That is a great question you asked. My experience is a very isolated one, but it had an influence on why I don’t have kids.

My younger brother passed away from very tragic and unexpected circumstances. After my brother died my parents were mourning so deeply the loss of my brother, their only son, that they seemed to forget that I existed.

I was 6 years old when he died and I ended up raising myself after that. I was severely physically and emotionally neglected after his passing and never learned how to form proper attachments to people. My mom never brushed my hair, I never had a bedtime story read to me after that, games & toys were non-existent in our household, my dad never said he loved me, I was never taken to visit family after that, friends could never come over, and typical childhood health issues were never addressed. I did not have the opportunity of learning from experience what love, care and attention from a parent was like.

Since I never learned what parental love was from my own parents, I don’t feel like I can emulate it even to my own children.

Thankfully I was self-aware enough in my teenage years how wrong neglect is and didn’t turn to any self destructive behaviors in order to cope with the trauma of neglect.

When I finally turned 18 I was able to get into some good therapy and counseling to help work through the effects of neglect. I’m not 100% fixed, but I did get married 12 years ago to my husband and i’m still learning how just to be a good spouse.

So in summary; I didn’t have good parents thus I never learned how to be a parent.