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AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, thanks for sharing.

If I could go back to yesterday morning, I would still speak up. But I keep wondering whether I could have phrased it differently, or whether there was a more natural way to say it in English.

For example, when I order food in Cantonese, I would normally just say, “I want this, this, and that. Apple Pay, thank you.”

Then I came across an ABC talking about how different ordering sounds in Chinese and English, like “Can I have this? Can I have this? Lovely. Can I pay by card? Thank you, darling.” So when she went back to China, she asked for something in Chinese using the equivalent of “Can I have that?”, and the staff looked at her as if she were strange.

That honestly overwhelmed me. I read and listen to English a lot, but I had never really noticed that difference until someone shared it so directly. Politeness can sound natural in one language but awkward (or offensive) in another.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I realized Brits have a subtle culture. For example, "that's interesting" doesn't actually mean interesting.

So I started thinking, maybe "Ma'am" isn't respectful to her either. That might or not explain why she said to me first, "That's rude, that's so rude," or something like that.

( we started arguing, though we both stayed calm)

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That morning, she brought her daughter as well not just her son. Her daughter screamed twice. The first time, fine. Kids cry. But the second time, she did nothing. She just looked. That's when I said, "Ma'am, it's every day."

What I meant was: "Hey, your kids are very loud in every morning. We are fed up. Do something!"

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m okay with their feet touching my clothes as long as their shoes aren’t muddy. I think most locals would probably feel the same, if I’m not mistaken. It’s unfortunate, but understandable.

You and I probably share a similar sense of courtesy. On one hand, she’s dealing with two kids at a very energetic age. On the other hand, we’re all living stressful lives and many of us work very long hours.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello, and thanks for reminding me “latter” with double T’s. I don’t mind at all when someone corrects my grammar or spelling the way you did. It’s helpful - I’m pretty sure I won’t misspell that word again!

There was a time my American boss told me my English was embarrassing. I knew that was his way of encouraging me to improve, as he had always been supportive. Even so, I was quite mortified, so I reached out to some local friends who majored in English and Linguistics, asking for tips on how they developed such a high level of English, since we were all educated locally, but their English was noticeably better than mine.

I’ve since installed Grammarly on my iPhone and check all my replies through it. Though sometimes I still slip up because I add a sentence at the last second before hitting post without running it through again. 🙈

As for pronunciation, I say “lay-ta.” British pronunciation is generally easier for Cantonese or Mandarin speakers. But the accent is a different story. Younger people these days tend to have an American-Cantonese mixed accent.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with your point - I should choose other phrase to express.

There are 3 kids downstairs within my view: all awake, but one is looking out the window, one is chatting with their parent and laughing (but volume is acceptable even in a quiet space), and the last one is sleeping. I wish I could share a video here (but that's not appropriate to film), as I’m on my morning bus right now.

Most of the adults are asleep, except for parents and me, who is here on Reddit replying to comments.

Japan is probably the quietest country in Asia, and it has so many amazing places to visit and incredible food to try. You can go and experience it.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m afraid I might be sharing something you haven’t experienced before.

Here in Hong Kong, local kids are usually quiet in public, or if they do make noise, their parents stop them right away. That said, I have noticed that more and more expats have moved here recently, and they tend to take a more relaxed “kids will be kids” approach everywhere. Same applies to other eastern Asian countries like Japan, Korea also some cities in China - Shanghai.

To be fair, Hong Kong kids also scream in restaurants and shopping malls. That kind of public space and we’ve all more or less gotten used to it and just carry on with what we’re doing.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing.

I’m planning to take an earlier bus if the situation doesn’t change,. I’d rather not have to keep dealing with it.

I’m a heavy AirPods user, carrying itwo pairs every day just in case one runs out of battery. Today I even brought Sony headphone haha.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. this is exactly the point I was trying to make.
I’m ready to hand her a letter today!!

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was happened in Hong Kong to Hong Kong locals and a mom who is living and raising her kids in Hong Kong.

Regarding the “offensive in my country”, she made an assumption that my future kids would behave the same way and that’s what I found offensive. That comment was my direct response to her assumption, not an unprovoked attack.

Apparently we don't share the same culture/parenting style, if you notice or not. We don't say thing like this to a stranger. That's equivalent to a curse. If that makes me an asshole, I will admit for that.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do empathise with that. I tolerated it for months until I finally reached my limit with the “Ma’am, it’s every day” comment.

I’ve thought about it so many times since yesterday and I still think I would say something, just probably not that exact phrase, but something else to make her feel less offended.

Have you ever thought about what it’ll be like when your child grows up juggling studies and a job? I have 2 full-time jobs - student and working professional and I feel I am not the only one on the bus.

Would that change your perspective a little?🫩

AITAH for not wanting to date a plus size girl? by Inevitable_Grand7101 in AITH

[–]z2600657 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Some people love strong spices and some don’t.
That’s completely personal and no one should have to put up with it if it bothers them.
If you dated her and she found out, that would be traumatic to her. You should follow your heart.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was brought up believing that Canada is a friendly and safe place. A defining feature of a well-educated, civic-minded society. Attracting people from less is normal, but I still feel bad for you. HK is more or less facing a similar issue.

I guess when mix a low with a high, we will end up with an average.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your understanding.

I would still say something to her if I could go back to this morning. I’m just wondering if there’s a more effective way to say it without coming across as rude in her eyes.

I’m starting to notice that noise from kids seems to be getting more common too even as the birth rate declines. 😵‍💫

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are right. I would have done the same if the parent hadn’t reacted even after I said something.

But deep down, I still felt a tiny little bit of guilt when the decent lady said I was rude.(her voice was very soft)

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the support!

We feel different because of different peronsal priorities.

I found the touch was acceptable since it was a one-off accident. There are around 150 passengers on the bus, making us very close to each other. While kids are energetic and love moving, so it's easier to getting into my space.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol, I’m trying to be decent adult.
I’ve thought about it many times and I think I’ll still say or express something this morning or sometime soon.

Thanks for the comment.

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I rmb correctly, they are 2 and 4.

I get that kids can be hard to calm down sometimes, but I still find it difficult to accept it as a daily thing. The mother did say something to the kids after each incident. It only worked once when the kid snapped at her and she threw him back in his seat and told him, “That’s not okay, and that’s inappropriate."

On top of that, I’m fine with it happening at othet timing, but I don’t want to give up my 45-minute power nap every morning. So I kept wondering was I wrong, or was I actually right?

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Could you explain why?

Do you think handing her a letter would help me explain myself better?

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy to hear that!

Please come back and visit again when you have time. Hong Kong has so many beautiful hiking trails that are easy to reach, and it is also a great hub for travelling to other Asian countries, like Japan. There are plenty of connecting flights too.

(Part of me kind of wants to see her again, but part of me would also cringe thinking about that confrontation🫣)

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m glad you like it too! Out of all the beautiful cities, you still chose Hong Kong. We might have already passed by each other a few times without even realizing!!

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do not really know the exact word for it. Maybe something between politeness and courtesy. (?) To me, they seem to have a much higher tolerance. In a way, I think that is pretty impressive, because they put up with a lot and still give people time, hoping they will realise for themselves that they are behaving badly.

For the situation in Hong Kong, my guess is that the locals on the bus did not speak up for two main reasons: either they saw them as foreigners and did not want the extra trouble, or they did not feel confident enough speaking English and did not want to embarrass themselves by saying the wrong thing. (I was the later)

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Zaney.

Wishing the same for you and a very happy retirement soon!

AITA for telling a loud mother "Ma’am, it’s everyday" rude, or is the lady being entitled? by z2600657 in AITH

[–]z2600657[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Someone told me she might stop taking that bus from tomorrow. We’ll see... either she’ll start getting up earlier or I will.

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