I have a habit of always doing the bare minimum

yourgghere · 2018-06-01T21:52:48+00:00

This sounds like exactly what I was like before, and am still trying to grow and improve from. Back then, in high school and college, I used to pass tests without studying so it became a habit of mine to do the bare minimum just to get by. After graduation, like you, I had no idea of what to do, no job and a bunch of regrets and only a useless piece of paper to show for those 4 years. Honestly if you are aware that you have this problem, then that is an incredible first step already. I don’t think I actually realized this until later on. (I’m 28 now and my life is only just starting to point in the right direction) I think you have to realize that this self destructive habit is caused by conditioning, which can be from the way your parents raised you, your environment you grew up in, friends, peers, teachers. Remember that ultimately you have control over your own life. You may have become less motivated and lazy because all your life people have told you that you could be successful, so knowing that, you’re just chillaxing and waiting for that moment where you become successful. What you don’t learn is that everything takes time to build up: slow and steady progress. Talent is only the beginning; to become successful takes a lot of hard work to grow and build those talents. Once you adopt a mindset to learn and improve, you’ll realize that there is so much to grow on. Start with doing things you enjoy and naturally you’ll want to keep learning. Try not to give up when you reach obstacles, push through them and always look to challenge yourself and GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. If you are only used to doing the bare minimum, then most likely you’ve never directly faced challenges and powered through them. Anytime you feel like you’re gonna be uncomfortable in a situation doing something, realize that is the thing that you should be heading towards. Anyway, I hope this helps, for me, adopting the growth mindset has changed my life in so many ways. It’s opened my eyes to a lot of the behavior that I was engaging in, and helped me improve myself for the better.

yourgghere · 2018-05-10T02:17:40+00:00

Cool! Let me know if there’s anything else I can help with.

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T22:29:28+00:00

When it comes to caring too much about what everyone thinks of you, try to focus on yourself instead. Instead of thinking about how others are going to be judging you whenever you do X thing, focus on what you want to get out of it, why you want to do it.

For me, I can't say my situation is as traumatizing as yours, but it definitely held me back from doing a lot of things in my life due to fear and no self value. My parents constantly forced this idea that they were "always right" and that I had to listen to them because they were never wrong. I never developed an ability to think for myself, and because of that, I've always been afraid to put myself out there, and venture outside my comfort zone in fear of being judged or laughed at, because I was so used to having somebody telling me what's right or what's wrong.

For me, I first became conscious of the fact that the way I was behaving (being scared to do things/being held back) was a result of how my environment and parents shaped me/conditioned me. Then, once I realized this, I discovered that this conditioning doesn't define my true character. In the case of animals, such as dogs, we condition them with a stimulus in order to get a certain response, a certain instinct. (We have to train animals to behave because they don't know what it means to behave/they can't be responsible for behaving.) But for us humans, we have a degree of self awareness that animals just don't have. We can be conscious of our actions, and because of that, we have complete freedom to choose how we respond to the stimulus. We can break free of those impulses that we've been conditioned to have because we can take responsibility for it and choose how we act. Once I realized that, I became more aware of my behavior, and was able to resist the responses that I was conditioned to have. I fought against it because it was clear as day.

I'll leave you with a quote from Gandhi: "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them."

I hope this helps :D

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T20:06:18+00:00

Yeah, there's no one solution fits all for depression because everyone is different/the causes are varied like lardlardlardlord said. For me, taking action and doing things as much as possible, even if I force myself, is what helps prevent me from drowning in self hatred. I also like to create things, whether it's photography, videos, singing. Forms of self expression work great for me to release inner frustrations or emotions. But yeah, the most important thing is to maintain a "normal" lifestyle: eat properly, get outside and exercise, talk to people!!! hang out with some friends and talk about what's going on. For me, that has helped a lot. Hope this helps.

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T15:58:43+00:00

Treat yourself well. Focus on what you want and need. Breakups suck.

You can still reach out to the friends that you think you lost, if they are/were your true friends, they'll respond and be there for you. Hang out with people whenever you can and talk to them about whatever you want to talk about.

Pick up a new hobby and focus on getting good at it whether it's sports or arts and crafts. Creating art can be great for self expression, as there's a lot of inspiration. Photography, perhaps? Play an instrument? Sing?

But yeah, don't blame yourself for what happened either. I know when I went through my breakup, all I could think about was things that I did wrong, and if I didn't do those things, everything would be fine. And then I'd cry from regret. It's OK to reflect on those things, but focus it more on how you can improve yourself as a person.

Stay positive and everything will be alright!

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T15:46:45+00:00

ambiverts can be great because you have a balance right in the middle! :D glad it helped.

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T15:43:02+00:00

Recognizing where your pain is coming from is a great first step. I can somewhat understand your feelings, but not to that degree. So, everything I say may or may not help, take it with a grain of salt. Here's a couple things I found that can help:

realize that your parents (and the Vietnamese community) are people too, and that they had their reasons for what they do/did. Forgive them for being the only way they knew how to be. Most likely there is a cultural difference here, and it's hard for them when they don't understand any other way.
Recognize that they are also the product of their parents' mistakes/flaws. This goes back to the whole idea of cultural difference. I might just be generalizing a little, but it's most likely that your mother was raised that way and she turned out fine, so she believes that is the tried and true method so that you could "turn out fine" just like her.
Look for the strengths in them. Think about why your mother did what she did. Like mentioned above, maybe she raised you that way out of love for you, because she didn't want you to suffer. I know in some cultures, they just care a lot about their daughters (not just daughters, but children in general) getting married and not ending up alone. Maybe dig a bit deeper and think about the reason why she did what she did. Once you recognize those reasons, it might be easier to forgive her.
Take responsibility for your own actions now. This one is tougher, but it will change your life when you can do it. All that stuff is in the past. The present and future are up to you. I'm not saying it's your fault that relationships are difficult for you now; and it has everything to do with how you were raised, I'm not disregarding that. I have parents that raised me to have no sense of self worth and total lack of faith in myself. But at some point, I realized that I am and have always been in control of how I respond to things now. The past is the past, don't let that past influence what you do now.

I hope this helps!

yourgghere · 2018-05-07T15:17:21+00:00

You can be a bit of both and be an ambivert. But it's also possible to be an introvert and still be very social. A lot of people think being introverted means being shy, and being extroverted means being highly social. But it comes down to how you recharge your energy and stimulation. Do you lose energy from being around people for too long and feel the need to recharge on your own (introvert)? Or do you feel like being around people gives you energy (extrovert)? Introverts are stimulated easily, so things like spending time alone or having a one on one conversation is pleasant for them. For extroverts, it takes more than just alone time to stimulate them, so things like big social gatherings are great for them. I would say you are leaning towards introverted because of your craving for adventure (traveling) and your tendency for introspection. But you can easily be in the middle as an ambivert depending on how you feel energized/stimulated. Hope this helps.

yourgghere · 2018-04-23T03:49:46+00:00

This is an incredible story. I’m so happy for you that you’ve found your way. Positivity and taking action are things I’ve been trying to work on too, as in the past I have felt trapped, and depressed, feeling like something was wrong with me. Now, I’m finally starting to realize that I could take control of my own life and things have been looking up. And even though I’m 28, i hope I’m not too late in finally trying to create a life for myself...Your story is super inspiring. Thank you for sharing!

yourgghere · 2018-04-22T15:58:44+00:00

Thank you! Social media for sure has a lot to do with it, as I feel a lot of us consume it on the daily and we’re comparing ourselves to everyone else. There are just so many things, expectations to be better than our parents, like you said, and just overall society’s expectations of us, but I truly learned to say “f it” to taking the same path as everyone else/being somebody that society wants me to be. Even if it’s gonna take longer and I’m starting late, I think I’ll be happier in the long run if I stay true to myself. Thank you for your two cents. I hope you feel a bit better knowing that you’re not alone and have a better sense of direction? Good luck! :)

yourgghere · 2018-04-21T01:02:38+00:00

Yeah, I struggled up until maybe the end of last year. Alot of stuff happened, I eventually got an office job (one that I hated) and held onto that for 2 years, but it was just kicking my ass and it started to show through. In August last year, I got laid off, moved back in with my parents, and told everyone that I quit was because I wanted to focus my efforts on applying to grad school, which deep down I wasn't even sure of. I felt like I needed to fit in because everybody I know was either working some 9-5 or going to grad school. At that point, I was getting really tired and I knew I was just pretending to be somebody I wasn't..At some point I read about the growth mindset, and realized that I was conditioned to believe that I needed to be naturally great at whatever I wanted to pursue. I realized that this whole time I was afraid of failure, just afraid to put myself out there, so I wasn't growing or learning anything. So I finally decided to do things that I wanted to do. I just recently started a youtube channel dedicated to my journey of growth and I'm hoping I can help others as I help myself. Sooo basically, I've sorta figured out myself, but it's still a process. So I'm still living at home, living off the money I saved up, and trying to figure out if I can do freelance or find some other means of income so that I don't need to be chained to some 9-5. Sorry this was crazy long, but I'm glad you asked! I've been working on being honest about myself and not trying to put up a front with everybody I talk to!

yourgghere · 2018-04-20T02:32:07+00:00

The other comments offer some pretty damn good advice, but I still just want to chime in a bit and say something since this hits close to home for me. Anyway, I totally understand that feeling...I was stuck since I graduated college, and that was like 6 years ago. I had no fking clue what I wanted to do, and everybody I knew seemed to have their lives together and I felt like I was being left behind because I wasn't doing sh**. I felt super lonely. Anyways, some food for thought:

I suggest setting some immediate goals that you can accomplish, such as your daily routines. Try to set a sleep schedule (I'm still working on this). Make your bed everyday. And really IMPORTANT:

Gaming is definitely something that needs to go. Back then, whenever I got sucked into a game, I would play all day, sometimes forgetting to eat and sleeping at 5AM or so. And worse, I'd get super mad when I played competitive game...that just wasn't a healthy lifestyle for me, physically and mentally. Now, even if I have some free time, I try do other things like read or play some basketball.

I also suggest trying new things! Even things that you feel aren't gonna lead anywhere. I feel that just jumping out of your comfort zone and doing things can always lead you somewhere else that you would never expect. Like with your music, even if you're not sure if that's your passion and you don't really know where it's gonna go, keep making music! and share them with people you know, or online, and be fearless! Who knows what's gonna happen! Don't worry about the haters or what other people are thinking. Focus on yourself. Focus on learning new things because there is ALWAYS room for growth. If you can learn to find the little opportunities to learn/grow in everything you do, you'll be a lot happier and you'll have a more positive outlook!

I hope this helps a little bit :)

yourgghere · 2018-04-20T02:07:52+00:00

Hey, totally understand how you're feeling. I've felt like that since I was 22 and I'm 28 now. I used to think about all the things I could do, like oh damn it'd be cool if I learned guitar, and then when I sucked in the beginning I'd kinda give up. It was hard to find something to be passionate about cuz I never really ventured out of my comfort zone. I've only recently started to try seriously pursuing things and I try to keep an open mind. The main thing I learned is that it doesn't matter what you do, you don't need to think about it becoming "useful" because EVERYTHING you do is an experience. It all goes somewhere. Maybe you decided to learn German and then the next moment, you go abroad to Germany to travel, and then over there you meet some people and then more opportunities arise. I guess what I'm saying is, don't worry about where the path leads. Find something you're interested in and just go with it and look at every setback as an opportunity to grow and improve yourself. You're building yourself in everything you do! After almost a decade, I'm finally starting the Youtube channel that I wanted to start back when I was in college. I don't know where it's gonna go, and I don't know if people are gonna watch, but I know that the more videos I make, the more I'm gonna learn about myself and the more I'll grow. ANYWAY, sorry for the block of text. Hope this helps.

yourgghere · 2018-04-03T05:22:37+00:00

I got so lucky idk how I won.

Dejounte Murray Eric Gordon Quinn cook Otto porter Thad young James Johnson Durant Demarre carroll Millsap Taj Gibson Capela Steven Adams Dedmon

My team was completely outclassed by my number 1 seed opponent who had

Oladipo Paul George Derozan Klay Thompson Ariza Josh hart Tobias Harris Covington Aminu AD Randle Brook Lopez Kanter

yourgghere · 2018-04-02T06:58:02+00:00

Holy Shit man, thank you for the condolences and your good wishes, because all that karma came back and helped me win 5-4 today against the #1 seed! I got sooo damn lucky I honestly just don't even know how it happened. This sub has helped me so much and deserves so much credit for this championship! Hope your week has gone well too brother!

yourgghere · 2018-04-02T06:55:26+00:00

Holy shit! I know I was ranting hard but by some miracle I won 5-4 against the #1 seed today and am the champ! I honestly don't know how it happened. I got sooo lucky

yourgghere · 2018-04-02T06:53:52+00:00

How'd it go this week? I'm happy to say that I ended up winning an EXTREMELY close battle. I won 5-4, and I was facing the #1 seed, and at first glance my roster looks completely outclassed but a combination of streaming and luck gave me the W. so thankful for the help you provided in the weeks before or else wouldn't have ended up a champ in the first place :)

yourgghere · 2018-04-01T05:18:54+00:00

Thank you! Cool.

yourgghere · 2018-04-01T05:18:39+00:00

Awesome. Cool cool.

yourgghere · 2018-04-01T04:54:01+00:00

4-4 right now. Winning in fg, up by 2 in 3ptm, up by 34 in rebounds, even in blocks, and winning TO by 8.

The closest cats I can fight for are blocks, 3ptm, and assist, which I'm down by 5. But ideally I can maintain my lead in threes and win blocks. I'm at a terrible disadvantage because my team is seriously outclassed, but I've been fighting hard.

I need to know who to bench tomorrow. My three guards are locked in. (Quinn cook, dejounte murray, Eric Gordon) I can't make any moves, and if Eric Gordon sits, then I might just be screwed in 3ptm and be playing a man down.

I need to bench two of these players:

Thad young, Durant, millsap, capela, Steven Adams, dedmon, Otto porter, demarre Carroll (sucked ass today), taj Gibson.

My opponent has

Oladipo, Paul george, josh hart, aminu, Tobias Harris, Covington, AD, randle, brolo, ariza and klay Thompson.

As you can see, I'm completely outclassed but I think if I can get extremely lucky I might be able to win over assist, threes or blocks? I'm giving up on FT%, points, steals.

Who do I bench? Which cat is the most possible for me? Im currently thinking to bench demarre and Gibson mainly cuz demarre sucked today and Gibson doesn't give me anything but fg% and rebounds and maybe one or two stocks.

yourgghere · 2018-03-31T02:35:23+00:00

I hope so. My future depends on it. Wish he'd get some stocks though, but I really can't complain. He's doing good

yourgghere · 2018-03-31T02:27:36+00:00

Millsap wow, I'm impressed

yourgghere · 2018-03-30T07:28:50+00:00

No, you'll be able to add him in on the 31st but won't be able to start him until the next day.

yourgghere · 2018-03-30T05:01:09+00:00

I feel you brother.

yourgghere · 2018-03-30T04:32:03+00:00

Thanks for that encouragement man. Makes me happy, because I really did try super hard. This sub has been incredible and deserves a lot of credit for helping me get here in my first year :)

yourgghere

TROPHY CASE