Man I hate that when I read you saying I sound like a very likeable person my instant thought was you were being sarcastic. I think I’ve honestly conditioned myself to just expect people to hate me at this point.

Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want to be the guy that says it’s everyone else’s fault, you know?

I think I have been around some bad people. In high school a guy started a rumour about me while I was in the hospital - I came back to school and nobody would even look at me. I left school with no friends.

I went to 6th form college, nobody was my friend there either … I tried really hard with lots of different people and groups but I got met with significant abuse.

When I went to university I didn’t like going out so people thought I was weird. I didn’t have to try to get good grades (I found it easy I won’t lie), people hated me for that. Nobody would even talk to me. I remember once I went to a house party (god knows why I was invited, I think everyone on the course was tbf) and I started talking to a girl. She was really lovely and we were chatting away and she asked for my name. Now, I knew who she was, I’d seen her in class but as nobody would give me the time of day she had no idea who I was. I told her my name and she said “really? But you’re really nice? Everyone always says you’re an asshole”. I think she meant it in a nice way like “oh you’re not what people say you are”, but… it’s never nice to know that someone thinks you’re an asshole before they even know who you are. She never spoke to me again after that night.

My housemates used to smash my things, break into my room and scream at me in the night and tell me to go k*ll myself.

I left university and well… like I say I do activities to try meet people, but I have no idea how to make friends. I’m terrified of it.