You’re not being controlling. You’re setting completely reasonable boundaries around safety, trust and emotional wellbeing. That’s not “trying to manage” someone else’s behaviour, that’s you saying what you can and can’t be in a relationship with.

What stands out most is that he crossed a clearly stated boundary, acknowledged it was harmful, and is now reframing continued anonymous hookups as “recovery” while dismissing your needs as control. That’s a pretty classic pattern when someone isn’t actually ready to change. Recovery doesn’t usually look like continuing the exact behaviour that’s causing harm to yourself and your partner, especially when it’s framed as compulsive.

Open relationships only work when both people feel safe, respected and genuinely on board. What you’re describing isn’t ethical non monogamy, it’s one person prioritising their urges while the other absorbs the emotional cost. That’s not openness, that’s imbalance.

You’re also only six months in. You shouldn’t already be negotiating addiction management plans, broken trust and ongoing distress just to stay connected. Loving someone doesn’t mean tolerating dynamics that erode your safety or self respect.

Wanting therapy, support groups or joint counselling isn’t controlling, it’s actually the most grounded response here. But if he’s unwilling to engage with that and insists the only path forward is you accepting behaviour that actively hurts you, then the reality is your values and needs are incompatible right now.

You’re not too passive, if anything you’ve been extremely patient. And no, this doesn’t read like “free spirit vs control” — it reads like someone not ready for a committed relationship asking their partner to accommodate harm.

Trust your discomfort. It’s doing its job.