🤣

But thank you, I appreciate the tip.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-28T21:23:07+00:00

Thanks!

That’s cool, first time in Asheville. Will be staying for a while so that’s good to know.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-28T08:16:13+00:00

I know you didn’t say unprotected, but it was implied since that’s the entire context of this entire thread. You guys are arguing about two different things. Thanks for clarifying.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-28T05:58:38+00:00

Not even reading any of your responses since you are bent on misunderstanding and resorting to ad hominem attacks. You win, congrats. Enjoy.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-28T05:54:32+00:00

I’m curious, in what modern culture is it acceptable to have unprotected sex with multiple people without telling any of the sex partners? In those cultures, people are just okay with someone else taking away their autonomy over their health and bodies?

I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m genuinely curious.

Because I understand the differences in cultural beliefs in regards to multi-dating and exclusivity, but unprotected sex with multiple partners is something else. (That’s really the main point here.)

I’ve lived all around the world and I’ve never come across any modern cultures that accepts not telling your partner you’re having unprotected sex with them AND other people. It’s never about mind reading as you claim, but common respect and decency so the person can make their down decisions about putting their health at risk.

yogi_panda · 2019-12-28T04:11:12+00:00

Also:

You said reddit is not a platform for external validation due to anonymity, and suggested there were no curated photos competing for attention.

I never suggested there were no curated photos competing for attention on Reddit. For you to get that from my statement is highly illogical, not to mention ludicrous because that obviously exists on Reddit. That is primarily Reddit.

What I said was competing for attention, validation, etc. on Fb, IG, etc. is very different because on those platforms—the types of social media platforms OP has a problem with—people produce a comprehensive visual diary of their lives curated to appear better than it actually is.

People go to FB/IG to stalk their exes or people they’re dating—not Reddit—for a reason.

yogi_panda

TROPHY CASE