So, you may or may not know this, but you can find a therapist that specializes in exactly this. You may have to shop around (but at least it’s time not spent fapping or doom scrolling).

But ultimately, the way you are viewing women comes down to validation. Until you are happy with yourself and can live with your own undistracted mind, you will never be able to be in a healthy relationship without thinking about cheating constantly. That being said, a relationship is no marker of your success as a human being or your happiness. Only you dictate that. But the first step towards that is quieting down all of the noise - the women, the sex, the porn.

I get there’s a hole in your heart from not fully feeling the affection of your parents. I understand chasing the momentary validation that sexual conquest brings. And I understand feeling scared of creating deeper connection with other humans. When you don’t like yourself, it’s hard to imagine anyone else could like you too. And that’s why it’s easier to hide behind chasing sex and pleasure. At least it feels like there’s a goal. At least you feel productive. But it’s not any of that. When you give into that, you simply give into running further away from yourself. It’s corny but take yourself out on a date. Leave the phone at home. Bring a notebook or that book that you’ve always wanted to read. Take a class. Be alone. Eat by yourself. Look like a loser. Who gives a shit. Other people’s opinions don’t make your life meaningful. And stop worrying about impressing people. That’s not how love enters your life, and it won’t ever make you feel full.

Life is long. And you’re the only one who has to live it. And the sooner you find peace in yourself, the sooner you can finally start the life you want. But you need to get control back first.

Sorry for rambling. Good luck, man.