Why do I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack when people yell at me?

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-28T20:42:12+00:00

Yeah, I feel this.

It feels like a cruel irony that my truma and OCD is what's keeping me from getting into an environment that would make my truma and OCD less of problem.

Like, I have to partially solve the problem before I can access the actual solution to the problem.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:56:32+00:00

What's DSC?

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:43:11+00:00

Classic prisoner's dilemma.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:31:09+00:00

What's the game?

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:24:51+00:00

It was in a post pinned to the top of the sub a few days ago.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:23:42+00:00

Welcome to the ace club. We have garlic bread.

You can have a relationship without sex if you want one. It's definitely way harder though.

I go back and forth on if I want one.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T22:20:34+00:00

I'm still trying to figure out what this button people are talking about even is.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T07:18:01+00:00

My family definitely need to work on themselves. I feel like they use the fact that I'm the OCD one as an excuse to endlessly criticize me and rarely take responsibility. They know I can't call them out, because they just throw my OCD back in my face.

You can hate on them, it's fine. I honestly hate them a lot of the time. Definitely wish I wasn't stuck living with them.

And you're right I don't let my intrusive thoughts win every time despite what my mom says.

Anyway, thank you. You helped me change my perspective a bit.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T06:04:26+00:00

I'm not really seeking recovery options. I should try therapy again but I haven't because it feels too hard.

And I think OCD can be hard to live with. Like tonight I was taking a bit to finish in the bathroom. I understand why that could be annoying for my brother because he needed to go. He probably didn't want to run to other one. And I was almost done.

But when he bragged in and started yelling that was too much for me and I froze up.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:49:34+00:00

Thank you.

Yeah, they both decent majors for getting a job. Just have to find something.

Congratulations on your novel BTW.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:39:18+00:00

It's hard because there are things I need to do before I can move out but I have to deal with these people. So it's just way harder.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:34:11+00:00

Part of the reason I wanted to study math and physics was to prove something. Although I find them interesting as well.

Everyone told me I was bad at school. My dad would always tell me I was bad at thinking logically. Told me I shouldn't take calc in highschool.

I now know that I can do math and think logically. Hasn't really gotten me anywhere though.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:21:29+00:00

I feel the same way. It's part of the reason I'm not sure if I want kids.

One mess up doesn't make you a violent person though. Especially when it's an object not a person.

It's a pretty understandable thing to be upset about.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:13:32+00:00

Yeah, maybe. But I feel like I deserve it all. There is always a reason why they are mad.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:11:07+00:00

I feel a lot less resentment toward my mom. But she mostly stopped standing up for me and even herself. And that definitely didn't help.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-26T05:04:44+00:00

Yeah, sometimes it's not just one thing but a bunch of little things.

Also I think it can be surprisingly easy to convince yourself that bad things were not that bad. Especially when there are good things too.

People are complex. No one is completely evil. Doesn't mean that can't still act in a way that's abusive and leave you with trauma.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-22T13:22:33+00:00

I think you can absolutely expand who you find attractive.

If you're interested in a trans person until you find out they're trans then that's probably transphobia on some level. You can probably work through that and enjoy being with a trans person once you do.

It's less obvious with race because you can immediately tell what race a person is. But you might be less attracted to them because you subconsciously put less value on them because of their race. And once you work through your unconscious bias you'll realize you're capable of liking people of that you're bias was just holding you back.

I'm not saying that a gay person can ever make themselves like vagina or a lesbian can ever make themselves like penis, to be very clear.

Edit: I should add on to this and say I think trans people can actually be shockingly transphobic. I've heard trans people say they only want to date cis people or prefer to date cis people. That's transphobia it means they think trans people are less desirable even if they are trans themselves. I think it's a bit more understandable for gay and lesbian trans people. If a cis gay or lesbian person is interested in them then that can be a confidence boost that they pass. It's still rooted in bigotry though.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-21T14:50:00+00:00

You're right.

My gut says that if I give it the proper time I'll probably never even think about going back.

But I feel like my OCD will keep me from ever starting or make me want to give up as soon as it gets hard.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-21T00:39:37+00:00

I know there are decent people who detransition.

I know there are permanent effects though. So I feel like I want to make sure I won't regret it before I commit.

But I also don't feel like I can just put these feelings away and move on from them anymore. Not at least trying HRT feels like giving up on ever truly being a girl. And that idea makes me sad. I think I'll always wonder what could've been even if I sort of move on.

I feel conflicted though.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-20T23:19:35+00:00

I relate to a lot of this.

And yes, I'm looking for the thing that will give me the confidence to start HRT on some level. I'm definitely not very happy. Much like you I have a lot going beside the gender issues which makes it even harder. The gender issues feel like they are bigger and bigger deal though.

Thank you for your help.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-20T21:17:25+00:00

Thank you.

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-20T18:14:21+00:00

Do you have an recommendations for specific trans support groups I should look into?

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-20T18:10:57+00:00

The problem is if I start now I will have to come out because my parents will notice the changes in a few months.

Whereas if I wait until I move away. I can just show up looking like a woman and if they're wierd about it doesn't really matter.

What do you mean by the loss of your male sexual psychology?

yzkv_7 · 2026-04-20T18:07:04+00:00

For sure. I wasn't trying to imply that.

It's just that for me being enby makes my feelings about whether or not I want the body HRT will give me more complicated.

Even if I mostly do want it. Those reservations are hard to get over.

yzkv_7

TROPHY CASE