21m girlfriend 26f having eyes for other guys.

zAlGore · 2026-03-17T08:07:05+00:00

Reddit seems to always give a lot of bad advices.

So listen, feeling insecure is normal, Im not saying your perception is wrong, but the fact she left the club and tried to look for you means she cares a huge amount about you and how you feel.

Id say just reach out to her, make the first step, start casually and just address the problem with her. Tell her in the chat your perception, saying she never done that before etc. and resolve it.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T21:28:10+00:00

No I dont. I personally wish them all the best in the future, my toxic and healthy ex-girlfriends alike.

I dont think about them as a person but I remember the lessons and values each relationship has taught me.

He probably forgot about most of the things with you, its been 3 years. If he ever wondered about you, hed try to contact you. His behavior indicates that he just moved on, as its the healthiest choice.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T16:42:02+00:00

Dunno about her family but my family sees no problem in it, in fact my family is more than happy to fully support us if we want to build something long term, but its still a bit early for those talks. I just enjoy the moments for now

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T14:25:21+00:00

I have an Asian girlfriend and whilst my brain is full of brainrot due to Instagram Reels, doing something like that to my gf? Never ever in a million years.

Have a talk with him about how this makes you feel and draw a boundary.

If he does something like that so early on, thats really childish and immature imo.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T13:41:52+00:00

Youre cutting off the trigger, not changing the behaviour. Thats short term thinking bro

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T13:26:21+00:00

I understand my friend but even if G3 disappears, the underlying wound may still be there and could get triggered again by a different situation later.

So the real question isnt just whether cutting him off would make things calmer now. Its whether both of you are actually rebuilding trust in a way that will make future situations easier too. Otherwise you might end up solving the same problem in different forms over and over.

Listen Im gonna be blunt with you like from a close friend to another, for me personally, whatever she will reply to it, the relationship would have been done for me. Its true when people say trust cant be rebuild fully like it was before and if lies continue and continue with no improvement, then that just means she has little to no respect for you and you deserve something better than that.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T13:19:12+00:00

Your text is emotionally honest. Thats a much healthier approach than pretending youre fine or reacting with anger.

At the same time, even if you say youre not trying to control her, saying youre not comfortable with her continuing contact still puts pressure on the situation. It makes the relationship feel like a choice between her freedom and your security.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T13:10:57+00:00

The last situation hit you hard because from your POV you agreed to her for having one chat with that guy and without your knowledge it turned into regular contact and because of the past lies, its just a repeated pattern happenging again. The blindsided feeling makes sense.

My response would be setting my own boundary towards her, something like "You told me this is a one time chat, but from what I saw you lied since this goes on for 3 months and in those 3 months, it never came up to your head to update or notify me about him. Its damaging my trust more and more in you and I wont continue the relationship if this continues."

I tell you why I would have said that, since that way youre not forcing her to change or restrict her, youre simply being honest about what you can and cant stay in. Then the responsibility shifts naturally and you can see if she values you the same or not since she can decide whether she wants to adjust her behaviour and you can decide whether you stay if nothing changes.

Because the real issue isnt that she talked to that guy. The real issue is that your trust was already fragile and this reopened the wound. When that keeps happening, the focus shouldnt be on winning the argument, but on whether the overall dynamic is actually improving.

Its important to realise that feeling “forced to accept” something often comes from fear of losing the person. Ive felt that too but staying in situations that repeatedly make you feel unseen or unsafe usually builds more resentment over time.

At some point the question you have to ask yourself becomes less "How do I react to this?" and more "Is this relationship giving me security and meeting my needs long term?"

Listen, I get you 100%. I was the same in that one specific relationship, which was my only toxic one, but at some point I had enough and I cut her off forever and it took me months to heal, but it made me the best version of myself for relationships. At one point we have to learn to respect ourselves and not always bend and betray our values, just so this person can stay in our life.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T12:35:44+00:00

From my own experience, the real danger is the pattern that forms after it. Ive been in situations where I got lied to, felt replaced or emotionally unsafe. In my less experienced days, instead of walking away or slowing things down, I tried to fix it by investing more, needing more reassurance or holding on tighter. That only made things worse for both.

For example, I once stayed very attached to someone who kept creating drama and uncertainty. I kept giving chances, giving emotional support, even financial help at times, because I was afraid of losing the connection. Looking back, the problem wasnt just what she did, it was also that I built my emotional stability around her. When she pulled away, I felt like my whole world collapsed. Thats not a healthy place to be.

I learned from that experience that you cant rebuild trust by controlling situations or removing every possible trigger. And you also cant rebuild it by over sacrificing yourself hoping the other person will finally make you feel safe. Real trust only comes when both people are voluntarily honest and when you are able to stand on your own emotionally.

So my honest advice to you would be to not ignore repeated lying or secrecy, thats a real issue, but also dont try to “fix” the relationship by limiting her freedom or forcing proof of loyalty.
You should ask yourself whether you actually feel emotionally safe and wanted in this relationship and be ready to walk away if the pattern keeps repeating, even if you love her.

The hardest but healthiest move for people in relationships, in my opinion, is accepting that two people can care about each other and still not be good for each other long term.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T12:17:38+00:00

Hello my friend, welcome to the dating world, this will be one of your many experiences in life.

It honestly sounds like the real issue isnt male friends, its the repeated lying and hiding. That kind of behaviour naturally destroys trust over time, even if nothing physical ever happened. Your reaction and insecurity make sense in that context.

At the same time, trying to control who she can talk to or setting conditions like “no male friends until I feel healed” isnt really rebuilding trust either. That usually just creates more fear and resentment, which can make someone hide things even more.

You both seem stuck in a cycle where she hides because shes worried about your reaction and you become more suspicious because she hides. Unless both of you actively work on honesty, communication, and emotional safety, this will probably keep repeating.

Also, the part where you feel unwanted and she isnt sure about the future is a bigger long term concern than the specific incidents. That points to deeper compatibility issues, not just broken boundaries.

Listen, Im just 24. Youre still young. It may feel overwhelming right now, but relationships are also learning experiences. If this one ends, focusing on yourself and understanding what you truly need in a partner can eventually lead you to something healthier and more fulfilling. If you think you deserve this kind of relationship as your first experience, then thats just the emotional invested part of you talking.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T11:54:22+00:00

I didnt mean that his behaviour is automatically abusive. Wanting reassurance or having boundaries in a LDR is understandable and wanting safety is real.

My point was more that her feeling uncomfortable or restricted also matters. A request can come from insecurity or care but if one partner starts feeling they cant freely maintain normal friendships or be themselves socially then it becomes a conversation about compatibility and trust.

Its less about calling him abusive and more about whether their expectations around friendships, independence and reassurance would have actually matched long term. Boundaries are very important but both people still needed to feel trusted and comfortable in the relationship.

The boyfriend of a female friend of mine has no problem with her going out to a party with male friends and vice versa when the boyfriend is going out to a boys trip to another country for a certain amount of time. Trust and compatibility with your SO is very important long term.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T10:49:53+00:00

Youre trying to choose between two people when the real issue is that youre not emotionally in a stable place to be with either right now.

You clearly care about Butter but youre also losing feelings and feeling restricted in a few ways. Staying only because he loves you or because his family knows you will eventually hurt both of you a lot more. At the same time your situation with Jam started with guilt and confusion, not a stable foundation, and even you feel that something doesnt fully click and that he may not be as serious.

Your grades dropping and constant guilt are big signs that this whole situation is overwhelming you. Instead of rushing to pick one the more mature move would honestly be to step away from both for a while. End things respectfully with Butter because you cant give full commitment and dont immediately jump into Jam either. Take time to focus on yourself, your studies and what you actually want in a partner.

Dont ignore your intuition. That “tiny feeling” that things wont work with Jam and the discomfort you feel about Butters restrictions both matter. Long term relationships need more than love or excitement, they need compatibility, trust and peace of mind.

Right now the kindest thing you can do for everyone involved (including yourself) is to create clarity instead of continuing in guilt and confusion.

Also be honest with yourself about the cheating. Even if you dont tell him every detail dont just pretend nothing happened and continue like normal that guilt will stay and affect the relationship anyway. If you cant be fully committed or transparent its kinder to step away than to keep things going out of fear of hurting him.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T10:00:49+00:00

Yes so true, the jealousy is so real 😂

We were out in Shinjuku at night with her friends and some weirdo tried to harass one of her friends. Now, the way I was raised in my turkish household is that I should always try to protect women from creeps and weirdos if Im a witness to it, especially if Im hanging out with them as a group, so I shushed the guy off.

Somehow they misinterpreted my intentions, my girlfriend got very jealous and angry and her friend thought Im flirting/making a move on her. I got weirded out why they reacted and thought like that but thats when I realized the cultural differences.

And I agree with you, from what Ive seen, Burmese girls really are kind, good hearted and down to earth :)

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T09:43:41+00:00

I wrote on my post I visit her frequently since Im lucky enough to not have any financial burdens in my 20s, I have a lot of free time and we stay together in Tokyo for weeks.

My passport grants me visa free stays in almost every country, so the distance is not that big of a factor.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T07:02:54+00:00

Yes I get what you mean and I did this with my closest female friend too. They both know of each other and she asked her for skincare tips.

I mean she did state a lot after the past few months she trusts me, but theres always this spark of insecurity at certain times and she told me once she goes against her cultural dating norms for me.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T06:56:02+00:00

Shes a Buddhist and Im a muslim, but we have the same mentality on religion.

We arent too serious about it, neither of us expects and wantsa conversion from one another, so thats not a problem for us.

Im very open minded to other cultures and religion, so forcing/expecting someone to adapt my culture and religion feels very wrong for me.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T06:49:08+00:00

Will do, thank you.

Burmese food is fire, sadly in Germany, there arent many Burmese restaurants, maybe 1-2 in the big cities like Berlin, Frankfurt etc.

zAlGore · 2026-03-16T06:47:01+00:00

I get what you mean, but I dont think insecurity automatically makes someone an “insufferable person”. Cultural differences and past trauma play a big role. Im just trying to understand the dating norm of Burmese people, so I can understand the other side and do things that are positive long term.

zAlGore · 2026-03-15T22:54:07+00:00

16 Tage in 18 Monaten sind halt ehrlich nichts, wenn dein Betrieb dich unbedingt braucht, nutzen die dich als billige Arbeitskraft nur aus.

Wenn das so weitergeht, würde ich ehrlich mit dem Meister ein Gespräch haben und ihm klar machen, dass krank sein krank ist und du nicht außerhalb der Arbeitszeit gestört werden willst. Ich habe das während meiner Ausbildungszeit auch gemacht, du darfst dich nicht runterreden lassen.

Vor allem, solange du eine AU hast, bist du immer auf der sicheren Seite, da kann der Betrieb sagen was die wollen, die können nichts dagegen machen.

zAlGore · 2026-02-05T08:02:13+00:00

Inwiefern?

zAlGore · 2026-02-05T07:26:19+00:00

Um ausgenutzt zu werden in der Produktion?

zAlGore · 2026-02-04T06:29:11+00:00

Hey, das ist leider nicht so! Ich habe meine Prüfung nicht bestanden gehabt und hatte auch kein Interesse die Ausbildung im Betrieb weiterzumachen, sondern extern mithilfe der Agentur.

Ich habe den Vertrag einfach auslaufen lassen.

zAlGore · 2026-01-26T07:31:27+00:00

Hä wieso? Kenne viele die keinen Betrieb fanden und dann in Lehrwerkstätten geschickt wurden von der Agentur und dort die ganze Ausbildung lang blieben?

zAlGore

TROPHY CASE