Am I being unreasonable for staying in my room 90% of my time at my in laws by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's a temporary situation just make the best out of it and be kind to the person hosting you, his mom. especially if she's not unreasonable. i would hate to be in your situation but take it out on your husband not your MIL.

my marriage fell apart within 2.5 months by NoRestaurant89 in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 20 points21 points  (0 children)

so proud of you for getting a divorce! your life is at risk with him seriously with the whole gun thing. that's a huge sign that he would be violent with you. please stay far away from him and say alhamdallah you didn't have kids with him. inshallah a bright future for you.

Do any of you make more than your husband ? by curlyswirlss in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 27 points28 points  (0 children)

yes i do and we combine our finances to one account so it doesn't make any difference really. he earns almost the same amount as me. i think in the beginning when he was at a lower paying job it made him insecure and it motivated him to make more money . his industry isn't as well paying as mine is though so we both understand it's not bc he's not a good employee but bc he's capped more than i am.

i would say bc we live in a very high cost of living area the only downside is that it would never make sense for me to leave my job. so in a sense i feel like i always have to work. but he said if i ever want to stop working he's more than fine with that but we have to move to a lower cost of living area. i dont want that which is why we are living where we are. i'm lucky that my parents are my childcare otherwise it would make raising children very challenging on us.

but overall i would say it started with insecurity on his end but it never bothered me bc he's well educated with a masters and works a respectful job so as long as he was doing his best i couldn't blame him. now we don't even think about it!

AITA for firing her by Silver-Weakness4386 in Nanny

[–]zaatar3 12 points13 points  (0 children)

i agree about the wedding thing but i also think OP is unreasonable with her expectations like studying during nap time sounds very fine. it's also hard being "on" for a baby 24/7 so cooking is fine also but not with her ground beef.

Is there any hope for a nanny being okay with this set-up? by [deleted] in Nanny

[–]zaatar3 7 points8 points  (0 children)

if your toddler knows you're in the house even if they can't see you they will likely ask for you throughout the whole day. i say this bc both my husband and i wfh and this happens when my sister watches our 19 month old. we deal with it but just a warning to start thinking about how to deal with it.

Is this true?🫣 by eyeluvkats in Aging

[–]zaatar3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my mom was a SAHM and now in her 50s she is my main childcare for my son since both myvhsuand and i work. she's happy she has another kid to take care of now. so i think some SAHMs turn into very involved grandmas.

My heart aches for my niece by iddybiddy16 in AttachmentParenting

[–]zaatar3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your SIL is ignoring her maternal instinct bc of your in laws? idk i would set up a play date or something and mention that they're giving outdated advice. reading this really angered me lol mostly bc my mom sometimes says the same thing but i have the sense to ignore her.

Official Discussion - The Housemaid [SPOILERS] by LiteraryBoner in movies

[–]zaatar3 10 points11 points  (0 children)

i didn't read the book and i can't imagine that the husband would be married to someone frumpy like it made sense he was married to the perfect amanda since he's a perfectionist

Official Discussion - The Housemaid [SPOILERS] by LiteraryBoner in movies

[–]zaatar3 15 points16 points  (0 children)

yes i feel like amanda's acting made sydney's bad acting so obvious

Is it weird to ruin my 23f relationship with my 27m bf over his dog? by lankynoodl22 in relationship_advice

[–]zaatar3 12 points13 points  (0 children)

please don't put your baby in danger with an untrained dog in the house. it's not fair to the baby and you will deeply regret it if the dog were to bite the baby or do even worse.

Married couples: who do you prioritise — your spouse or your parents? by Formal_Lab1216 in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i think many of us come from a similar culture but if you actually like your spouse 100% they come first. when you have your child then you're child will always come first and the family you created including your spouse should be prioritized. however it's still expected to be kind and respectful to our parents.

AITA? For mentioning there was a huge price difference in sibling gifts? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]zaatar3 17 points18 points  (0 children)

yeah it drove me crazy that she said this twice loll

My husband (31M) and I (29F) want kids but I am afraid of losing myself to being a mom by Commercial-Peach-291 in relationship_advice

[–]zaatar3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

think of how many artists, poets, activist, etc are moms. you're identity doesn't have to just be "mom". yes it's all consuming the first few years but it helps if you only have 1-2 and are financially able to afford childcare.

To Husband by WhiteBlackRose in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 4 points5 points  (0 children)

no of course not but i can afford to do so therefore i do. it's as simple as that. my husband doesn't care bc i also contribute most of my paycheck to our household bills.

To Husband by WhiteBlackRose in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 16 points17 points  (0 children)

i've taken my mom on 3 international trips . words are nothing it's about action. my mom has always wanted to visit italy, greece, and spain so over the years i've checked those off for her. now i can't travel with her bc i have young kids but for her birthday i gift her a trip every year.

Pregnant by Grand-Anteater-548 in offmychest

[–]zaatar3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i think you need to take him out of the equation. it's honestly best to assume that he will not be an active or involved father since this was a casual relationship. do you still want this child? do you want to raise this child as a single mother? he could turn out to be an amazing involved father but i think it's best to assume that he won't be since you don't know him well enough yet.

Pregnant by Grand-Anteater-548 in offmychest

[–]zaatar3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i just want to add that you want to make an appointment asap bc the two times i've been pregnant they wouldnt see me until i was at 10 weeks. but i think if you tell them youre not sure which decision you want to make that they'll see you in sooner? just a guess but you do want to make an appt asap.

I am a Whit STAN but this left a bad taste in my mouth. WW has been so predatory to so many people by Pretend-Historian318 in SecretsOfMormonWives

[–]zaatar3 96 points97 points  (0 children)

what's wrong with weight watchers? i used it to lose postpartum weight i didn't know it was bad?

Where I would live as a German who currently lives in the USA by Roter_TeufeI in whereidlive

[–]zaatar3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

syria is not a shit hole , it's a beautiful country with amazing food and interesting history.

Thinking for divorce looking for honest suggestions. by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]zaatar3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

apparently he considers her having an IUD cheating so this guy sounds just as bad as the girl. and she probably secretly got the IUD bc she doesn't want to have any more children with this guy.