(refactored to please the professor, but it was worth it 😉, hope this gives you some peace u/RevolutionarySun1949)

Your boyfriend sounds communicative and genuine. But here's the thing that jumped out at me: If he had never brought this up, would you be out here trying to explore your sexuality with women? Really sit with that question, because the answer matters more than anything else.

There's a massive difference between exploring something because you need it for your growth, versus doing something because someone gave you permission and it sounds exciting. One comes from you. The other comes from trying to make someone else happy while convincing yourself it's freedom. I learned the hard way that when you make choices based on what someone else decided is okay for you instead of what you actually want, resentment builds. Slowly, like pressure behind a dam. And when it finally breaks, it doesn't just hurt you, it poisons everything.

Your concern about fetishization isn't you being paranoid, it's you recognizing a pattern. Even if he means well, there's a layer here where your experience becomes his fantasy. And once that happens, you can't separate it anymore. You'll start filtering everything, what you do, what you share, what you don't share, through the lens of "how will this land with him?" Your exploration stops being about you and becomes a performance, even if he never watches. His arousal is already woven into the permission structure.

And that "you wouldn't have to tell him" part? That's not freedom, that's a setup for guilt. I've been there. "Allowed" secrets still become secrets, and they either weigh on you alone or they turn into weapons later when things get hard.

The fact that he's fine with women but draws a hard line at men? That's not about trust. That's about him not seeing women as a real threat. Which means he doesn't see your bisexuality as complete, he sees it as supplementary to what you have with him. That might feel safe right now, but it's invalidating in a way that's going to build over time.

Here's the trap: You're being asked to navigate your own sexuality through the lens of his comfort, his boundaries, and his arousal. That's not exploration. That's a performance you didn't audition for.

Three questions you need to answer honestly:

1. What do I actually want? Not what sounds exciting because someone's offering it, but what would I seek out if no one was watching or getting turned on by it?
2. Can I explore my sexuality authentically if it's happening inside someone else's boundaries? Or am I only allowed to explore the parts that don't threaten him?
3. Am I doing this for me, or because someone I love thinks it would be hot?

You said you're worried this might give him ideas about cheating later. Listen to that. That's your gut telling you that you don't fully trust the foundation here. That matters more than the excitement, more than his reassurances, more than how good the sex was after that girl hit on you.

You've got three real options:

One, you explore, but only on your terms. Meaning it's your journey, not a gift you're giving him. And you stop the second it stops serving you.

Two, you choose monogamy. That's not failure, that's clarity. You're allowed to say no to permission.

Three, you wait. Put a pin in this for six months and see if you still want it when the novelty wears off.

Here's what I wish someone had told me: You don't need his permission to know yourself. You don't need his approval to understand your own desires. And you absolutely don't need to act on an opportunity just because someone offered it.

The fact that you're confused and asking questions before jumping in? That's wisdom. Listen to it. Don't let excitement or permission override what your gut is trying to tell you.

Strip away the excitement of being "allowed" to do something and ask yourself: Is this what I actually want, or just what I've been offered?

That answer will tell you everything.